Talking to a priest?

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Butaperson

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Ok, so I would like to talk with a priest, mostly about my stance in the Catholic Church as it is.
I grew up and received my early sacraments in SSPX and I would just like to chat about what to do about that, so I that I can receive communion in the legitimate Catholic church this Easter.

I don’t know how to go about doing that???
Like…when is an appropriate time to ask a priest to talk…?
Like after mass…? Just walk up to a priest and be like, “Hello, father, I have a question about my stance in the Catholic church and I was wondering if we could talk?”

I go to church alone and there are about a thousand different levels on which I do NOT want to talk to my parents about religion (my parents are both atheist, my dad is former SSPV, all my extended family is SSPV, there is no way I can talk to them about this). I wish that I knew some people at church whom I could talk to about things like this, because I kinda imagine it varies from parish to parish, but I just don’t even know.

Also it might be worth mentioning that I have issues talking to people in which I tend to burst out crying for absolutely no reason at all. Like one time I went to the guidance counselor about classes and I hadn’t even started speaking before I bwas sobbing. For no reason. And I just KNOW that’s going to happen again.
So basically what do I do??

Also I have considered talking to a priest about it during confession, but…conversations in the confessional???
wat
People have told me to mention it in confession but

???
IDK IF IT’S JUST A RAD-TRAD-CATH THING BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF JUST CHATTING WITH THE PRIEST IN CONFESSION

Also the line is usually hecka long and I might feel bad and/or not actually get a chance to talk about it
 
Have you considered phoning the parish office and seeking to make an appointment with the priest?

Lord bless you on your journey.
 
Butaperson said:
Ok, so I would like to talk with a priest, mostly about my stance in the Catholic Church as it is.
I grew up and received my early sacraments in SSPX and I would just like to chat about what to do about that, so I that I can receive communion in the legitimate Catholic church this Easter.

I don’t know how to go about doing that???
Like…when is an appropriate time to ask a priest to talk…?
Like after mass…? Just walk up to a priest and be like, “Hello, father, I have a question about my stance in the Catholic church and I was wondering if we could talk?”

I go to church alone and there are about a thousand different levels on which I do NOT want to talk to my parents about religion (my parents are both atheist, my dad is former SSPV, all my extended family is SSPV, there is no way I can talk to them about this). I wish that I knew some people at church whom I could talk to about things like this, because I kinda imagine it varies from parish to parish, but I just don’t even know.

Also it might be worth mentioning that I have issues talking to people in which I tend to burst out crying for absolutely no reason at all. Like one time I went to the guidance counselor about classes and I hadn’t even started speaking before I bwas sobbing. For no reason. And I just KNOW that’s going to happen again.
So basically what do I do??

Also I have considered talking to a priest about it during confession, but…conversations in the confessional???
wat
People have told me to mention it in confession but

???
IDK IF IT’S JUST A RAD-TRAD-CATH THING BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF JUST CHATTING WITH THE PRIEST IN CONFESSION

Also the line is usually hecka long and I might feel bad and/or not actually get a chance to talk about it
Click to expand...
Just phone or email him.

Or after mass wait till the bulk of people leave and introduce yourself, tell him you’d like to set an appointment to talk about some struggles and ask what to do.
 
Yeah, AussieTrish has the right idea.

Part of Priest’s duty to his Congregation is to meet with his Parishioners.
You can bet that he has several hours each week set-aside to talk to people like you.

When you call to make the appointment, they will probably ask you how long of an appointment you want.
A half-Hour is common for an appointment.
If you think you need longer than that, then maybe discuss some of your issues, then make another appointment later.

Anyway, before your appointment, it is a Good Idea to write down what you want to say.
This is because there is reasonable chance that you will forget an important part of one of your issues.
(You don’t have to read your List, but having it there is calming emotionally … Don’t cry over un-Spilled details.)

At the appointment, many Priests will begin with a Prayer.
This is time for you to Let Go of the outside World, so you can focus on your Meeting.

Then, it is best to begin with the End … one sentence about what you will ask him about when you are done discussing (the so-called Thesis Statement).
Then, fill in whatever details seem pertinent.
At this point, you can take a deep breath and relax. Your Priest will help you with your problem.
Peace Be With You.
 
