Support your spouse even when they are wrong?

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Hi everyone.

I have seen this philosophy come up in various responses to threads about marriage.

I am married, but I am not sure I understand what it means. I would appreciate anyone who uses this philosophy in their own marriage to give me an example of how you apply it.

I can’t imagine it would be used to support a spouse’s sin, so it must be for other things.

Please help me to understand.

Malia

 

[carol_marie]

Malia,

The only thing I can come up with is what if I really really wanted to homeschool our children but my husband, who knows my personality, thinks it’s an awful idea. But I beg & plead so he gives in - he buys all the books - turns our family room into a “school room” and then sure enough he was right… I’m terrible at it and end up putting the kids back in school within six months. And all the money we spent goes right down the drain. Meanwhile, he says, “Well you gave it your best shot - you’re just not cut out for it but that’s ok.” The words “I told you so!” never cross his lips.

That was my life last year.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Thanks for sharing that Carol Marie.

So, even though your hubby knew that you weren’t cut out for homeschooling, did he defend it in front of others? What I mean is let’s say your parent/sister/friend said that you shouldn’t do it…did he then say that you should and that you’d be great even though he felt otherwise?

Malia

 

[Katie1723]

One of the things that comes to mind is discipline. Often times parents have opposite ways of handling things. I wouldn’t debate right or wrong in front of the kids, just maybe later when you are alone. State you position and let him know why you feel that way.
Oh and another thing, DIRECTIONS. When they are wrong, don’t say a word. Just say “yes dear” “that’s right honey” and laugh at them later…
~ Kathy ~

 

[carol_marie]

Feanaro's Wife:

Thanks for sharing that Carol Marie.

So, even though your hubby knew that you weren’t cut out for homeschooling, did he defend it in front of others? What I mean is let’s say your parent/sister/friend said that you shouldn’t do it…did he then say that you should and that you’d be great even though he felt otherwise?

Malia

My husband would never slam me in front of anyone else. Not unless he wanted to spend the night on the couch!

What he said to others who were skeptical (and anyone who knows me would have every reason to be skeptical - I am soooooo not a bookish - stay at home - be disciplined - follow a schedule - not blow it all off to play at the beach sort of gal. Months will go by without me balancing my checkbook - let alone teaching my 6 grader algebra. So anyhow, when confronted by others who were skeptical, my husband would act like this was something we BOTH wanted to do… he’d take some of the resonsibility on himself (even though he secretly thought it was a terrible idea.) So when I bombed big time he told everyone that “we” decided it just wasn’t for us…

 

[La_Chiara]

Carol Marie has a great husband! (Though I think she knows it! And she must be a great gal herself to be so honest about her homeschooling experience!):clapping:

 

[Timidity]

You should always support your spouse.

Of course sometimes support means doing things they don’t like because it’s better for them in the long run.

 

[sparkle]

Feanaro's Wife:

Hi everyone.

I have seen this philosophy come up in various responses to threads about marriage.

I am married, but I am not sure I understand what it means. I would appreciate anyone who uses this philosophy in their own marriage to give me an example of how you apply it.

I can’t imagine it would be used to support a spouse’s sin, so it must be for other things.

Please help me to understand.

Malia

Hi Malia: I would re-phrase instead of saying “support your spouse when they are wrong”, I would say “do God’s Will even when they are wrong”. I believe it is God’s Will to stay married, whether our spouses are right or wrong, whether the path is easy or very hard.
Does this help?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

sparkle:

Hi Malia: I would re-phrase instead of saying “support your spouse when they are wrong”, I would say “do God’s Will even when they are wrong”. I believe it is God’s Will to stay married, whether our spouses are right or wrong, whether the path is easy or very hard.
Does this help?

Unfortunately this is a little too ambiguous for me. I understand the general concept, just not how to apply it practically to my everyday life.

Carol Marie, your reply was exactly what I was looking for. Specifically your husband’s reaction to others’ skepticism. He sounds like one great guy! And don’t worry about not being able to homeschool…not all of us are cut out for that!

Malia

 

[Lillith]

My husband is being supportive of me, when he goes to church with us on Sunday and agrees to raise our children Catholic, while he himself was raised Baptist.

I am being supportive of my husband by allowing him to convert at his own (painfully slow) pace…I am supporting him by daily prayer…

It might be working a little…he says he is Batholic

 

[carol_marie]

Lillith:

My husband is being supportive of me, when he goes to church with us on Sunday and agrees to raise our children Catholic, while he himself was raised Baptist.

I am being supportive of my husband by allowing him to convert at his own (painfully slow) pace…I am supporting him by daily prayer…

It might be working a little…he says he is Batholic

I am sorry to laugh… but that really IS the funniest thing… Batholic !!!

I think it is great that your husband goes to Church with you & the children on Sunday… it really sounds as if he’s moving in the right direction at least? Good for you by allowing him to go at his pace. I too will say a prayer for him today.

Blessings to you!!
CM