Taking the kids to church

[HolyCow21]

Hello, been a while since I’ve posted here.

One thing that keeps me from attending mass regularly is my children. I have 4 1/2 year old triplets and a 2 1/2 year old. They get restless and a bit cranky having to be confined to the area of the pew where we are sitting for an hour. I know mine aren’t the only children to ever have a problem keeping quiet and concentrate on mass. They are all under 5 and there isn’t much to really hold their interest if you really think about it. I’m just wondering what some acceptable ways are to help ensure the kids behave so we can get something out of the service. The entire hour, we are shushing at least one, or pulling them back to us or doing anything to try to keep them where they should be… almost doesn’t feel worth going, which is why we usually don’t. Mass shouldn’t seem so stressful, should it?

 

[CatholicSam]

Even if you don’t feel like there’s any point to going to Mass being so stressed out, there is! Jesus! When you are the parent of a young child (or 4–congratulations!!), you often don’t get the “warm fuzzies” of going to Mass that you used to get. But receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus in a state of grace is absolutely priceless. One day when you get to Heaven you will see just how much each and every Holy Communion meant to God, and how much it helped you in your journey here on earth.

Would it be possible for you and your spouse to alternate going to Masses and looking after the children at home–you go to the Saturday vigil and your spouse go to one of the Sunday morning Masses, for instance? Maybe even just once in a while it would be helpful to you both to be able to go to an uninterrupted Mass. My husband and I do this with some weekday Masses. What a spiritually refreshing experience to be able to fully concentrate on the Mass without having to wrestle with the little ones (we also have a nearly 4.5 yo and 2.5 yo).

What has also helped us is to take the 4.5 yo by himself to one of the weekday Masses. When he is with his 2.5 yo sister, the two of them often fool around and encourage bad behavior in the other one, you know? Maybe this Sunday you can go to Mass with just one of your triplets, and your spouse can go with one of the other triplets? Sit up front and explain to them what is going on. Next week you can bring the third triplet. Taking my boy to Friday morning Mass by himself has made a huge difference in how he behaves. It’s even starting to rub off on his little sister! Just having that 1-on-1 attention at Mass without the distraction of misbehaving siblings really makes a difference.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Hello, been a while since I’ve posted here.

One thing that keeps me from attending mass regularly is my children. I have 4 1/2 year old triplets and a 2 1/2 year old. They get restless and a bit cranky having to be confined to the area of the pew where we are sitting for an hour. I know mine aren’t the only children to ever have a problem keeping quiet and concentrate on mass. They are all under 5 and there isn’t much to really hold their interest if you really think about it. I’m just wondering what some acceptable ways are to help ensure the kids behave so we can get something out of the service. The entire hour, we are shushing at least one, or pulling them back to us or doing anything to try to keep them where they should be… almost doesn’t feel worth going, which is why we usually don’t. Mass shouldn’t seem so stressful, should it?

With four children under five, no wonder you find attending Mass difficult. It gets easier the more children are exposed to going to Mass. Here are some ideas that I think help young children behave better at Mass. You can also search old threads as the topic comes up regularly.

Dress them up. It helps make church special and reminds them they are going someplace where good behavior is expected. I believe clothes establish an expectation for behavior–play clothes say “play”, nice clothes say “act nice.” I don’t neccesarily mean expensive clothes, but a nice outfit–maybe designate a special shirt or favorite dress as their “Sunday best”. Avoid itchy fabrics and anything that make them squirm.

Sit up front. They can see better when they sit closer to the altar.

If possible, attend a pretty parish with attractive artwork. The stained glass windows, statues and other works of art give children something to look at when they’re bored in church. It’s almost like sitting inside an illustrated Bible.

If neccessary, take them out of church. Many churches have cry rooms. Use it if you need it, but I personally don’t recommending making the cry room your usual spot.

If your parish has a nursery or children’s program during Mass, that might help you get back in the habit of regularly attending church. If children are never in church during Mass, they probably won’t learn how to behave at Mass, but for young children, (especially with 4 under 5), it might be something to consider.

 

[kristie_m]

God Bless YOU!!! That, first and foremost. I have three kids, six and under, and while each of them seems to do reasonably well as an individual, or even with just one of their siblings, but trying to have them all at Mass together is often a nightmare. It’s usually the 4 year old that has to be removed, though even the times when we’re able to stay in our pew I can’t concentrate because of they are having so much trouble keeping still and quiet. We’ve tried the sitting closer to the front thing…it’s a good theory, but unfortunately the way our church is set up, that only makes them more of a distraction to others. So I’m TOTALLY feeling your pain!!!

The only thing I can say is this…even though you’re frustrated, you are doing yourself and your kids a world of good by continuing to go to Mass as a family. I think “tag-teaming” with hubby is a good idea once in a while, because you DO need to be fed, but kids only learn to behave in church by being in church. The other poster had a good idea, too…if you can, get to daily Mass on your own once or twice a week. That’s what we’ve been doing and it makes Sundays much more bearable.

Good luck to you!

