Talking to friends who seek something deeper but are hostile to the faith

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I was wondering if you could share your thoughts and experiences on this. How do we evangelise people who seem pretty desperate for God but are closed to the idea of seeking Him? This is what happened to me yesterday.

I was ‘chatting’ with an old friend via FB yesterday, and she randomly said that she will be seeking a meditation instructor because she has problems with lack of inner peace and doesn’t feel well. I didn’t know what to say, how to respond, and we quickly changed the topic. We didn’t chat for long.

This friend is in her late 30s, has a good career, is divorced and currently living with a divorced man who has a messy situation with his ex wife and son. My friend has been down for quite a long time, due to her divorce and just due to a lot of emotional baggage she has been dragging along since childhood. (She has told me that herself.) Since she was 17 she has been jumping form one relationship to another, and it never ends well. She was raised Catholic but gradually abandoned the faith by the time she was in college, as is the norm these days. She now never goes to church, not even for Christmas and Easter ,and seems quite hostile to the faith. She knows I am a practicing Catholic and has told me that she sees that I have inner peace and a sense of direction and purpose in my life, but never went further and asked how come that is. On the contrary, she seems against the idea that the church has something to offer and dismisses it all.

That is why I didn’t suggest to her yesterday to go to church rather than seek some pseudo-religious eastern technique that will teach her how to breathe and empty her mind in hope of finding peace. I said nothing because of her attitude. I would be more than happy to share my faith and how embracing it has liberated me and gave me that peace and meaning in my life. But she - and others like her - never ask. Perhaps they never ask because they know the answer and they don’t like it.

What to do in such situations? I want to help and do something (and pray of course), but how can I help someone who rejects what I have to offer?

I guess there isn’t an easy answer, but I welcome your thoughts nevertheless.

 

[Rosebud77]

All part of the road for her. Any overt evangelising will deter her even more. Let God act in His time and just be a simple friend. As you are. I find now that attending mass is empty but my prayer life here alone is rich. Interesting how we change and grow. Your life and your faith will do more than any words or overt evangelising could. She is talking to you remember.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

All part of the road for her. Any overt evangelising will deter her even more. Let God act in His time and just be a simple friend. As you are. I find now that attending mass is empty but my prayer life here alone is rich. Interesting how we change and grow. Your life and your faith will do more than any words or overt evangelising could. She is talking to you remember.

Thank you for your comment. I do hope that she will eventually remember to seek God. I often feel like I am betraying God by not being more active in evangelising, but I honestly think that puts people off (unless they are actively seeking Jesus and just need some extra encouragement) and we achieve nothing. I hope that I get to have a conversation where I can share why I live the way I do, prompted by her.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I was away from by the church for 25 years before I returned. God took care of me and brought me home to the Catholic Church in His time.
Probably just being a good friend to her and setting an example of how you live your Catholic faith is enough. Pray to the Holy Spirit how you can plant a few seeds here and there.

 

[Rosebud77]

First, I would say that it may be your perception that your friend is “desperate for God”…but, in fact, she may not be at all.
She told you she’s looking for something to calm herself down and help her get healthy. That doesn’t necessarily mean God–especially if she is dismissing the idea entirely and seems “hostile” to the idea of Catholicism.

Or…she might indeed be open to “seeking God” --and not “closed” at all, as you say–but she does not want to do it via the Catholic religion. She sounds as though she has at least made that clear since she left it. So just because she doesn’t want to be Catholic, it doesn’t mean she’s closed off about God.
Her desire to meditate may, indeed, be her way of “seeking God.”

Many people find a lot of peace and physical health through meditation.

If she’s going through very rough times in her relationships and has patterns she keeps repeating, she might need therapy to help her sort things out.
That’s a suggestion I would make to a friend in her situation.

.

Oh DEAR!

 

[Rosebud77]

Thank you for your comment. I do hope that she will eventually remember to seek God. I often feel like I am betraying God by not being more active in evangelising, but I honestly think that puts people off (unless they are actively seeking Jesus and just need some extra encouragement) and we achieve nothing. I hope that I get to have a conversation where I can share why I live the way I do, prompted by her.

it does put folk off… I sell hand made rosaries at street markets here in Ireland and you would not believe the reaction from “evangelists” hostile to RCC… They home in seeking to “convert” me. On a lsightly different tack, many here who have been totally disillusioned by RCC are turning to Buddhism. Ask google for buddhism ireland and hold your breath for a surprise. We are spiritual beings… live your faith gently. and openly and let her make the running. I learned recently that my deeply quiet life alone here on the mountain is having more of an impact than I ever intended.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Oh DEAR!