Your anxiety is palpable, and I’m sorry this weighs so heavily upon you. Praying for you :signofcross:

That said, two things:


  1. *]The advice given by others, to call for an appointment, is probably the most straightforward course of action and the one likely to yield the outcome you seek. It can be difficult getting through to the priest, but do persevere. You will not regret it!
    *]Your priest is a man. He grew up in a family, most likely with brothers and/or sisters, so he does know what it is like not to be a priest. Priests are not scary people who are somehow fundamentally different from the laity. By virtue of their ordination they are not exactly like us, but they are not totally distinct from us either. So do not be afraid to approach him. He is there to help you if he can.
    Butaperson said:
    …when is an appropriate time to ask a priest to talk…?
    Like after mass…? Just walk up to a priest and be like, “Hello, father, I have a question about my stance in the Catholic church and I was wondering if we could talk?”
    Click to expand...
    Just about anytime is an appropriate time to ask a priest to talk. If he doesn’t have time then and there (and most priests won’t), he will suggest you make an appointment. You don’t need to be anywhere near as specific about the purpose of your conversation as your example illustrates. The first time I asked my priest for an appointment, I didn’t even tell him why. He didn’t ask. He accorded me the standard-length appointment time in the parish (45 minutes). We went from there. But, as with all things, YMMV.
    Butaperson said:
    I wish that I knew some people at church whom I could talk to about things like this, because I kinda imagine it varies from parish to parish, but I just don’t even know.
    Click to expand...
    I agree it can be helpful to be able to discuss complex issues such as yours with friends, but if you talk to 20 people you’re going to get 20 different answers. If you want a more authoritative response, you need to speak with a priest.
    Butaperson said:
    I have issues talking to people in which I tend to burst out crying for absolutely no reason at all. …] And I just KNOW that’s going to happen again.
    So basically what do I do??
    Click to expand...
    Unless your priest was just ordained last week (and even then, really), he has already seen this happen. It will not bother him nor will he be critical of you in any way. Many people only consider speaking to a priest when they are in pain, difficulty, consumed by anger, consumed by guilt, etc.—in other words, when they have a problem. So priests are used to seeing people in all kinds of turbulent states. Worry not!
    Butaperson said:
    Also I have considered talking to a priest about it during confession, but…conversations in the confessional???
    wat
    People have told me to mention it in confession but

    ???
    IDK IF IT’S JUST A RAD-TRAD-CATH THING BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF JUST CHATTING WITH THE PRIEST IN CONFESSION
    Click to expand...
    I hear where you’re coming from, and God bless you for respecting others who have also come to confess. There is a difference, however, between mentioning something in confession and having an entire roundtable discussion about it. If there is no way to make it brief, you could at least plant the seed with Father that you would like to have an appointment with him at another time to discuss the matter at length.
 
Don’t worry about crying–priests are used to that. Take some tissues along with you.

I will pray for you.
 
When you call you may get someone else, and they may ask you what it is about. Just say it is about a personal matter.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.
 
Butaperson said:
Ok, so I would like to talk with a priest, mostly about my stance in the Catholic Church as it is.
I grew up and received my early sacraments in SSPX and I would just like to chat about what to do about that, so I that I can receive communion in the legitimate Catholic church this Easter.

I don’t know how to go about doing that???
Like…when is an appropriate time to ask a priest to talk…?
Like after mass…? Just walk up to a priest and be like, “Hello, father, I have a question about my stance in the Catholic church and I was wondering if we could talk?”

I go to church alone and there are about a thousand different levels on which I do NOT want to talk to my parents about religion (my parents are both atheist, my dad is former SSPV, all my extended family is SSPV, there is no way I can talk to them about this). I wish that I knew some people at church whom I could talk to about things like this, because I kinda imagine it varies from parish to parish, but I just don’t even know.

Also it might be worth mentioning that I have issues talking to people in which I tend to burst out crying for absolutely no reason at all. Like one time I went to the guidance counselor about classes and I hadn’t even started speaking before I bwas sobbing. For no reason. And I just KNOW that’s going to happen again.
So basically what do I do??

Also I have considered talking to a priest about it during confession, but…conversations in the confessional???
wat
People have told me to mention it in confession but

???
IDK IF IT’S JUST A RAD-TRAD-CATH THING BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF JUST CHATTING WITH THE PRIEST IN CONFESSION

Also the line is usually hecka long and I might feel bad and/or not actually get a chance to talk about it
Click to expand...
Why not just set up a personal meeting with a Priest?
 
fred_conty said:
When you call you may get someone else, and they may ask you what it is about. Just say it is about a personal matter.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.
Click to expand...
BEST ADVICE EVER, don’t let the phone answerer divert you.
 