 

[ac_claire]

Would it be possible for you and your spouse to alternate going to Masses and looking after the children at home–you go to the Saturday vigil and your spouse go to one of the Sunday morning Masses, for instance? Maybe even just once in a while it would be helpful to you both to be able to go to an uninterrupted Mass. My husband and I do this with some weekday Masses. What a spiritually refreshing experience to be able to fully concentrate on the Mass without having to wrestle with the little ones (we also have a nearly 4.5 yo and 2.5 yo).

Yeah this is good advice. And maybe, as already mentioned, you could “tag team”…you can take 2 of the little ones on the vigil Mass for instance and your husband can take the other 2 on Sunday morning.

Or, for a “Plan B” until the kids get a little older: maybe every other week you could leave the kids with grandma (or another relative who would enjoy the time w/ the kids) for an hour while you and your husband go together. That way the kids would still have the experience of going to Mass every other week, and the parents will have a chance for a peaceful Mass on their own every now and then at the same time.

 

[tampagrl]

Hello, been a while since I’ve posted here.

One thing that keeps me from attending mass regularly is my children. I have 4 1/2 year old triplets and a 2 1/2 year old. They get restless and a bit cranky having to be confined to the area of the pew where we are sitting for an hour. I know mine aren’t the only children to ever have a problem keeping quiet and concentrate on mass. They are all under 5 and there isn’t much to really hold their interest if you really think about it. I’m just wondering what some acceptable ways are to help ensure the kids behave so we can get something out of the service. The entire hour, we are shushing at least one, or pulling them back to us or doing anything to try to keep them where they should be… almost doesn’t feel worth going, which is why we usually don’t. Mass shouldn’t seem so stressful, should it?

SO with you! LOL!!

Like the poster below me, I also have three kids 6 & under. I totally agree w/the advice already given. I could add that we take a “church bag” with us. I get them involved in what we’re going to put in the bag and by the time they’re done, the bag weighs like 20lbs…but it’s how I get them mentally prepared for Mass. I should say that we never put any food or drink items in, though. That drives me crazy when I see that at Mass (obviously excluding infants).

I also try to dress them up, which I saw mentioned already. It does change their frame of mind, and can sometimes help. We usually reward them w/something afterward also.
With my older son, if he dresses in slacks and he behaves (relatively well) in Mass, then I sometimes take him over and let him slide around on the floors in the Parish center. I know, sounds dumb, but he’s 5 and whatever works, ya know…

Take them to the Masses that are the kid-friendly ones…in my church it’s the 10:45 Mass. That way you don’t feel guilty about them behaving like little kids. You can’t expect much from them at those ages, especially considering that 3 of them are the same age! (oh, God bless you, God bless you good!) I also agree that you should still do whatever you can to continue going. Think of the witness you and your husband will give to the other parishoners, too. I bet there are many who look at you and think, if she can do it, then I don’t have ANY excuse! LOL (and they’d be right) But the more you go, the more they’ll get used to it, I promise.

Keep a sense of humor about their behavior, too. When my daughter was 2, she yelled “yea!” and started clapping right after the Priest finished his homily. My son used to roll around under the pews and I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten the kneeler slammed on my feet…but it’s all for Jesus!!

I always tell myself that if I can get them to appointments, I can get them “in” to see Jesus. I tell my daughter (the oldest) that Jesus asks us to come to see Him just once a week on Sunday. And can’t we do that, considering all the blessings He’s given us? She seems to get it when I put it like that. Your triplets might still be too young to grasp that (for sure your 2 yr old), but just keep talking about how we need to do what Jesus asks us to do.

Finally, I would expose them to as much as you can about Church and the Mass (outside of Mass) in kid-friendly ways - maybe take them on a tour of the Church one afternoon, pointing out all the different stuff and asking them questions about it.

EWTN has some great stuff in this area. I’ve been thinking of ordering this myself, but Fr. Antoine Thomas has a DVD called, When Children Adore and he talks w/kids about the Mass. Keep running the race, sounds like you’re doing an awesome job so far!

 

[HolyCow21]

Thanks for all of the encouraging words and great advice.

Note to most of you though, about the husband of mine you keep referring to… I am the husband! LOL

 

[taye]

My advice would be to go to mass alone, or with one child at a time. Perhaps you could go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and your wife could go on Sunday. When you start noticing that things are going better, you can try bringing in another child the next week and see how that goes. Also, if someone can watch your kids at home so you can go to Mass alone with your wife, by all means, go ahead!! Alternately, there may be someone you know well at Mass who would love to help you out with the kids.

At that age, I see nothing wrong with bringing books/quiet toys to keep them occupied. My 2 year old loves to color and that will keep him out of my hair for a surprising 5 minutes or so… LOL!

If you truly feel that you did not get anything out of Mass, take note of the scripture readings and read them later. The main point of catholicism is to live the gospels, even if you can’t hear them!

That being said, you are not alone! I’ve three of my own, and sometimes going to church with them is absolute torture. We have to strive to rise above our frustrations to truly appreciate God’s gift of love to us in the Holy Eucharist. Suffer, little children…

This too shall pass!

 

[kristie_m]

My apologies to the OP…Gender identity is tough enough these days without the internet!

