Struggling with the Church's view on Marriage

[Angel7]

Now, keeping in mind Im a helpless romantic of a teenager, and maybe my ideas of marriage are over-romanticised. I recently got a little depressed when I started thinking about marriage. I remembered how The Lord stated that there was no marraige in Heaven.
And I started thinking, then worrying. I had always felt like Marriage was forever, but then I remembered “Untill death do us part”. and it depressed me that something as great as marriage ends at death. It reminded me that in the end, Union with God is the #1 priority. but it upset me, and I started wondering if this whole time I had placed the idea of marriage as #1 instead of God. I love The Lord. but when I came to the realization that marriage is finite, it kinda depressed me.

Also, while I accept what the Church Teaches, I want to question one thing (because maybe im understanding it wrong)

The Church takes a stance against Same-Sex marriage because, frankly, its not possible. Man and woman are made for one another, not man and man or woman and woman. While Love is a big part of marriage, its not 100%. The ability to engage in the marital act is also part of it, and same-sex marriage doesn’t allow that by definition.
This means that a heterosexual who is impotent cannot marry.

Now the question I ask is this.
While I was reading a book on D-Day and the Normandy landings (I like Military History), there was a personal account of a man who had been shot through the leg, he commented that if the bullet had been a few inches higher he would no longer be a man. That got me thinking, “What if someone who isn’t impotent, but then through an injury can no longer engage in the marital act, wishes to marry? What if he were already married? Would he be allowed to marry?”
I mean, by definition since he could no longer engage in the marital act and was rendered impotent, wouldn’t he be barred from marriage?

 

[saveusfromhell]

but there is many drugs which cure impotency. also there is trust in God, if someone is presently impotent does that mean they will always be impotent? would it not be to second guess God to say i am impotent and will always be therrefore i will not marry,if a man were to folllow the laws of God how could he be sure he was impotent prior to his marriage

 

[Zundrah]

Now, keeping in mind Im a helpless romantic of a teenager, and maybe my ideas of marriage are over-romanticised. I recently got a little depressed when I started thinking about marriage. I remembered how The Lord stated that there was no marraige in Heaven.
And I started thinking, then worrying. I had always felt like Marriage was forever, but then I remembered “Untill death do us part”. and it depressed me that something as great as marriage ends at death. It reminded me that in the end, Union with God is the #1 priority. but it upset me, and I started wondering if this whole time I had placed the idea of marriage as #1 instead of God. I love The Lord. but when I came to the realization that marriage is finite, it kinda depressed me.

Also, while I accept what the Church Teaches, I want to question one thing (because maybe im understanding it wrong)

The Church takes a stance against Same-Sex marriage because, frankly, its not possible. Man and woman are made for one another, not man and man or woman and woman. While Love is a big part of marriage, its not 100%. The ability to engage in the marital act is also part of it, and same-sex marriage doesn’t allow that by definition.
This means that a heterosexual who is impotent cannot marry.

Now the question I ask is this.
While I was reading a book on D-Day and the Normandy landings (I like Military History), there was a personal account of a man who had been shot through the leg, he commented that if the bullet had been a few inches higher he would no longer be a man. That got me thinking, “What if someone who isn’t impotent, but then through an injury can no longer engage in the marital act, wishes to marry? What if he were already married? Would he be allowed to marry?”
I mean, by definition since he could no longer engage in the marital act and was rendered impotent, wouldn’t he be barred from marriage?

From what I’ve read in the Catechism on this case it seems some one infertile should not marry.

If they are already married, it is not an issue.

 

[paperwight66]

No, Zundrah. The Church teaches that someone IMPOTENT cannot marry. Infertility is different.

 

[Zundrah]

No, Zundrah. The Church teaches that someone IMPOTENT cannot marry. Infertility is different.

Well, that’s what I meant to say. Clearly.

