It’s heartbreaking when our children betray our trust, going their own way instead of God’s way. I am going to make a commitment to myself that after this exchange, I’m going to let this go and put it in God’s hands completely.
My husband and I made what I assume were similar discoveries about our daughter and her boyfriend three days before Christmas. We never spoke to her boyfriend about it, but I have often wondered if we should have. Afterward, we limited their contact except for Youth Group; one time per week. They were not permitted to drive together.
One month later, my daughter told me that she had been with mainly me for the last three years and that she kept making the same mistakes and messing up and that maybe if she lived with her dad for a while he could straight her out.
(Both of us are remarried; she has siblings on both sides)
I was homeschooling her for the first semester and she said that she would be attending the same public school that I pulled her out of due to a bad group of friends, poor academic performance, and what I consider to be very secular views. She moved out at the end of January.
A couple of weeks ago, I spoke with the Youth Minister who informed me that he had not seen my daughter or her boyfriend the entire month of February and they were not chosen this year to be camp counselor due to their lack of participation. She was driven to a 6pm meeting by dad or stepmom and lied to the youth minister about having to babysit at 7pm. Someone saw boyfriend’s car and informed youth minister… Total betrayal of trust!
I spoke with a spiritual advisor that told me that lust is very powerful force with teens and that I had not been permissive. Before all of this, boyfriend spent a lot of time at our house having lunch or dinner and watching movies. WE were always around. My daughter, had been very respectful and trust worthy. I let my guard down on 4-5 occasions as far as letting them drive together. (Homecoming, youth group twice there only; I picked her up, they went to a movie 5 minutes from home, and they went grocery shopping for me two days before the “Big Discovery”. BIG MISTAKE!!!
Two years ago, my daughter’s stepmom said that since she wasn’t making good decisions and always seemed to think she needs a boyfriend that we should put her on the pill. I said, “Absolutely not!” But, I did acknowledge that she made bad decisions. I have stood by my decision and have not waivered.
The spiritual advisor told me that we cannot chaperone them 24/7 and that you can only teach them the right way, but the final decision is up to them. She even said that Padre Pio told a woman in confession that she was sending her daughter to hell due to her permissiveness. I was told to pray for my daughter daily and to give this completely to God. We ended with prayer.
SROL, I’m sorry for the long story. I love how you got to the point in about 4 sentences! That is truly a gift that I do not possess!
I give you and your wife a lot of credit for standing firm to the teachings of our faith. Society will say, “That’s just how teens are. What are you going to do?” We are called to lead our children and our spouse to heaven. Be assured of my prayers for you as you speak with your daughter’s boyfriend. I will offer a rosary for your intentions. God bless you and your family.
