Struggling with sexuality in my marriage

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Mumofseven

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Found out after 17 years of marriage that the wife was allowed to enjoy sex. Feeling sad, angry and ripped-off.
There is so much to say, I don’t know where to start… tried to speak to a couple of different priests in confession, but very lame advice. Very disappointed.
 
I grew up a catholic, and I never heard it mentioned. Got married in the Catholic Church, always a practicing Catholic, and all I ever heard about sex was that the husband had to climax in the vagina, and that it was a sin to refuse sex to your husband. It all seemed to be about the husband’s pleasure.
I had a strict upbringing, and the overall idea was that sex was bad.
 
No one ever said sex was bad, because no one spoke of it, but that was my feeling.
 
Honestly, if you suffered from what you thought was mandatory, why didn’t you yourself searched some books or other further information on this topic?
It’s not that humane vitae was a secretly published piece of paper.
 
For the most part of my marriage I was satisfied with pleasing my husband, and it never really occurred to me that I mattered in the whole equation. I had accepted my role and duties as a mother and wife. Until I physically grew an aversion to sex recently.
 
Mumofseven said:
For the most part of my marriage I was satisfied with pleasing my husband, and it never really occurred to me that I mattered in the whole equation. I had accepted my role and duties as a mother and wife. Until I physically grew an aversion to sex recently.
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Would your husband be willing to experiment and try to find ways to please you?
 
Yes. In those days, sex was never spoken about, because it was always thought a private thing between husband and wife. Now, for good or ill, sex is no longer a taboo subject. So I can appreciate how you ended up with that idea.

Read, or Google John Paul II’s book “Theology of the Body”, and look up the table of contents.

Here is a good starting point for women’s sexuality:

https://www.osv.com/OSVNewsweekly/B...logy-of-the-body-taps-into-womens-genius.aspx
 
He is the best husband a wife could hope for. He does try, and he loves me dearly. We have spoken of the way I feel, and it pains me because it hurts him that I don’t enjoy it like he does. The habit of not enjoying it and viewing it as a duty is something so entrenched in my mind, that I’m not able to allow myself to let go. We have been trying for 2 years now, and it’s not getting better.
 
Thanks for the link, I have read a lot now on women’s sexuality in the last two years, but I feel like giving up. Maybe it’s too late for me.
 
That’s so hurtful, I come here thinking I might find help from fellow Catholics.
 
Philipl, your post is grossly inappropriate.
The OP has not posted anything to suggest her post is not in earnest. If you have a concern about the thread, you should privately message the mods.

It is not uncommon for women raised in religious households, both Catholics and other religions, to be taught either directly or by implication that female sexuality is negative or “dirty” and to struggle with the issue as adults.
 
Mumofseven said:
… He got angry with me and said he felt like going to see a prostitute.
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Angry words but are they righteous? No, it is a carnal feeling, a temptation. Sanctifying grace makes it possible to overcome natural temptations.
 
He’s a very god loving man and it is the first time he has said anything of the sort, but it has jolted me into finding answers. We love our faith, we love each other and our family. But we are honestly struggling with this. I’m also scared of turning to people with no faith for advice.
Thank you and if someone can fit in and extra little prayer for us as I’m at a loss to what else I can do.
 
Mumofseven said:
We are using NFP and we have 7 children, ages 16 years to 14 months. I am dreading the coming of my infertile period of the month, as I will have to perform
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I can sympathize. I only have 4 but as I’ve gotten older the desire is less and less especially during the infertile period. I’m just not interested. I think for me it’s the stress of never having privacy as the kids have gotten older, fear of pregnancy and well, aging (declining hormones). It does feel like a chore sometimes. (For the record when I was younger it didn’t. I didn’t have the same upbringing as you though.)

Would your husband be willing to take a few months off while you work on this with some counseling? That way you don’t have the thought of “performing” on your mind…you can address some things more easily.
 
Thanks Tis-Bearself, I do feel like an idiot for starting this thread. Glad you understand where I’m coming from.
 
Don’t feel bad. I think the Catholic people (women and men) who have not struggled in some way with sexuality are in the minority, whether or not they talk about it publicly.

I think a Catholic marriage counselor could probably help you with this issue and it is probably pretty common.
 
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Dear OP, is it possible that your husband and you book some kind of retreat with focus on martial intimacy?
Some days away from your tasks at home to push a reset button and have holidays, but with good Catholic talks as soul food.
 
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