Struggling with my faith

[dahliasmom]

I have some questions. I am really struggling with my Catholic faith. I don’t really want any more children at this point in my life. I am a mother of a 5, 4, and 2 year old. I really don’t think that I can handle any more children. I really want to have a career, have a house, and not struggle daily to have enough money, my relationship with my husband, and not feel guilty. I am really having a hard time with everything. My husband seems happy to be stagnent in his work life. I am frustrated daily by the fact that we don’t have a house where our children can play in a yard. I just seem to be getting bad news all the time. When is it going to let up? We have not been using contraceptives, but I want to know why it is a sin not to procreate if you have the ability. Month after month goes by and I thank God that I am not pregnant, and I feel guilty because there are plenty of women out there that would love to have a child. Would it really be wrong for my husband to get a vasectomy? I am not a patient mother, in fact my children tend to drive me crazy constantly. Maybe it’s the state of my faith that is not allowing me to get ahead. And another thing, why is it a sin if you don’t go to mass?

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I have some questions. I am really struggling with my Catholic faith. I don’t really want any more children at this point in my life. I am a mother of a 5, 4, and 2 year old. I really don’t think that I can handle any more children. I really want to have a career, have a house, and not struggle daily to have enough money, my relationship with my husband, and not feel guilty. I am really having a hard time with everything.

WOW, that is a lot of information and it seems to me that you currently have a lot of struggles. My first question would be, have you talked with your husband about all of this? Secondly, the church teaches that if you are not in a position to have more children then avoiding that is an option. However, that means that you are still practicing NFP, using no ABC methods. If you do not want to have children because you feel that financially you cannot afford it, maybe a good reason. However, you must remember that every act of marital relations leaves open the possibility that you may get pregnant. And what if you do get pregnant again, then what?

But I suggest you take a look at the sentences that you have wrote. They all start with or include “I” in them. You are talking about yourself, not about you and your husband, not about your family, just about you.

My husband seems happy to be stagnent in his work life. I am frustrated daily by the fact that we don’t have a house where our children can play in a yard. I just seem to be getting bad news all the time. When is it going to let up?

Join the club, things getting worse seems to be the story of our life right now and without getting into it right now, the question my wife and I ask is “when do we get our break?” However, it is not about the breaks that we get, we are both healthy, have 3 beautiful children that are healthy and are expecting #4. We have each other and we are happy and fulfilled…mind you we are currently 800 miles apart. God is going to give us crosses to bear in our lives and it is up to us to choose how we bear them.

We have not been using contraceptives, but I want to know why it is a sin not to procreate if you have the ability. Month after month goes by and I thank God that I am not pregnant, and I feel guilty because there are plenty of women out there that would love to have a child.

Maybe you need to pray to God for the discernment of what HE wants in your life. One of the first commands of God was to “increase and multiply.”

Would it really be wrong for my husband to get a vasectomy?

YES

I am not a patient mother, in fact my children tend to drive me crazy constantly. Maybe it’s the state of my faith that is not allowing me to get ahead.

Maybe prayers to our model of motherhood, the Blessed Virgin Mary may be in order here?

And another thing, why is it a sin if you don’t go to mass?

Simpliest answer, because God said so!! Keep holy the sabbath, remember?

The God of the Universe gave you His only Son to die for your sins and you cannot give Him one hour a week? One hour? Take time to read the agony in the garden, Jesus’ heart was broke unto sorrow and he wanted his apostles to pray with Him for one hour, one hour and they could not do it. Isn’t God worth one hour?

 

[kage_ar]

Many here will give you good advice about NFP.

I will tackle your sin to miss Mass question. There is Scripture and the teachings of the Early Church Fathers - but there is also common courtesy. The love and sacrifice that Christ made for us, He suffered and died for us. He gave his very LIFE for us. God created our earth, gave us our lives and all these blessings - the very least we can do is give back one hour each week! That is less time than we spend doing laundry in a week.

Prayers!

 

[maria29]

I have some questions. I am really struggling with my Catholic faith. I don’t really want any more children at this point in my life. I am a mother of a 5, 4, and 2 year old. I really don’t think that I can handle any more children. I really want to have a career, have a house, and not struggle daily to have enough money, my relationship with my husband, and not feel guilty. I am really having a hard time with everything. My husband seems happy to be stagnent in his work life. I am frustrated daily by the fact that we don’t have a house where our children can play in a yard. I just seem to be getting bad news all the time. When is it going to let up? We have not been using contraceptives, but I want to know why it is a sin not to procreate if you have the ability. Month after month goes by and I thank God that I am not pregnant, and I feel guilty because there are plenty of women out there that would love to have a child. Would it really be wrong for my husband to get a vasectomy? I am not a patient mother, in fact my children tend to drive me crazy constantly. Maybe it’s the state of my faith that is not allowing me to get ahead. And another thing, why is it a sin if you don’t go to mass?