I know

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I was away from by the church for 25 years before I returned. God took care of me and brought me home to the Catholic Church in His time.
Probably just being a good friend to her and setting an example of how you live your Catholic faith is enough. Pray to the Holy Spirit how you can plant a few seeds here and there.

That is great to hear, praise be to God. Thank you for encouragement.

 

[Dorothy]

“Contra Mundum”,

I think back in my life to those who gently steered me in the right direction when I said something “off”.

They planted a seed that the Lord watered, and is now recognized as coming from Him.

They did not hit me with a hammer on my head, but with love and concern they revealed their loyalty to the Church and all her teachings on faith and morals.

I keep asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me in situations as you describe. There are times that I am aware that the right words are given to me, and I must just be there and love the person in spite of what their reaction might be. I must not feel guilt if they are upset.

If their reaction is resentful and I remain loving to them, then at a later time they may hear how they sounded and recognize their error. Just keep remembering them in your prayers. We can plant the seed, and the Lord is the fountain of grace that waters it.

Our Blessed Mother, Spouse of the Holy Spirit, helps me a lot to stay on track.

The times that I hesitate and do not speak out what is right comes back to me as a gentle reminder to be on guard and always be ready to stand up for the faith.

 

[Rosebud77]

I know

for the smile thank you; much needed today1

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

"The times that I hesitate and do not speak out what is right comes back to me as a gentle reminder to be on guard and always be ready to stand up for the faith.

Yes, you are right. These situations arise and it is important to be ready. Thank you for the thoughtful comment.

 

[Adonia]

First, I would say that it may be your perception that your friend is “desperate for God”…but, in fact, she may not be at all.
She told you she’s looking for something to calm herself down and help her get healthy. That doesn’t necessarily mean God–especially if she is dismissing the idea entirely and seems “hostile” to the idea of Catholicism.

Or…she might indeed be open to “seeking God” --and not “closed” at all, as you say–but she does not want to do it via the Catholic religion. She sounds as though she has at least made that clear since she left it. So just because she doesn’t want to be Catholic, it doesn’t mean she’s closed off about God.
Her desire to meditate may, indeed, be her way of “seeking God.”

Many people find a lot of peace and physical health through meditation.

If she’s going through very rough times in her relationships and has patterns she keeps repeating, she might need therapy to help her sort things out.
That’s a suggestion I would make to a friend in her situation.

.

May the force be with you? Guess what, that “force” is God in heaven, manifested here on earth in the form of Jesus Christ. This woman needs to forget all that “New Age” meditation goobledeygook and look to the truth.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

Your feelings of inadequacy are a cue for you to study and learn more so that you will be ready to evangelize in the proper setting. Don’t be discouraged but use this time to study and work harder yourself. As for your friend, she is unable to see the forest for the trees right now, but her continued efforts to search and confide in you as her friend are the first step in this process. Thank God for this opportunity and pray for guidance as you continue to study your faith. Ask God to guide your efforts and it will occur naturally when the time is right.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Thank God for this opportunity and pray for guidance as you continue to study your faith. Ask God to guide your efforts and it will occur naturally when the time is right.

Thank you for your comment. I’m actually quite knowledgeable about the faith but not good at evangelising. I can explain finer theological points in plain language, but I think that for evangelising it is more important to say the right thing at the right time and I just can’t do that for some reason. I think I have encountered too much bigotry among family and friends after I converted so I freeze when the topic arises and find it difficult to boldly suggest that people look into our faith in a serious way. I think that I really need to pray about this, to be better at witnessing to others.

 

[Dorothy]

Daddygirl wrote:

<<:
??
Meditation isn’t “New Age”.
People have been doing it for thousands of years >>

There are different kinds of meditation. Some are designed to take you to a place alone…we should not want to go there.

A good kind of meditation is where one sits in the Presence of the Lord in a loving gaze at Him.

Another good kind is where one reads several lines of Sacred Scripture and ponders it.

 

[Rosebud77]

??
Meditation isn’t “New Age”.
People have been doing it for thousands of years

Re God…as I specifically said, the friend may already have God in their lives…or may be seeking it in a way that is comfortable to them.
You can’t force someone to only do it your way if they do not want it, as the poster already made clear (she said her friend is “hostile” to Catholicism).

The friend said she’s looking to be more peaceful and doesn’t feel well and she is also having trouble in her romantic relationship…these are not necessarily religion-related matters.
She might even need a doctor, if she’s not feeling well.
If someone says they are not feeling well and are troubled, it could mean they are under stress…or it could mean something serious–something that going to church will not fix.