I have been there and done that and totally empathize! Everything you’ve been advised is exactly the things I learned. That, and it’s a little crazy during holy seasons- be patient. Oh, and There will be tissues there.

One trick I learned: carry a bottle of water with you. You physically cannot cry when you are drinking.

I think I carried water for about two years. Sometimes still do. Hang in there.
 
Jon_S said:
Just phone or email him.

Or after mass wait till the bulk of people leave and introduce yourself, tell him you’d like to set an appointment to talk about some struggles and ask what to do.
Click to expand...
When you say phone or e-mail, do you mean phone or e-mail to make an appointment or to ask the question?

I think that perhaps e-mail would be the best solution for asking the question, if possible. I think it’s a straight-forward enough question for e-mail, and I just really don’t think I can manage a face to face appointment.
I’ve considered going in to the guidance counselor at school as almost a practice run for talking, but…talking to the guidance counselor pretty much warrants the same response of fear.

I want to work on conquering this fear, but Holy Week is fast approaching and I worry that if I expect myself to make a face-to-face appointment, I will end up not doing so in time to receive communion in good conscious.

So if you think it wouldn’t be totally inappropriate to e-mail with a question…I think I will ask electronically, and if necessary I could see about setting up an appointment from there.
 
Butaperson said:
When you say phone or e-mail, do you mean phone or e-mail to make an appointment or to ask the question?

I think that perhaps e-mail would be the best solution for asking the question, if possible. I think it’s a straight-forward enough question for e-mail, and I just really don’t think I can manage a face to face appointment.
I’ve considered going in to the guidance counselor at school as almost a practice run for talking, but…talking to the guidance counselor pretty much warrants the same response of fear.

I want to work on conquering this fear, but Holy Week is fast approaching and I worry that if I expect myself to make a face-to-face appointment, I will end up not doing so in time to receive communion in good conscious.

So if you think it wouldn’t be totally inappropriate to e-mail with a question…I think I will ask electronically, and if necessary I could see about setting up an appointment from there.
Click to expand...
I meant email for an appointment but ask your question in that same email.

I emailed my priest (for the first time )to tell him I wanted to talk about my divorce and sorting out my feelings. I put my phone in the email and he called me back within a couple days and was ready to make an appointment the next day. I couldn’t and assured him it wasn’t urgent and we met the following week.

One of the best meetings I’ve had. Ever. God is good.

Don’t over think this.
 
Butaperson said:
When you say phone or e-mail, do you mean phone or e-mail to make an appointment or to ask the question?

I think that perhaps e-mail would be the best solution for asking the question, if possible. I think it’s a straight-forward enough question for e-mail, and I just really don’t think I can manage a face to face appointment.
I’ve considered going in to the guidance counselor at school as almost a practice run for talking, but…talking to the guidance counselor pretty much warrants the same response of fear.

I want to work on conquering this fear, but Holy Week is fast approaching and I worry that if I expect myself to make a face-to-face appointment, I will end up not doing so in time to receive communion in good conscious.

So if you think it wouldn’t be totally inappropriate to e-mail with a question…I think I will ask electronically, and if necessary I could see about setting up an appointment from there.
Click to expand...
Fear of what? What’s the worst that can happen?

I guarantee your making up irrational reasons to not go.

Seriously , this is something not to stress about.
 
The best way I suggest is to call the church office and make an appointment. Usually the church secretary has the priest’s appointment book. Tell her it is to do with a personal matter and you need an one hour appointment. Email could get you into a never land. If the priest does not see your email, or does not respond, you can get into unnecessary frustration. A phone call to the the church office is the most efficient way. You can get an appointment on the phone if the secretary is able to schedule you. If some priest does his own appointment, you can get his direct line number from the secretary and call him. If he does not answer the phone, you can leave a message. If he does not call you back, you can keep on calling until you get hold of him.
 
I’m resurrecting this thread because reasons.

Yesterday I decided firmly and absolutely that I was going to go up to the priest after mass and ask to talk about these things. I was so sure I was going to. I gathered up all the reasons why I shouldn’t be afraid and all the reasons why I needed to talk and everything that i needed to…and then I couldn’t
I walked out of the church to approach him and couldn’t.