I did have one other thought, and that is this: One thing I’ve noticed with my kids is that the timing of which Mass we go to is crucial. Last week we went to the 11am and it was torture. This morning it was the 9am, and the difference in their behavior was like night and day. I think had my four year old not sustained a minor injury during the homily, I would have managed to stay inside for the entire Mass. I know their behavior patterns well enough to know that a vigil Mass is a bad idea, but even an hour or two on Sunday can make a difference.

 

[tampagrl]

…Note to most of you though, about the husband of mine you keep referring to… I am the husband! LOL

LOL! sorry, I just did this to someone else in another thread!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

My apologies to the OP…Gender identity is tough enough these days without the internet!

I did have one other thought, and that is this: One thing I’ve noticed with my kids is that the timing of which Mass we go to is crucial. Last week we went to the 11am and it was torture. This morning it was the 9am, and the difference in their behavior was like night and day. I think had my four year old not sustained a minor injury during the homily, I would have managed to stay inside for the entire Mass. I know their behavior patterns well enough to know that a vigil Mass is a bad idea, but even an hour or two on Sunday can make a difference.

I second this thought. This morning I went alone with my 4 yr old, 2.75 yr old, and 15 mo old while dh was at work, and it was a lot better than other days when I have gone with dh, and even when I have gone with grandparents too. We were lucky to have the “cry room” to ourselves too, though. I like cry rooms if we are the only ones there, when other kids are there its harder to keep my kids behaving. I know if I would have gone to 11 or 11:30 it would have been too close to my 15 mo old’s nap time, and the cry room would have probably been packed.

 

[Jan_Bolbot]

In addition to the good advice given so far, try to have mom and dad sit in between the kids (especially those prone to getting in trouble with siblings). For very young children, a small toy (stuffed animal) and a little bag with some Cheerios and raisins for a treat is okay. They need to learn that Mass isn’t an option, something we do in our family on Sunday, and yes you must sit through it. The sooner they get used to it the better.

My youngest is six and if there is some special Mass (e.g., our new bishop just visited the parish), I try to position her so she can see easily, even lift her up in my arms. Before or after Mass, take them around the Church to look at things and answer question: “here is a statue of our Blessed Mother…” This paid off recently. She had few carnations from a bouquet that someone else had given her and she was very insistent on giving them away. One went to mama, one to her teacher, and the other: “I want to give it to Mary.” So she takes it to Mass and before the Mass she walks up very reverently and puts the flower into the vase with the other flowers before the statue of the Blessed Mother. (Of course after Mass she’s pointing out the flower to her friends–“that’s my flower!”–and dragging them to the front of the church to show them.)

Sitting still is the first battle, paying attention is the second. Fortunately our son (11) who is naturally very energetic is an altar boy so during Mass he always has something to do. So it is a challenge, but on the Sundays when they behave well it is sort of magic to see them pray and sing.

John

 

[DShane41]

My wife gave up taking my two year-old son to mass several months ago. My son is at the stage where he just likes to scream or make irritating, high-pitched noises. Trying to get him to sit still for more that a couple of minutes is next to impossible. Even with sitting in the baby/toddler room my wife felt that he was creating too much of a commotion that she couldn’t get anything out of the mass. I came home from work that Sunday afternoon and she told me that she was so frustrated that she would never take him back to church again. At first I thought that she was being a bit extreme, but now I tend to agree with her. My son doesn’t understand what’s going on at mass, so what’s the point of even taking him there in the first place? He’s only going to get bored and start causing trouble. Maybe we’ll try to take him back to mass in a few years when he’s older and hopefully isn’t such a troublemaker. At this stage of his life it seems pointless.

 

[tumescentguide]

Hello…
I think its nice way to teach children because by this they afraid of God power. If they are going to do something wrong, they remember God at least one time so they might not do that…

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Even if you don’t feel like there’s any point to going to Mass being so stressed out, there is! Jesus! When you are the parent of a young child (or 4–congratulations!!), you often don’t get the “warm fuzzies” of going to Mass that you used to get. But receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus in a state of grace is absolutely priceless. One day when you get to Heaven you will see just how much each and every Holy Communion meant to God, and how much it helped you in your journey here on earth.

I meant to say I totally agree with this!!
The Catholic Mass is so much more than any protestant service or other religious service. If we were talking about any other religious service, I’d say yeah, not worth it, if you can’t hear what’s the point? In the Mass everyone receives graces, in the Eucharist we receive Jesus, it is definitely worth it!

 

[wanner47]

I meant to say I totally agree with this!!
The Catholic Mass is so much more than any protestant service or other religious service. If we were talking about any other religious service, I’d say yeah, not worth it, if you can’t hear what’s the point? In the Mass everyone receives graces, in the Eucharist we receive Jesus, it is definitely worth it!

Another agreement.

I have two kids under five and we did the “constantly pulling at one and shushing the other” thing yesterday. After we got out to the car, I said to DH, “Well, we survived another Mass!” and he said, “No, we *experienced *another Mass.”

God bless you and your beautiful family, and good luck finding a solution!