If it was my friend, I’d want to think of all possibilities.
Wouldn’t you?

.

You ee, you are compartmentaliing " religion" in a way no one of faith does and so you are not understanding what any of us are saying. There is no either or here. We know that Jesus alone satisfies and fills and fulfils and that excludes all other ideas. Spiritual malaise and seeking are very clear. So there is basically nothing outside faith

 

[Dorothy]

Yes, there are many different kinds of meditation. Many people consider praying the rosary as meditation.
(tho I’ve never heard of a type designed to 'take you to a place alone"? What is that?)

.

To practice thinking of nothing at all is taking one’s self to a place alone. Catholics who are well-catechized in their faith are aware that there is an invisible world where fallen spirits are. (satan and demons).

And yes, the Rosary is a wonderful form of meditation!

 

[Galnextdoor]

I was wondering if you could share your thoughts and experiences on this. How do we evangelise people who seem pretty desperate for God but are closed to the idea of seeking Him? This is what happened to me yesterday.

I was ‘chatting’ with an old friend via FB yesterday, and she randomly said that she will be seeking a meditation instructor because she has problems with lack of inner peace and doesn’t feel well. I didn’t know what to say, how to respond, and we quickly changed the topic. We didn’t chat for long.

This friend is in her late 30s, has a good career, is divorced and currently living with a divorced man who has a messy situation with his ex wife and son. My friend has been down for quite a long time, due to her divorce and just due to a lot of emotional baggage she has been dragging along since childhood. (She has told me that herself.) Since she was 17 she has been jumping form one relationship to another, and it never ends well. She was raised Catholic but gradually abandoned the faith by the time she was in college, as is the norm these days. She now never goes to church, not even for Christmas and Easter ,and seems quite hostile to the faith. She knows I am a practicing Catholic and has told me that she sees that I have inner peace and a sense of direction and purpose in my life, but never went further and asked how come that is. On the contrary, she seems against the idea that the church has something to offer and dismisses it all.

That is why I didn’t suggest to her yesterday to go to church rather than seek some pseudo-religious eastern technique that will teach her how to breathe and empty her mind in hope of finding peace. I said nothing because of her attitude. I would be more than happy to share my faith and how embracing it has liberated me and gave me that peace and meaning in my life. But she - and others like her - never ask. Perhaps they never ask because they know the answer and they don’t like it.

What to do in such situations? I want to help and do something (and pray of course), but how can I help someone who rejects what I have to offer?

I guess there isn’t an easy answer, but I welcome your thoughts nevertheless.

I think it was Archbishop Fulton Sheen that said “There are not a hundred people in America who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions of people who hate what they think the Catholic Church is…”
Evangelizing someone who dislikes the Catholic Church because they think know what the Catholic Church is about, is hard to do, because they have to admit that they may have misconceptions. If you can get them to realize that they may have misconceptions, then you can get your toe in the door.

I am no great evangelizer, but I would have talked to her about how you use meditation in your prayer life. Depending on whether she is a CD, DVD, or book person, I might try to find something about meditation from a Catholic perspective and send it to her. If you can’t do that, you can always recommend a title. I have heard of people having something laying around for a couple of years than picking it up in boredom and having it change their lives.

Good luck and God Bless

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

If you can get them to realize that they may have misconceptions, then you can get your toe in the door.

I might try to find something about meditation from a Catholic perspective and send it to her. If you can’t do that, you can always recommend a title. I have heard of people having something laying around for a couple of years than picking it up in boredom and having it change their lives.

That’s a great idea, thanks.

I think that in this particular case the problem is that my friend has for 20 years lived in mortal sin because of sexual matters, including in her previous civil marriage, and even thinking about Christianity would mean that she would have to change her living arrangements (she is cohabiting again). She is well aware of this since she received a decent Catholic upbringing. This is something so many people struggle with, I see it all the time. Same old story: our egos and passions vs God. I find it very difficult to talk about faith with such people.

So choosing something like a religion-free meditation technique based on Eastern practices is a safe option. She thinks it will give her inner peace and cost her nothing. I see why this is attractive to secular people, but fortunately God doesn’t operate that way. I pray that she will carry on seeking something more substantial and go back to the faith she was raised in at some point.

 

[Mummsie]

OP,

Evangelizing is simply sharing parts of your story of conversion. We’re all constantly converting. When she brings up an issue, try to relate it to something you have been through and how you survived/dealt with it. “If we keep doing what we’re doing, we’ll keep getting what we’re getting”. Something needs to change and I agree with you she is ready for some kind of change. Before chatting with this friend, make a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit to give you the words to help.

God Bless You.