Suffering with sin

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I used to masturbate but I heard it was a sin and only recently I found out it was a Mortal Sin
this shocked me and I worried about it as it was a day before my Confirmation but then I was put in the mindset that it wasn’t a mortal sin unless you knew it was a grave sin, do you just have to know it’s a sin for it to be grave.

I am going to confession tomorrow, I’ve been worrying about this for months but haven’t done anything about it, I haven’t left the church or anything

Thank you, 🙂
 
I have a very similar story

But I didn’t handle it as well as you did and i still haven’t

But I’m glad that other people are defeating that frustrating sin
 
Cathohelp.
Pax Domini,

It sounds by your comments that you struggled with this in the past, and now don’t struggle with this anymore possibly. It is not a mortal sin if you didn’t know it was a grave sin. It is also not a mortal sin if it is not done with full consent.

Please listen to what the Catechism says on the subject. CCC#2352

"By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability."

When I was younger I used to struggle with unchastity. I think anyone who doesn’t develop a prayer life, a sacramental life, and a penitential life struggles with chastity all their life. I have met many men in their 60’s and 70’s who still struggle with unchastity, it doesn’t go away without God’s aid. It is a true miracle to become completely chaste.

I am not prideful when I say this, but I honestly don’t struggle with anything unchaste anymore. My dad got completely chaste just going to Sunday mass, saying a few prayers through every day, and a very penitential work life. Maybe you are like my dad and will be able to get chaste without too much effort. I was not able to do this, I had to pray my rosary everyday, go to Sunday mass, and confession when I did sin (before I would ever receive the Eucharist), and consecrate myself to Our Lady by St. Louis de Montfort. I think most people who do what I just described will become completely chaste within a year or two. You also are going to have to pray if you don’t have anything to do at the moment, everyday. Maybe alternate saying the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.” And then say a Hail Mary. Alternate over and over those prayers all through the day, over and over. Also, prayerfully read your Catechism or Bible for thirty minutes a day, minimum, alternate days during the week so you read both every week. This is really important. That is what I had to do anyways.

St. Therese of the Child Jesus, says that the saint is someone who gets up after many failures and begins again. This requires humility, knowing we are sinful creatures in need of God’s help. Here is the thing, we will continue to be unchaste until we realize that left to our own will power and devices, we will not be able to remain chaste for long. I simply can’t just will to be chaste, I need God’s grace (his power, strength, and help) to strengthen my will and intellect and guard against disordered passions, to sustain chastity. This is especially true when we become habitually disposed to a certain type of sin, it takes grace to get us out of it. So grace mainly comes through the sacraments and constant prayer, along with regular penances like fasting. I would fast on every Friday at least and eat only one meal that day with no meat (eat fish instead for protein). You could also extend that penance and abstain from meat on every Wed and Sat, but not absolutely necessary. Please see my other writing in this forum on Prayer: How to increase in holiness/sanctity the most. I think I do a good job in there at explaining the necessity of prayer to help you overcome sin, and what prayers are best. Please read it. Here it is … forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=1052104

I couldn’t fit it all in, please read below…
 
Continuing my thoughts from what I wrote above…

Anyways, so to be chaste, the saints recommend three Hail Mary’s in the morning to ask Mary “for the grace to stay chaste according to my state in life, and purity of heart so my heart may not desire evil things.” And then three Hail Mary’s in evening “thanking Our Lady for giving you the grace to stay chaste according to your state in life and purity of heart so your heart may not desire evil things.” I encourage you to get on your knees for that prayer.

Then you have to keep “custody of the eyes,” “custody of the heart,” and “custody of desire.” For example for custody of the eyes, meaning you never allow your eyes to stay focused on a woman’s body part that you like, so you don’t desire her. It is not a sin to look once, that shows you are a man, but don’t look twice, that is a sin. Custody of the heart and custody of desire, means you don’t allow your heart to desire a another woman at all. You don’t say to yourself, hey I would like that woman for myself. Lust, covetousness, means we desire to possess someone else that is not our wife. Mt 5:28, says, “everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Abstaining from lust is very important. Besides that, masturbation to reach pollution or climax, requires you to lust for a woman in your mind at least before climax can be reached. So don’t do that. If you fall into lust, that means basically you would be willing to have adultery if you could get away with it at that moment. So smash all covetous, lustful thoughts immediately on the rock of Christ when they come before your eyes or heart (a desire for possessing sexually) before they can’t be stopped. And then pray as soon as the temptation occurs, say a Hail Mary, and Jesus prayer, for the grace to not fall into that temptation. Temptation is not a sin, sin is a sin. This may take some time for you to completely get over a sinful habit. It sounds like it was something in the past that you may have already gotten over.

