Support While Waiting for Annulments?

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Long time lurker, first time poster here. I did run a search but it looked like all threads related to this had been locked; if I’ve overlooked something please let me know.

I’m in a delicate situation in that my husband and I are both Catholic, but he needs an annulment before the Church will recognize our marriage. He’s working on it and, after much prayer and discernment, we have realized that it is better for our marriage to abstain from receiving the Eucharist instead of attempting to live as brother and sister. In the meantime, I’m also trying to support him emotionally through this trying time.

What I can’t seem to find is a place where I can get the support -I- need in order to be his support. The local priests are too busy calling me an adulteress or full of lust to listen to my requests for help. The ex-wife is all too happy to seize on the fact that we’re not receiving and use it to poison his kids against us. And my secular friends are truly perplexed that I’m just not leaving the Church entirely.

Can anyone recommend online resources for people to support each other while waiting on the annulment? Not receiving is doing major damage to my faith and my emotional life, but not supporting my husband would be worse. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is experiencing anger and grief on a regular basis as a result of this kind of situation, but I can’t seem to find the others.

Thanks.
 
They said that if I couldn’t stay away from the sin of adultery (i.e., having sex with my husband) then they couldn’t help me. Note that I’m already not receiving. Which means I’m in line with the Church’s teaching. What I am asking for is help supporting my husband. The one priest who listened long enough said that he was not interested in helping me support anything other than my husband reconciling with his ex-wife, because the Church prefers keeping marriages together.

(When I pointed out that this attitude was directly opposed to keeping my marriage together, his answer was, but you aren’t married.)
 
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While you wait for the annulment to go through, go to Mass but not Communion…

And, TRY to live as brother and sister…it’s NOT impossible. Just pray for the grace to do so, as there are other ways to convey love.
 
We tried, but my husband’s ex-wife used sex as a weapon and he’s having to work through a lot of issues related to that. Our abstinence was doing him further psychological damage. No loving wife willingly causes psychological damage to her husband.

Also, sitting through Mass is not giving me the strength I need to support him as he fights the Church that is defending that abusive marriage. Hence, my post here. Are there truly no resources for me?
 
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Yes.

I’m looking for support for myself, so that I can nurture the strength I need to support him.
 
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I pray for her daily. Is that the only support that’s available to me? Just advice to pray and go to Mass? I’m already doing those things and it’s not giving me enough strength.
 
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BTypical said:
I’m looking for support for myself, so that I can nurture the strength I need to support him.
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What kind of support are you looking for, exactly?

The priest cannot tell you it’s okay for you to essentially commit grave sins, so you put them in a bit of a bind.
Have you spoken to a lay counselor?
I also agree with the suggestion to see if there is a group at the diocesan level that you might be able to join.
 
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The priests you spoke with are in a difficult position. But that doesn’t excuse them treating you disrespectfully.

Marriage enjoys the favor of the Law. That means the Church assumes his previous marriage is valid until proven not to be by the Tribunal.
You need to at least consider the possibility that they are validly married, in other words, sometimes an annulment is not granted.
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Similar difficulties arise when persons needing an annulment are permitted to begin RCIA; if the annulment is not granted, the person cannot become Catholic. They are hurt and angry, and the whole thing is a mess.

That’s why the Church says you should have the decree of nullity in hand before entering RCIA or dating a new person (particularly when there are minor children involved).

How long ago was the case filed? Do you have an idea when you might hear from the Tribunal? (Full disclosure - I am an annulment sponsor and help prepare cases regularly for my diocese).

I will pray for all the families involved,
Deacon Christopher
 
BTypical said:
we have realized that it is better for our marriage to abstain from receiving the Eucharist instead of attempting to live as brother and sister.
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Stop having relations immediately. You do not want to bring this sin upon either of your souls and into the possibility of your marriage. Living the Catholic faith in chastity is very hard in our country and at this time but it is not impossible with God’s grace. Put God first.
 
Welcome to the forums OP 🙂
From what I gather ,the priests are concerned and rightly so at the risk of mortal sin for you both.I don’t think they actually used the words full of lust ? Possibly might have used the word adulteress (?) Possibly not.
There’s a big chance you will look back in life and really understand their great concern for you both.
I really , really hope that you can live as brother and sister and keep close to Jesus through receiving Him in holy communion …I get that he has troubles from the past,perhaps real counselling for that can help at this time .
The groups you could attend that have been suggested sound very helpful.
I’m waiting on the outcome of my petition and will pray for you,God bless.
 
Based on suggestions here, I did check and unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be anything at the diocesan level. I will reach out to them to confirm that.

I’m not looking for absolution or dispensation from the priest. What I am looking for is somewhere I can go when I am despairing of my ability to support my husband as he works his way through the annulment process; somewhere to give me the strength to support him.
 
Yes, actually the priest did use the words “adulteress” and “lust” when talking to me.

Is not the priest supposed to accompany the divorced and remarried pastorally as they work to regularize their situation? Or is the priest simply there to condemn and tell my husband that the woman who threatened his physical safety is his proper wife and I am just his mistress and that we are damned to Hell? Whatever happened to compassion and to encouraging the divorced/remarried to be reconciled back to the Church as quickly as they can?
 
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BTypical said:
Is not the priest supposed to accompany the divorced and remarried pastorally as they work to regularize their situation?
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I don’t mean to downplay your situation, I know it’s difficult.
But first of all, the priest cannot “support” you in committing a grave sin.
Second, as much as we would all like a priest to be pastorally “there” for us while going through hard times, priests nowadays are overworked and have a huge number of demands on their time. They aren’t always as present for us as we would like them to be.

It would be good if you could either find a lay counselor who perhaps specializes in annulment situations, or perhaps a married couple who have been through a similar experience.

We also have to accept that sometimes there is just limited support available. We don’t always get someone to support us. We have to rely on Jesus sometimes.
 
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