J
Jay74
Guest
I recall discussion on the meaning of “submission” Biblically on this forum before. Last night, I read this in “Boundaries in Marriage” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I found it to be very good an informative, so I’ll just type the whole section in. It discussed misunderstanding and misuse, for example it is usually brought up in counseling to justify controlling and not serving. The book is wonderful, and I’d recommend it to anyone married or planning marriage. 
Submission (page 246 of “Boundaries in Marriage”)
Few passages in the Bible have been subject to more misunderstanding and misuse than this teaching on submission: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the family as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” (Ephesians 5:22-23,25) Husbands have used the apostle Paul’s teaching to justify control and abuse of their wives. In fact, we have rarely seen a client in marriage therapy bring up submission unless a big part of the problem is a controlling husband. Usually a husband wants to control and not serve his wife, and he is in denial of his own controlling behaviou. When his wife has finally had enough and stands up to him, he plays the submission card as a way of getting back in control and avoidingwhatever problems she is confronting. This is not what this passage has in mind.
Basically this passage establishes a sense of order in a marriage. It places final responsibility for the family on the shoulders of the husband. He is the “head,” or the leader of the family, as Christ is the leader of the church. The passage asks the wife to submit to her husbands leadership, as we all submit to christ’s leadership.
What does this leadership look like? It is basically the leadership Christ provides the church: He died for her and makes her whole. He looks out for her growth and best interest, cleanses her from guilt, provides resources for her growth, and protects her from the world, the flesh, and the devil. He helps her to invest her talents, heal her hurts, takes her suffering on himself, supports her in trials, and comes alongside of her when she falls.
The apostle Paul describes this leadership role in Philippians 2 as one of a giving servant: “your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (vv5-8). A leader is a giving servant who is committed to the best for the one(s) he or she is leading. If a wife is resisting a husband who is loving, truthful, protective, and providing for her well-being, then something is wrong. The commandment for her to submit, to respond to her husband assumes he is loving her in this way. So, whether we are speaking of the church or of marriage, the commandment provides a beautiful picture of sacrificial love and the response to such a love.
Continued…
Submission (page 246 of “Boundaries in Marriage”)
Few passages in the Bible have been subject to more misunderstanding and misuse than this teaching on submission: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the family as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” (Ephesians 5:22-23,25) Husbands have used the apostle Paul’s teaching to justify control and abuse of their wives. In fact, we have rarely seen a client in marriage therapy bring up submission unless a big part of the problem is a controlling husband. Usually a husband wants to control and not serve his wife, and he is in denial of his own controlling behaviou. When his wife has finally had enough and stands up to him, he plays the submission card as a way of getting back in control and avoidingwhatever problems she is confronting. This is not what this passage has in mind.
Basically this passage establishes a sense of order in a marriage. It places final responsibility for the family on the shoulders of the husband. He is the “head,” or the leader of the family, as Christ is the leader of the church. The passage asks the wife to submit to her husbands leadership, as we all submit to christ’s leadership.
What does this leadership look like? It is basically the leadership Christ provides the church: He died for her and makes her whole. He looks out for her growth and best interest, cleanses her from guilt, provides resources for her growth, and protects her from the world, the flesh, and the devil. He helps her to invest her talents, heal her hurts, takes her suffering on himself, supports her in trials, and comes alongside of her when she falls.
The apostle Paul describes this leadership role in Philippians 2 as one of a giving servant: “your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (vv5-8). A leader is a giving servant who is committed to the best for the one(s) he or she is leading. If a wife is resisting a husband who is loving, truthful, protective, and providing for her well-being, then something is wrong. The commandment for her to submit, to respond to her husband assumes he is loving her in this way. So, whether we are speaking of the church or of marriage, the commandment provides a beautiful picture of sacrificial love and the response to such a love.
Continued…