But you want a penance you can practice everyday, sacrifice something in honor of Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary for us, so sacrifice something out of love everyday for Christ. So maybe, think about wearing a hair shirt/sackcloth, for penance, at least when you are at home while awake. It is not a torture device, and is not too bad, a little penitential though, but not too scary as it may sound. Ok. FYI, If you are in a state of grace, sackcloth becomes kind of like wearing a cotton shirt, if you are not in a state of grace, sackcloth becomes seriously a discomfort. So just stay in a state of grace. Or practice a penance like maybe try and just drink liquid at meals only. Offer up your thirst for souls, like Jesus did when on the cross, he thirsted for souls. Penance extinguishes the antecedent appetites and disordered passions (emotions), so our intellect can attain knowledge of the truth (without being held back by passions, commonly referred today as emotions) and a will, to desire the good… which is to love God, to desire to please him, and delight him through the practice of virtue, and obey his commandments. His commandments are naturally good for us and supernaturally good for our soul.

Penance also makes reparation to God for the offense done to him, so it is important.

Also, I suggest for chastity that you not watch TV except for EWTN, give up movies that are not Catholic movies, etc. This helps you keep custody of the eyes. In Christo per Mariam, Michael.
 
Please read above what I wrote…

Also, try to be perfectly abandoned to God’s will, try to love God’s will, and never desire anything that God doesn’t desire for you. Read Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence, it was written by the visionary of the Sacred Heart’s spiritual director. So it is truly good, written in part by St. Colombiere, a Jesuit priest.

You have to also stay in the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love. Humility is really important. So read up on those, do an** Act of Faith, Act of Hope, Act of Love** everyday. Look up those prayers on the internet. Also do an Act of Humility

So, take these personality tests to grow in self knowledge, and attain humility, so you can be chaste. Pray for humility. forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=1052340

Read Divine Intimacy book on humiliations. Humiliations are the best thing that can happen to a soul. So don’t be resentful or act out of anger when they come. Humiliations are what brings humility. Humiliations for me have been serious injustices imposed on me by others usually, these were really good for me. They helped me grow in humility and thereby virtue. Christ had the ultimate humiliation, he died on the cross even though he was perfectly innocent, unlike me, and was rejected by nearly everyone he loved. All his apostles abandoned him, nearly except for St. John when he was going through the passion. Pray to endure humiliations well, this will be your key to growing in humility. Soldiers when going through boot camp undergo humiliations, but they seek those out, don’t seek them out (so they probably are not as effective in growing in humility), but just allow God to bring humiliations to you when they come, and endure your suffering well when they occur. Thank God for the pain of the humiliation, this is key in making reparations to God, for the offense to an all good and loving God, what an injustice sin is. It is so full of gratitude and presumption, it might appear fun at the time, but it is a serious offense to God and injures our souls. Make reparation to God, by thanking Him whenever you are in pain. You can either thank God for the pain or you can curse him for it. When you experience pain, say with all the love you can muster, “Thank you Jesus.” Don’t curse God for pain by abandoning him. He in everything only desires the good for you, even in your suffering. As time goes on hopefully you will get better and better at thanking God for your pain, and thereby grow more perfectly abandoned to his will, and thereby grow in humility, thereby love, and thereby serious virtue like chastity. So trust Him, trust also in his mercy, and love even when you suffer. He loves you!

Seriously, consecrate yourself to Jesus through Mary, by St. Louis De Montfort. If you do, you will most likely become very chaste, and practice perfect chastity rather soon. Take your consecration seriously, and you will have extra help from Mary, I assure you.
 
The act was always grave, but you need to be knowledgeable about it for it to be a mortal sin. It sounds like you’re entirely in earnest and not looking to justify tha act.

I would still bring it up in your next confession, now that you know.

Force of habit can reduce your culpability for the sin, too, and masturbation is terribly addictive. That obviously never makes it good. It’s a habit that one should pursue breaking. It is best discussed with a priest, though. And welcome the healing power of reconciliation now and if you ever stumble in the future.
 
Please read what I wrote above,

Act of Faith,
“O my God, I firmly believe that Thou art one God in three divine Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost; I believe that Thy divine Son became man, and died for our sins, and that He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe these and all the truths which the holy Catholic Church teaches, because Thou hast revealed them, Who canst neither deceive nor be deceived.”

Act of Hope,
“O my God, relying on Thy infinite goodness (meaning God desire heaven for you), and promises (if you preserve in your devotions you will be saved, constant prayer will save you, be certain of God leading you to attain the eternal beatitude, heaven), I hope to obtain pardon of my sins, the help Thy grace, and life everlasting, through the merits of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Redeemer.”

Act of Charity (love),
“O my God, I love Thee above all things, with my whole heart and soul, because Thou art all good and worthy of all love. I love my neighbor as myself for love of Thee. I forgive all who have injured me and ask pardon of all whom I have injured.”
-To love means to desire the good for God. So desire to please him, delight him, and console him through prayer and practice of the virtues. Make reparation to him. Say the Fatima prayers out of love for him too, pray your rosary with lots of love too. This is just basic stuff.