I can totally relate to wanting a house and not being a patient mom. And i only have one child! My husband too is stagnant in his work life…

NFP can be used for grave reasons and if you feel that your fiances and mental capabilities are stretched to the breaking point then i would think you could use NFP. I would recommend talking to a priest though.

To a pp yes “we should be fruitful and multipy” but we are also called to discern whether it is the right time or not

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

To a pp yes “we should be fruitful and multipy” but we are also called to discern whether it is the right time or not

Agreed!

 

[Katie1723]

I think we all struggle at one time or another for various reasons. I can only say I have kept myself sane by praying…constantly
Kathy

 

[dahliasmom]

Ok so I was a little emtional earlier when writing, but I think because of time constrants I left out some key things. My husband was raised catholic, but is non practicing. I realize that there were alot of "I"s, but I guess I get wraped up in what I do all of the time. I would like to have another child, but it wouldn’t be for a long while off.

Spiritually I have been struggling for a long time. My preist is boring. I don’t feel convicted, inspired, or anything really. I can’t for the life of me get into reading the bible daily. I pray… and don’t feel any stirings in my heart. Maybe I have been listening to my husband too long. Any suggestions on how to improve my spiritual life?

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Ok so I was a little emtional earlier when writing, but I think because of time constrants I left out some key things. My husband was raised catholic, but is non practicing. I realize that there were alot of "I"s, but I guess I get wraped up in what I do all of the time. I would like to have another child, but it wouldn’t be for a long while off.

Spiritually I have been struggling for a long time. My preist is boring. I don’t feel convicted, inspired, or anything really. I can’t for the life of me get into reading the bible daily. I pray… and don’t feel any stirings in my heart. Maybe I have been listening to my husband too long. Any suggestions on how to improve my spiritual life?

Dahlia(name removed by moderator),

Please do not take what I said earlier as rude towards you. I can understand where you are coming from, but from a different angle. First off if you want to improve your spiritual life I can offer a few suggestions.

Make atleast one holy hour at the chapel each week. God works wonders in adoration.
Listen to Catholic radio, there are a lot of great things going on out there that you can listen to, great programs on the radio. www.relevantradio.com is one link that I can think of.
Pray the rosary.
Pray for your husband.
If your priest does not “move” you in any way, maybe think about going to a different church. That is really hard, as we have experienced, being at mass with a priest that is less than energized about the faith. However, there are many, many other priests at many other Catholic churches…seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.

 

[rayne89]

thereasonforourhope.org/

You might want to start off with this guy. Fr. Larry Richards is quite dynamic and inspirational. If you register on the site you can listen to his past homilies as well.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

thereasonforourhope.org/

You might want to start off with this guy. Fr. Larry Richards is quite dynamic and inspirational. If you register on the site you can listen to his past homilies as well.

Good call!! Can’t believe that I did not think about Fr. Larry. How could I forget? He has been the one that has brought me through a lot. Thanks for posting that, I have signed up at his website and found his talks and his homilies AMAZING!!

 

[JLSacred]

I can relate, sometimes I feel like I’m in a rut (like lately) Fortunately, I can’t have children anymore, so I’m done with that. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy when having my last son. I was sort of thankful, now I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant or keeping track of my cycle anymore. Truthfully, I was not the greatest at it, which is why we ended up with 4 kids.

Fortunately, my husband makes a good living and the rest of my life is pretty good, my kids are healthy, and we have a nice house in the country. But I can relate about the having kids part, and about sometimes feeling like I’m not getting much spiritually from my life as a Catholic. I think, though, that you need to stick with it, because it is the truth. We aren’t always supposed to feel on an emotional high from our faith.

 

[mesquite_magic]

I’m struggling too, so maybe I’m not the right person to speak. I’ll try anyway.

1. Try a diffrent Church, or even just a different Mass.
2. If you pray, then pray about it. Guess that should be #1
3. Speak to a Priest. If you’re worried about offending the one at the Church you attend, go to a different one. Sometimes an outsider can offer good words of advice
4. Talk to your husband. maybe THAT should be #1. Open the lines of communication. Don’t b*%#h at him. Just talk. Ask him about his day and REALLY be interested.
5. I’m definately no expert, but you sound a little depressed. It might help to talk to a therapist. If your insurance s
   doesn’t cover one, Catholic Community Services might be able to help you.

Hope that helps a little. I understand somewhat where you are. Dh and I have six children, his, mine and ours. We have struggled financially up until this year. It was a suprise and a relief to find that we FINALLY have a little breathing room.

It will come for you too. Keep the faith.

Kim

 

[Genesis315]

Read this little book by St. Alphonsus Liguori:

ccel.org/ccel/alphonsus/uniformity.toc.html

 

[johntkd]

I I just seem to be getting bad news all the time.