 

[rhiannonh]

That does’t make sense to me

St Paul has advised on marital life, but nowhere does it say in the Bible that one cannot marry if they are infertile, or impotent for that matter… Do we go by the Bible or by the Church?

 

[Zundrah]

That does’t make sense to me

St Paul has advised on marital life, but nowhere does it say in the Bible that one cannot marry if they are infertile, or impotent for that matter… Do we go by the Bible or by the Church?

What you might want to ask is, what biblical reference is the Church using?

 

[1ke]

Now, keeping in mind Im a helpless romantic of a teenager, and maybe my ideas of marriage are over-romanticised. I recently got a little depressed when I started thinking about marriage. I remembered how The Lord stated that there was no marraige in Heaven.
And I started thinking, then worrying.

Based on your prior posts, you seem to tend towards scrupulosity. You need to be under the care of a competent priest. Are you under such spiritual direction?

"What if someone who isn’t impotent, but then through an injury can no longer engage in the marital act, wishes to marry?

What you are describing IS impotence. A person unable to engage in the act of completed intercourse. If such a person is permanently unable to do so, yes they are impotent and yes that is an impediment to marriage.

What if he were already married?

Then as a couple the spouses embrace this cross. The vows are for better or worse, sickeness and health. Accidents, illness, etc, do not impact the validity of an already consumated marriage.

Would he be allowed to marry?"

No.

I mean, by definition since he could no longer engage in the marital act and was rendered impotent, wouldn’t he be barred from marriage?

Yes.

 

[1ke]

That does’t make sense to me

St Paul has advised on marital life, but nowhere does it say in the Bible that one cannot marry if they are infertile, or impotent for that matter… Do we go by the Bible or by the Church?

Well, “we” who are Catholic are guided by the infallible magesterium regarding Divine Revelation. Divine Revelation includes both Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition.

However, the one flesh union Christ speaks of is not possible if one cannot consumate the marriage. One need only look at the purpose of the genitals and the vows of marriage to see that if one cannot engage in intercourse one cannot fulfill one’s vows and therefore cannot give valid consent.

BTW, the Church does not teach that those who are infertile cannot marry. That prior post was a typo on her part. The infertile are capable of sexual intercourse.

 

[Angel7]

So if someone is rendered impotent due to a physical accident/birth defect he Can’t marry? That seems really unfair though.

There’s still adoption right?

And why is the ability to engage in the marital act more important than the ability to pro-create?

Why is infertility okay but not impotency? (Looking back I can remember I pretty much answered this question when I asked my 1st, “Marriage isn’t all about emotional intimacy” but can someone please elaborate further?) What if the couple wanted to live a sexless marriage?

Also, what did Jesus mean when I think he Said “There is no marriage in Heaven”

Our purpose in life is all about union with God, in Heaven.

But do the people in our lives on earth matter to us in Heaven?

 

[1ke]

So if someone is rendered impotent due to a physical accident/birth defect he Can’t marry?

Correct.

That seems really unfair though.

What is the purpose of marriage? What is it you exchange the exclusive right to when you exchange vows? If properly understood it is not an issue of fairness, but of reality.

Is it unfair that men cannot get pregnant? No. It is a fact and a reality.

There’s still adoption right?

Single people may adopt, certainly. If you mean an impotent person might marry and adopt, no you are still missing the point that it is NOT POSSIBLE for an impotent person to validly marry.

why is the ability to engage in the marital act more important than the ability to pro-create?

It is not a matter of one being “more important”. But it does have to do with the fact that marriage is a fundamental exchange of rights and obligations, and an exchange of persons. Because when one vows something one must be able to fulfill that vow. One exchanges the exclusive, perpetual right to intercourse when one marries. You cannot vow what you cannot give.

Why is infertility okay but not impotency?

Because in marriage we exchange the right to intercourse with our spouse.

We have no right to children, they are always a gift from God. See the Catechism.

What if the couple wanted to live a sexless marriage?