Prayer of Thomas a Kempis, 👍
“Grant me Your grace, most merciful Jesus, that it may be with me and work with me and persevere with me even to the end. Grant that I may always desire and will that which is to You most acceptable and dear. Let Your will be mine, and let my will ever follow Yours and agree perfectly with it. Let my willing and not-willing be all one with Yours, and let me be unable to will otherwise than You will or do not will.”

Prayer of St. Therese of the Child Jesus,
I use “Sacred Heart”, she uses "God"in the prayer, I pray mine like this.
“Sacred Heart of Jesus, grant that I may love Thee, and the only reward of my love, that I may love Thee more and ever more.”

I then say the same prayer for the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Also, a good prayer when angry, is this indulgenced prayer,
“Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart, like unto Thine.”

Listen to all sermons on Sentrad.org, these really helped me, Father Ripperger is really awesome. Also buy his book called, “Introduction to the Science of Mental Health,” this book says a lot about the virtues, the spiritual life, and grace, and Gifts and Fruits of the Holy Ghost. He is a great Thomist, meaning he studies St. Thomas Aquinas. This book is excellent at learning how to think like a true Catholic.

Develop a serious prayer life! And all sin can be conquered through Mary and the Eucharist!!! Have confidence in God.

Obviously, when you fall into sin say the Act of Contrition, and go to confession if it was a mortal sin.
 
Please read all my comments above first,

I need to say something about “Thanking God for the Pain,”. St. Colombiere wrote this in his book, Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence." He says in there that St. Francis of Assisi when on his death bed thanked God for the pain he was undergoing. This book speaks several times of doing that. Also the book by Father Michael Gaitley, “Consoling the Heart of Jesus,” says we should thank God for the pain to make reparation for the offenses to God we commit by sin.

Thanking God for the pain, is really good too, when you fall into grave/mortal sin, when you are in pain that you are not in a state of grace and are separated from God. It hurts to know you are such a serious sinner, so make reparation then.

Also anytime you are in pain and say as lovingly as you can, “Thank you Jesus.” Doing so we greatly grow in holiness. Offer your pain up through Mary’s Immaculate Heart so she can attach it to the Sacred Heart of Jesus in his Passion, Death, and Resurrection, and also to every Eucharistic sacrifice offered at every mass offered up till the end of time.

Thanking God for the pain is purgative. Meaning it is reparation to God. We can either make reparation now when we are alive or in purgatory. So make reparation now by thanking God for the pain. When we thank God for the pain, we become more and more perfectly abandoned to his will, loving his will, and thereby growing in humility and thereby charity, and thereby reach the ultimate prize, Union with God.

Don’t just thank God when you are in pain, thank Him also when you are joyful, or just relaxed. Thank him also when you are at peace and not at peace. Thank most especially for his Passion, Death, and Resurrection, for his Incarnation too. All with much love.
 
Here is another thing that really helped me have perfect chastity.

When I pray my rosary in the sorrowful mysteries, when praying the decade on the scourging at the pillar of Jesus. I pray it for the perfect virtue of chastity according to my state in life and purity of heart so my heart may not desire evil things. When mediating on the scourging. I ask Mary to put me in the wounds of Christ’s scourging so I can be hidden there and healed of my disordered passions (emotions) and have perfect purity and chastity. Further when meditating on the scourging, I think of this prophecy of the passion of Chirst. Isaiah 53, read it is very good, read the whole Chapter 53. But when I say the rosary, during the decade of the scourging, I meditate on being in the wounds of Christ at every lash of the whip, “with his stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5).

Also praying the Litany of Humility is really great at overcoming fear and growing in humility too. Here is that prayer,
ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm

Humility is absolutely essential in obtaining the virtue of chastity, being habitually chaste. Pray for it.
 
Please read above what I wrote.

I need to say something more about thanking God for the pain. It is not that Christ is pleased when we suffer and are in pain. But he like a good Father, disciplines us for our good. He wants us to turn to him and bring him our pain. So when you suffer go immediately to Jesus and Mary, they will comfort you and heal you. Rom 8:28, “We know that in everything God works for good with those who** love** him.” So will the good for God through the practice of perfect abandonment to his will and practice of virtue (particularly faith, hope, and love, and also prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance), and of course through love obey the commandments through the practice of virtue. John 15:9-11, Jesus says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love… These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

