Suggestions for remaining an active Godparent when your Godchild's family has left the Church

[fourforus]

Hello! My husband and I are the Godparents of our 8 year old niece. Here’s the back story: My sister’s ex-husband joined the Catholic Church when they were expecting their first (and only) child. He grew up in the Methodist Church, and his family remains Methodist. When our niece was 2 years old, they divorced. He immediately went back to the Methodist Church. he has since remarried and they attend the Methodist Church where my niece also attends on the weekends she is with her dad; she is also involved in the Methodist children’s choir, Sunday School and basically all children’s ministry activities - which are many because this is very active, large congregation. My sister (who was basically Catholic in name only) has only been to Mass 3 times in 6 years (for the Baptisms of our children who were born after her divorce.) Her ex & his new wife are insistent that our niece be active in their church and my sister has never said otherwise …not to mention that she ignores all invitations for participation at our parish. She has never attempted to be involved in our Catholic faith since her separation & divorce.

So, my husband and I continue to send cards at various holidays & I try to find cards that are addressed “To Our Goddaughter” or “From your Godparents” and my sister never says anything negative about it. If we invite our niece to participate with our family at a Parish event, she gladly lets us to her daughter, but she doesn’t come along. And, this only works out occasionally due to the every other weekend custody schedule.

I guess I’m just not sure what I should and should not be doing. We are her Godparents, but she is MOST active with her dad at the Methodist church. Her mom is not active anywhere. Because of this, I feel that I shouldn’t give her gifts that are uniquely Catholic in nature. My sister would probably tell me that it would be confusing for her to receive a Catholic book or rosary for example. And I’m pretty sure her step mom would FREAK OUT on us.So, I find myself choosing general Christian gifts/symbols like a cross necklace vs. a saint medal; Veggie Tale movies when she was younger; etc. We definitely share our Catholic faith with her when she’s with us, but I struggle with the whole situation.

We can’t be the only people in this situation. I’m looking for ideas, suggestions, etc from others dealing with this. Of course we pray for her (and all of them) all the time … but what should we tangibly be doing? What have you done before if you have gone through this? If you are now an adult, but were once the child in this situation, I’d love to hear your insight!!!

 

[mfrances]

I think you are doing the best you can given the situation.

Do as much as you can to remind your goddaughter of her true faith without overstepping her parents.

As for a Catholic book or rosary as a gift, you should ask your sister. Don’t just assume it would not be welcomed. You never know!

As for the step-mom issue, if the child’s mother approves of certain gifts then that supercedes any opinion she has.

My situation was a bit different, I’m in my 20s now, but I was baptised and my parents never went to Mass except for some years on Easter Sunday. But they didn’t participate in another church, so there was no conflict I guess. Catholic gifts were always welcome from my relatives.

 

[fourforus]

Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut!

 

[anruari]

As Godparent you assumed the Right and Responsibility to ensure that your Goddaughter was brought up in The Faith.

It is very much better that she is raised as Active Methodist, then non-practising Catholic.

If I was in your shoes I would look to sit down with her Father and his current “wife” and seek their permission to have as active a role in your God-daughters spiritual formation as possible, and set suitable ground-rules which will avoid setting up contradictions between what she is taught by her parents, step parent(s) and yourself.

The Goal should be to provide her with the knowledge that she was baptised into the Catholic Church, and has the right to be raised with a good knowledge of that faith.
That her Dad and Step-Mom are doing the best they can to raise her as a Christian, but that there is more.
That you can help her learn the rest and bring her to the Sacraments if she wishes to. - subject to suitable agreements with her parents until she is of suitable age to make her own decisions in this area.

Fraternal Correction of her parents is probably not appropriate in this situation. your duty is to your God daughter, and you must do what you can to give her all possible opportunities to learn about the Catholic Faith. Alienating her parents would hinder that obligation.
Letting her hear you criticizing her parents would similarly hinder your ability. When she is older she, if she is learning the Truth, she may come asking questions about her parents marriages and you will need to have your thoughts prepared but hopefully you can take your time to come up with a carefully thought out response that acknowledges the importance of Christian Marriage, but does not condemn the Sinner only their Sin, especially due to significant cultural pressures on individuals which lead them to attempt marriages without the proper and necessary understanding or intent.
Help her to see that SHE needs to accept the True Christian counter-cultural attitude to these things in seeking a husband when she gets to that age.

 

[devoutchristian]

bring her to the Sacraments if she wishes to. - subject to suitable agreements with her parents until she is of suitable age to make her own decisions in this area.

The OP said that his/her niece is 8, that’s normally above the age of reason.

 

[fourforus]

As Godparent you assumed the Right and Responsibility to ensure that your Goddaughter was brought up in The Faith.

It is very much better that she is raised as Active Methodist, then non-practising Catholic.

If I was in your shoes I would look to sit down with her Father and his current “wife” and seek their permission to have as active a role in your God-daughters spiritual formation as possible, and set suitable ground-rules which will avoid setting up contradictions between what she is taught by her parents, step parent(s) and yourself. …That you can help her learn the rest and bring her to the Sacraments if she wishes to. - subject to suitable agreements with her parents until she is of suitable age to make her own decisions in this area.

Her father defers to his ‘wife’ in all areas. Before he ‘remarried’ there was little issue with the differences. The step-mom, however, barks and he jumps (or doesn’t.) She is not willing to speak with or have much to do with our side. Because she isn’t Catholic, she just doesn’t understand the significance of parts of our faith. To her, the role of Godparents is honorary, a title, a special bond … but not far reaching. She would never sit down to discuss this because she sees no importance, and he won’t do anything without her. He would never sit down with us on his own. We are trying be an influence without creating more tension … there is already too much tension as it is.

…Fraternal Correction of her parents is probably not appropriate in this situation. your duty is to your God daughter, and you must do what you can to give her all possible opportunities to learn about the Catholic Faith. Alienating her parents would hinder that obligation.
Letting her hear you criticizing her parents would similarly hinder your ability.
…

We are not trying to alienate any of her parents. My sister chooses to not join us.
We NEVER criticize her parents in front of her or in front of our own children. That is not the type of people we are.

thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut