There is a belief held among some-to a greater or lesser degree-that Sts. Joachim and Anne offered the Blessed Virgin to God as a perpetual virgin in her childhood. In order to make sure that this vow would remain in effect when she came of age, Our Lady was betrothed -but perhaps never actually married- to her much older relative, Joseph, supposedly a widower. This idea is why some Eastern prayers refer to him as “Joseph the Betrothed” or “Joseph the Aged.” Keep in mind that THIS IS NOT CHURCH TEACHING. I’m not sure if it overtly contradicts anything the Church teaches…if so I would say that it would have to do with saying that Our Lady and St. Joseph never actually married. He’s my patron, so we speak somewhat frequently
and I sometimes refer to him as the “Spouse of the Mother of God” or “Husband of Mary.” I’m sure he gets the drift, even if my wording’s not perfect!
These little stories pop up here and there. Some people see them as dangerous, some see them as harmless. I think the important thing is to stick close to the Church and focus on the FAITH and not the little stories that sound nice
Remember, these are just ideas, not teachings from the Church.
It is also very important to mention that in the Latin Church’s Divine Praises we pray, “Blessed be Joseph her most chaste spouse.” The word spouse is used.
Given Jewish culture at the time, it is more than likely that Mary and Joseph were legally married. The idea of a woman living in a man’s home without being his wife could get her stoned. Betrothed was the first step in the marriage process, unlike our idea of betrothed, which means a promise to marry, but not legally binding. Remember in the Gospel it tells us that Joseph was thinking of divorcing Mary. A betrothal was a legally binding contract that ended in marriage. Actually, this custom became common among certain Christian cultures as well. In England, if you asked a woman to marry you and you cried off, you could be sued. The woman could cry off and it was OK.
As to the relationship between the son-in-law and the parents-in-law, we don’t know anything specific. However, you must remember that in those days and in that culture, it was the woman who went to live with her husband’s family. The relationship between the daughter-in-law and her in-laws was much more important than that of a son-in-law with his in-laws.
We’re looking at this through a purely anthropological lens. Looking at it through Christian tradition, given what we know about Mary, it stands to reason that her parents were very holy people and would not pick a man for her who did not equal their faith and dignity.
Let us also look at everything that Joseph says in the Gospels.
He speaks to us about mercy. When he finds out about Mary’s pregnancy, he wants a divorce, but he does not want to do her any harm.
He speaks to us about faith. He has a dream and he takes the angel at his word and takes Mary for his wife.
He speaks to us about fidelity to the covenant. When the census takes place, he travels to Bethlehem to the city of his father, David.
He speaks to us about the love of a husband. When the time comes to deliver the baby, he goes in search for an inn where Mary can have privacy and where she can give birth according to the law, not in the middle of a crowded house with out of town relations all over the place. The best he can do is a cave, but he tried.
He speaks to us about family. When the angel warns him about Herod, Joseph takes his little family into Egypt, which was illegal in those days. The Roman Empire and Egypt were not on friendly terms. Palestine was part of the Empire. The Jews were not welcome. He takes his chances to protect his family.
He speaks to us about parenting. When he plans to return to Palestine, he changes his plan and goes to Nazareth to protect the child.
He speaks to us about a husband’s respect for his wife. When the child is lost and found in the temple, Joseph let’s Mary handle the disciplining. It is she who scolds the boy. The husband respects her rights as a mother.
Without a word, Joseph has a lot to say. I would be proud and would die in peace with the knowledge that my daughter was married to a man with such qualities. Mary’s parents probably were too.
If you want to be appreciated by your future in-laws, be another Joseph to their daughter.