I shortened the quote down some sorry just wanted to make sure all my words get into reply…

I too have been "very stressed and extremely depressed as of late, and yes I am struggling, not only with faith but with the want to even go on…

ON that note i want to say a few things to you and this is coming from my heart trust me on this its not critisizm,

you have healthy children… reason to have and hold the faith right there,

a younger gal at my workplace just got back to work a few months ago from maternity leave, she and her husband have thier first baby, 2 weeks ago I go to work and our warranty coordinator is taking up a collection for gas cards this younger gals baby has been diagnosed with Cancer, which will require them to drive downstate a lot…

you have a husband whom has a job

The state i am currently living in is going down the tubes very fast, one little city not to far from me has a small factory that employs the majority of the town, they will be closed forever in july the town has no other jobs that pay over minimum wage, the next town over has 3 factories closing and also moving out and they already had one of the states highest unemployment rates to begin with. its easy to say these people can move right? well our housing Market is also collapsed at best, houses that were worth 250,000 dollars 2 years ago cannot sell now for 75,000
there are 2 to 10 men daily in the parking lots of wal mart and meijers holding signs up “will work for food” and that number is sure to grow by summers end.

you talk about a house, I know what you mean there but it also sounds like you have a roof over your head keeping you dry.

tonight i was on my way home from playing pool with a friend, as I turned a corner i seen a young man in the ditch face down, of course i stopped he stumbled to get to his feet when i asked him if he was ok as I was approaching, turns out he was kicked out of where he lived and had walked about 42 miles today and his legs just couldnt go much more he was tryingto make it to a city that was still 28 miles away where he had a friend, I gave the young man a ride let him use my phone tomorrow he heads to his moms place in Florida by bus…his friend wasnt home so i left him at a little motel just up the road from the bus station where his mom is sending the money for the bus ticket, he wont be in 30 degree weather tonight on the road he has a warm bed to sleep in. I want to add something very key to this story, in the last 9 weeks of playing pool i have never taken that way home, its so far out of the way normally, think that was coincidence???
Dont let some downfalls cause you to lose your faith, its so easy for it to happen, slow down sit down and think about all the possibilities that have gone on thru your life, how many times could something have been far worse?
normally I dont promote NFP,ABC, etc but in your situation talk to your priest NFP is supposed to be as effective as the pill is.
its far safer to your health ( you want to see your kids graduate and get married someday I assume) and best part is it really dont cost any money not to mention its for the most part sin free…

I know its easy to get frustrated by children,yours are young yet
PLease try to enjoy those times you get frustrated, or they are bugging you to what seems like death it dont last forever and you are going to miss it so much when its all gone, this i speak from experience on as I wipe tears from my eyes.
My two boys are grown now, and My fiance decided that God was telling her we cannot get married,even though we both have agreed he put us together in the first place, she has 4 children ages 3, 4, 9 and 10.which I have always considered my kids as well, the only thing getting me thru my days right now is the fact she knows How i felt about her and the kids, we both still love each other, and I am allowed to see my 4 kids ( not biological but mine none the less) pretty much when ever i want, which is a lot at this point…

try to look at the positives forget the negatives, I could easily say I lost the only woman i have ever truely loved, my one true soulmate, and a family, BUT I constantly try to keep telling myself I havnt Lost her she is still and always will be my best friend, as far as not going to Mass, all I can say to that is I always try to make it to mass and when i leave mass I always have some peace about things ALWAYS,
I actually right now wish i could go 2 to 4 times a day everyday because of the peace i feel…

anyways take a step back breathe and really see how bad off you really arent…

God bless you in this endeavor I know its not easy to do

John

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Go to confession, as this sacrament will give you the grace to see things more clearly. Also adoration is so useful for times like this when you need peace and discernment.

 

[puzzleannie]

I . I really want to have a career, have a house, and not struggle daily to have enough money, my relationship with my husband, and not feel guilty. I am really having a hard time with everything. My husband seems happy to be stagnent in his work life. I am frustrated daily by the fact that we don’t have a house where our children can play in a yard. I just seem to be getting bad news all the time. ?

sounds like you and your husband need to focus on primary issues in your marriage, agree on goals for your family and how to reach them, not just financial and career goals, but how to order your family life toward God’s plan for you. Until you come to agreement on basics the other issues cannot possibly be resolved.

 

[faithful2005]

I haven’t read the other responses so sorry if this is repetitive. I suggest a morning offering and a daily rosary. These two things have have helped me more than anything and brought tremendous graces.

Morning Offering:

Sacred Heart of Jesus, through the most pure hands of Mary, I offer Thee all of the prayers, works, joys, and sufferings, all the actions of this day and of all my life, in union with the Masses being offered all over the world for the intentions of Thy Sacred Heart and for the Apostleship of Prayer. Every breath I draw, every beating of my heart, every single act I do, I wish to be an act of my love for Thee. Amen.

ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/rosary/how_to.htm

Blessings, Michelle