So that bible verse says that if we love God, we will obey his commandments. It also says that loving God and obeying his commandments will lead us to have Christ’s joy in us (Fruit of the Holy Spirit), and that our joy may be full. The reason why people are unhappy is because of sin, which ultimately stems from a lack of love God. We should avoid all sin, any offense that displeases God out of love, and practice virtue (good habits) instead. God wants only the best for us, disobeying God hurts us and is not good for us. We are like sheep, that if we go outside the fold, we get eaten by wolves. God calls us back, by mercy, and we can be restored and happy with him. Like St. Augustine wrote, “God our hearts are restless, until we rest in Thee.” God fills that empty spiritual void in our heart, that we try and fill with worldly pursuits like sin, money, illicit sex, power, popularity, esteem, drugs, alcohol, etc. And only God can fill us with what we truly desire, himself (God), he gives us tons of love, joy, and peace through prayer. God truly lives us in if we are in a state of grace. And when we progress spiritually the more love, joy, and peace he gives, this is His promise guaranteed. Sure to reach Union with God, we have to go through purgative phases of pain and when in the Illuminative stage we have go through the Dark Night of the Soul to reach consolation with God, but when we get to Unitive stage, Union with God, we experience the ecstasy of the saints. Which is way better than any creaturely pleasure. God is good to those who love him and persevere in prayer and obey His commandments. We first have to completely quit sinning to reach the higher spiritual stages.

People who sin a lot in life, will tell you that eventually sin stops making them happy. Like a drug addict whose drugs stop getting him high. Sin is not going to bring us ultimate happiness and fulfillment, only God can do that, since He is our ultimate good and our final end.
 
Please read above what I wrote…

Confession is absolutely necessary if you are in mortal sin. Which I don’t the think the author starting this post is in mortal sin, since he says he didn’t know masturbation was grave. But let me just say Confession (the Sacrament of Penance) not only restores God living in us, God also hears our prayers after we go to confession. If we are not in a state of grace, God doesn’t listen to our prayers. So all those Catholics in college when in mortal sin who pray to God to make them have good grades on exams, God doesn’t hear their prayers. If we are in mortal sin, the only prayers God hears is prayers of repentance. God completely leaves the person if one offends God by mortal sin. Sure, we can be restored to sanctifying grace if we have perfect contrition. Meaning we truly are sorry primarily for offending an all good and loving God, more sorry for that than we are sorry for offending God because we are afraid of going to hell. Although, we can’t deny the fact that we deserve hell for a mortal sin, God doesn’t forgive us if we don’t recognize the seriousness of our sin. In order to have sanctifying grace restored after mortal sin (if we don’t go to confession first) we not only have to have everything I just wrote (perfect contrition), but we also have to have the desire to go to confession as soon as possible and also we have to have the desire to never offend God again with a mortal sin. Now we should just accept with humility that we truly don’t have within us the capacity to have perfect contrition, to have perfect contrition it truly takes God acting in us to make us have a perfect act of contrition. So go to confession if you are in mortal sin.

Also, confession not only restores sanctifying grace. We are given the grace to not offend God again mortally (in the sacrament of Penance, Confession). We obviously need to God living in us to give us the ability to stay in a state of grace to live holy and stay out of offending him. So confession is extremely good for us. Most people I think don’t go to confession cause they are embarrassed or maybe they think what is the use, I am just going to sin again (they despair in other words), if you die like that you will not go to heaven or even purgatory. So go to confession always after mortal sin. This is the teaching of Christ. Christ gave us the Church to heal us when we sin.
 
A couple things that help break sinful habits, especially sexual sins -

Confession weekly - there will be a week where you are not saying the same thing - progress!

As you work out of your key sin, you will recognize the other sins that you look past because of the 1 that has you hostage.

Exercise - getting your energy out in other ways with the bonus of going to bed tired.

There is a good book about understanding sin better and breaking it’s hold - The seven deadly sins by Kevin Vost.

One key to the fight - Don’t assume habit = not sin. That is the devil keeping you right where he wants you. (This was an incorrect teaching I received once, which had a very negative effect on my life)

Keep fighting!
 
Please read what I wrote above,

Once again, I need to say something about Thanking God for the Pain.

Sin is ultimately pride, saying to God “no I will not serve you.” “I prefer sin over you God.” This is really bad. I think a lot of our pain we undergo is due to our pride being hurt. So, kill the Beast within by saying,** “Thank you Jesus,”** absolutely as lovingly as you can when you are in pain. Seriously, your pride is going to hate this, Satan is absolutely going to hate this, both Satan and your pride are going to want to rebel in what you normally have habitual sins toward, with what gives you pleasure or escape from your pride being hurt and killed. Your pride is going to try and take to some awful places, if you start “Thanking God for the Pain.” Don’t let your pride take control of you, run back to Mary and Jesus when your tempted, and ask for the grace to not yield to the temptation. God is really good, and only allows pain as a medicine for our souls. God wants you humble.

Practice Mary’s fiat at the Annunciation, say “Be hold the handmaid of the Lord, Let it be done unto me according to Your word.”
 
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