Suppressing sexual desire in marriage

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EasternCelt

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Hi All:

I’ve gotten some good advice in the past and I’m back for some more. My wife and I are living a sexless marriage because she does not want anymore children at the moment. We both enjoy each other, are friends, like to be intimate, etc. and, most importantly, we respect each other. However, though we want to have sex, it just isn’t happening because we don’t want to use contraception and she doesn’t trust NFP (please no replies about the effectiveness of NFP). It is difficult for me, but she’s the one that has to carry and birth the child, so I don’t feel that I can push too hard on this and, like I said, it’s not an issue of desire on either part. Thus my question is: does anyone know of ways to suppress sexual desire in a 30 year old man?

Also, please pray for me because, a lot of times, I become angry with God because of his rules. I don’t want to do that, but my mind goes there quite a bit.
 
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I don’t think there is real way to suppress sexual desire, apart unhealthy medication that are used to treated criminals.

I also think it is healthy for a 30 years old man to feel sexual desire for his wife because it is how generations come.

To try to anwer, I think, the more continence is used and last, the more you will get used to it, and it may will less harder. Not that you would loose libido, but it might be easier to support your new relationship with your wife.

Just two last advise: be carreful that this lack of intimacy would not bring you apart with your wife. You describe a good relationship, so entertain it. And be opened to opportunities to resume relations when the need of absolutely avoid children would be end. Maybe with NFP help.

It is normal to feel angry against God if we think we lack something and want what we don’t want, or compare with what others have. But this situation is not the God’s fault, only human circunstances and choices. Try if possible to focus on the blessings you have.

God bless you, I will said a prayer for you.
 
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praying for you, please join me in this prayer in the perpetual rosary thread
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Let's Pray a Perpetual Rosary Spirituality
for @EasternCelt for his special needs HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 5th Hail Mary ~ Luminous (2)
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God Bless you and your family
 
EasternCelt said:
… However, though we want to have sex, it just isn’t happening because we don’t want to use contraception and she doesn’t trust NFP (please no replies about the effectiveness of NFP). It is difficult for me, but she’s the one that has to carry and birth the child, so I don’t feel that I can push too hard on this and, like I said, it’s not an issue of desire on either part. Thus my question is: does anyone know of ways to suppress sexual desire in a 30 year old man?
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If you think your wife needs you not to impregnate her at all cost, I guess you better just recite prayer during times of hormones.

Memorize Scripture and say it out loud, during chores.
 
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I’m older, but not uninterested in sex. My wife had ovarian and uterine cancer fifteen years ago. As a result of the treatment, her desire is gone and sex is painful for her. I just remind myself that I’d never want to do anything to hurt her. We have a great, loving marriage. We’re happy. Yes, there are times I miss sex, but I love her, will never cheat, I avoid sin, and we still are affectionate. I guess it’s just something I have to give up for love. I’m okay with it.
 
I personally have found that the more I went without sex, and that includes all forms of sex (Church-approved and non-Church approved) and all thought about sex (replace it with thought about something else, whether it’s about Jesus, prayer, hobby, work, dinner, a good book without sexual themes etc), the less essential sex seemed to be and the less interested I was in it. In a way it was like a reversion back to my pre-puberty childhood when I had lots and lots of non-sexual interests and rarely ever thought about sexual topics. It was actually a relief, because the degree to which sex can dominate your life and thinking if you let it always annoyed me.

If it’s just not part of your life, or not a big part of your life compared to other stuff that you’re more interested in, then it’s pretty easy to set aside.

Society (and I won’t even say “society nowadays” because I think it’s been this way at many times in history including in ancient Rome) tends to see sex as a daily habit, like something that “normal” people “need” or can’t live without or can’t have a fulfilling day/ week/ life without. This works like Galbraith’s theory of created demand. It makes people think they absolutely need sex. In reality, sex is like a chocolate dessert that you like. It’s nice to have and if you get used to having dessert every night then you’re going to miss it if it’s taken away, but you don’t need it to live and there are dozens of other things to eat.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I personally have found that the more I went without sex, and that includes all forms of sex (Church-approved and non-Church approved) and all thought about sex (replace it with thought about something else, whether it’s about Jesus, prayer, hobby, work, dinner, a good book without sexual themes etc), the less essential sex seemed to be and the less interested I was in it. In a way it was like a reversion back to my pre-puberty childhood when I had lots and lots of non-sexual interests and rarely ever thought about sexual topics. It was actually a relief, because the degree to which sex can dominate your life and thinking if you let it always annoyed me.
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No offence but men and women are different. The longer I go without it the worse it becomes. I can run, cycle, read, pray, fast even to the point of exhaustion but the feeling never goes away.
Tis_Bearself said:
It’s nice to have and if you get used to having dessert every night then you’re going to miss it if it’s taken away, but you don’t need it to live and there are dozens of other things to eat.
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No offence but sex for a man with his wife is 1000 better than any dessert and I love chocolate. I haven’t had it for nearly three months and even when I pray the rosary or sit in adoration the feeling never goes away.

Sex is a natural part of a marriage and to do without especially if your spouse is withholding it (my wife does it as a punishment), then it is unbearable.
 
BigRon said:
No offence but men and women are different. The longer I go without it the worse it becomes. I can run, cycle, read, pray, fast even to the point of exhaustion but the feeling never goes away.
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It’s not a case of “men and women are different”. It’s a case of “people are different”.

There are women out there with high sex drives who would say this doesn’t work for them. And there are men out there who would find it works for them pretty well. It’s the same way as how fasting doesn’t work the same for everybody, exercise doesn’t work the same for everybody, diet doesn’t work the same for everybody.

Don’t make it a man-woman thing, because I have known enough men to know that there are men who struggle with this a lot and men who don’t struggle with it much at all, and it’s not because the non-struggling men are gay or defective, it’s just what works for them. I would also note that men who don’t struggle so much don’t tend to share that with other men, because they often get some negative judgment from other men if they do. They tell it to their women friends.

The OP asked for suggestions, I gave him a suggestion. If it doesn’t work for him he’s free to reject it.
I personally think it might be easier if he just did NFP, but he made it clear he didn’t want to talk about that.
BigRon said:
Sex is a natural part of a marriage and to do without especially if your spouse is withholding it (my wife does it as a punishment), then it is unbearable.
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For YOU it may be difficult to bear. And some of that may be due to your wife withholding it because she is expressing upset or disappointment with you. It’s not pleasant to live with a spouse who is upset with you.
Everybody else doesn’t necessarily feel the same way you do, including other men on earth.
 
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I admire you and your relationship, however there is a major difference between a situation of one spouse unable to have sex and a spouse withholding out of hard heart, or through pressuring to contracept.

A spouse away at service can still offer affectionate hope and encouragement. Or a spouse disabled can still express uplifting love.
 
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Not without a sinful conscience. Which the devil is happy to use.

Masturbation is infidelity
 
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Flagged revfred2000’s post as contrary to the teaching of the Catholic Church.

revfred2000, you appear by your profile to not be Catholic.
Please observe the forum rules regarding respect for Catholic teaching, and do not go offering advice to Catholics based on the teachings of your faith, especially without identifying yourself as a non-Catholic.
 
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Oh Sorry . . . that is not the current interpretation from the Vatican and His Holiness.
 
Can you please clarify what U.C.C. means in your profile? I presumed it meant United Church of Christ. I also already flagged one post by you where you told a Catholic poster that it was okay to commit a sexual act that is forbidden by the Church.

You also may want to review the terms of service regarding speaking to other posters on here, as you’re new.
 
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