They can mutually agree not to exercise their right, but they must have the ablity to so AND must be willing to do so if either decides they want to engage in relations.

Also, what did Jesus mean when I think he Said “There is no marriage in Heaven”

Exactly what he said. What do you not understand about this?

 

[Angel7]

Exactly what he said. What do you not understand about this?

So I did ask a deacon about this because I was still wondering the answers to the question. He said in Heaven we are all children of God. (That’s true here on Earth too right?)

Well, what I was worrying about was “does this mean the relationships we had on Earth cease to exist on Heaven?” (Friendships/Family/Spousal)

Now, if they were non-existant in Heaven they would be replaced by Full union with God. Which is greater than those earthly relationships.

But do you see why the possibility of losing those relationships may seem scary?

 

[LovePatience]

Where is the teaching that the impotent cannot marry?

 

[Nate13]

Where is the teaching that the impotent cannot marry?

Can.* 1084 §1. Antecedent and perpetual impotence to have intercourse, whether on the part of the man or the woman, whether absolute or relative, nullifies marriage by its very nature.

§2. If the impediment of impotence is doubtful, whether by a doubt about the law or a doubt about a fact, a marriage must not be impeded nor, while the doubt remains, declared null.

§3. Sterility neither prohibits nor nullifies marriage, without prejudice to the prescript of ⇒ can. 1098.

 

[1ke]

So I did ask a deacon about this because I was still wondering the answers to the question. He said in Heaven we are all children of God. (That’s true here on Earth too right?)

Well, what I was worrying about was “does this mean the relationships we had on Earth cease to exist on Heaven?” (Friendships/Family/Spousal)

Now, if they were non-existant in Heaven they would be replaced by Full union with God. Which is greater than those earthly relationships.

But do you see why the possibility of losing those relationships may seem scary?

we retain our identities and we will know our loved ones in Heaven.

 

[Jeremiah1278]

So I did ask a deacon about this because I was still wondering the answers to the question. He said in Heaven we are all children of God. (That’s true here on Earth too right?)

Well, what I was worrying about was “does this mean the relationships we had on Earth cease to exist on Heaven?” (Friendships/Family/Spousal)

Now, if they were non-existant in Heaven they would be replaced by Full union with God. Which is greater than those earthly relationships.

But do you see why the possibility of losing those relationships may seem scary?

Hi Angel7. I guess the way I think about it is that, yes, it does seem scary, but that’s sort of a product of my worldly self that is highly dependent on those relationships for love and happiness. Truth is, I don’t really know what Heaven will be like. It’s impossible to comprehend. But I have faith that it won’t be scary. Faith that eternal happiness awaits and that I should try not to build it up in my head. Really, everytime I try to imagine what Heaven would be like, I’m probably failing tragically. You start building it in your own worldly image, “Well, I really loved my first dog and fishing with my Grandpa. So there better be tons of that.” I think I am fooling myself when I start thinking that way. I’m guessing a lot of that stuff is meant to help get us through this life, not really the next. I think I might be selling Heaven short when I try to imagine Heaven as All The Good Stuff Of This Life.

 

[fred_conty]

QUOTE BY Angel,
Well, what I was worrying about was “does this mean the relationships we had on Earth cease to exist on Heaven?” (Friendships/Family/Spousal)
UNQUOTE

St Paul once said when we grow up we put away the things of a child. They simply no longer appeal to us as a mature person. In heaven it is the same. The things we think are so important will dissapear. However we will all be one in God, so we will be appreciative for the love and help we have received and will enjoy one another, but in a stronger way.

Just a thought.

 

[John21652]

Is it unfair that men cannot get pregnant? No. It is a fact and a reality.

Oh, this is more than fair. God’s infinite wisdom and generosity should never be underestimted.

 

[fbl9]

Also, what did Jesus mean when I think he Said “There is no marriage in Heaven”

?

As you can see marriage is primarly ordered to the begatting of children. In heaven there is no need to procreate, thus no need for marriage.