By that point, I was so frustrated with myself. I kept reminding myself, it’s not even a personal issue, it’s an important issue, you just need to ask a simple question, look lots of other people are talking to him. I kept thinking of all the saints who went through hardships in their lives, and thinking that the very least I can do is talk to a priest about a simple issue. I kept reminding myself that God is with me and even if it goes wrong…it doesn’t matter, because this life will be over in the blink of an eye and I really just need to do what I need to do for God. I gathered up everything I possibly could to convince myself it was such a simple action for something of such great importance. But I walked out of the church towards where the priest was chatting with people and I could not do it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m psyching myself out or WHAT the heck is happening with my life. This isn’t just a matter of priests either, it’s talking face to face with anyone who is for whatever reason intimidating. I couldn’t talk to my math teacher when I was failing. I couldn’t talk to the guidance counselor when I felt like my life was falling apart. I couldn’t talk to the head of my theatre company when I was about to get kicked out of the play on account of work permits. I can’t talk to anyone like that and I don’t know why. But I have to make my choice on where to go now. Whether it be to schedule an appointment and pray I don’t fall apart, or e-mail about my question, or something. I just don’t know. I tried to face my fears and I failed. But I need this question answered somehow
 
Butaperson said:
I’m resurrecting this thread because reasons.

Yesterday I decided firmly and absolutely that I was going to go up to the priest after mass and ask to talk about these things. I was so sure I was going to. I gathered up all the reasons why I shouldn’t be afraid and all the reasons why I needed to talk and everything that i needed to…and then I couldn’t
I walked out of the church to approach him and couldn’t.

By that point, I was so frustrated with myself. I kept reminding myself, it’s not even a personal issue, it’s an important issue, you just need to ask a simple question, look lots of other people are talking to him. I kept thinking of all the saints who went through hardships in their lives, and thinking that the very least I can do is talk to a priest about a simple issue. I kept reminding myself that God is with me and even if it goes wrong…it doesn’t matter, because this life will be over in the blink of an eye and I really just need to do what I need to do for God. I gathered up everything I possibly could to convince myself it was such a simple action for something of such great importance. But I walked out of the church towards where the priest was chatting with people and I could not do it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m psyching myself out or WHAT the heck is happening with my life. This isn’t just a matter of priests either, it’s talking face to face with anyone who is for whatever reason intimidating. I couldn’t talk to my math teacher when I was failing. I couldn’t talk to the guidance counselor when I felt like my life was falling apart. I couldn’t talk to the head of my theatre company when I was about to get kicked out of the play on account of work permits. I can’t talk to anyone like that and I don’t know why. But I have to make my choice on where to go now. Whether it be to schedule an appointment and pray I don’t fall apart, or e-mail about my question, or something. I just don’t know. I tried to face my fears and I failed. But I need this question answered somehow
Click to expand...
It seems only you can answer the question of what next. You know what to do. Perhaps talk to a friend about it or parent and have one of them accompany you.
 
Jon_S said:
It seems only you can answer the question of what next. You know what to do. Perhaps talk to a friend about it or parent and have one of them accompany you.
Click to expand...
That’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t really know anyone who is legit Catholic, just atheist friends, atheist family and SSPV family. I wish I could just e-mail but I’ve been advised against thus. I don’t know.
 
Butaperson said:
That’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t really know anyone who is legit Catholic, just atheist friends, atheist family and SSPV family. I wish I could just e-mail but I’ve been advised against thus. I don’t know.
Click to expand...
If he has an email on the website or bulletin then use it and email him.
 
Dear Butaperson,

I do understand. Send your priest an email. Ask your question there. If you are comfortable enough, explain your anxiety as well. It will help the priest to be mindful in responding to your email.

It is more satisfying to have a personal encounter with people when you are able. Emails can get missed much more easily. But if in your note you explain your difficulty, hopefully he will understand and respond in kind.

You have spent a lot of energy stressing over this. Let a priest help.

Good luck!
 
If it would help, the priest is simply Christ’s rep here on earth. Someone we can actually see and talk to, that is why confession has more to do with emptying your soul to Jesus, than nessarily to the priest. I love how kids run up and hug the priest. I want to do that, too, but am content with eye contact and a handshake. Start there, then next time engage in conversation.
 
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