Talking to my family about my Vocation?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sanctus
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Sanctus

Guest
I’m looking for some advice on how to proceed.

First we’ll start with some history…I am a twenty year old sophomore in College on an ROTC Scholarship living around 800 miles away from my family (family=mom, dad, younger brother.) I have been discerning a vocation to the Holy Priesthood for a year (plus or minus 2 months) It has been a gradually increasing, constant pull at my heart. I haven’t made any decisions as to not get married, however, in the last four months I’ve put serious effort into looking at religious orders (Fathers of Mercy and the
Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word) I went up to visit with the Franciscans several times, talked to their vocations director and spent a day with them. I plan on visiting the Franciscans for a couple of days after Easter and then visiting the Fathers of Mercy in the summer. This discernment process is something that has completely refocused my goals in life. Since I have been putting more and more thought and effort into discerning God’s will for me I thought it was a wise time to discuss this all with my parents…
Code: 
 So last week I called my mom one day in the morning. (That way I'd catch her while my dad was at work)  I talked to her and told her about my discernment process-she was pleasantly surprised.  She reassured me that this was nothing to be afraid of talking about...and she almost seemed proud that I was thinking about the priesthood.  I told her I'd call back at a later date to talk to my dad.  Next, I called my Grandparents--they were psychic--Grandma knew all along (would have been nice if they had told me that  ;)  )  They, like my mom, were pleased that I was considering the Priesthood and they also encouraged me to continue taking it slowly so that I don't rush into making a decision.
 Feeling pretty good about these two responses I called to talk to my dad last Saturday.....he was not pleased.  Actually, he was completely shocked.  He did not like the idea at all.  I'm sure he didn't realize it but some of the things he said really hurt my feelings as they seemed to demean the prayer, thought, and effort I had put into this process over the last year.  We had differing views on what being a Priest meant but I was determined not to argue with him about this issue.  I told him that I did not intend to call him to get in a large debate so I wished him a good night.  I called my mom back today to see how my dad was and now she seems to have changed her tune.  She seems to also think it's a crazy idea :crying: 
   I am still determined to do God's will in my life, be that as a married man or as a Priest.  I do feel hurt though.  I want to keep my relationship with my father good (we've always been VERY close) but I also want to do the will of my Heavenly Father.  My question is where do I proceed from here?  How do I approach my family?  What do I say?  Do I wait for dad to call me?  Do we put this issue on the back burner?  I'd appreciate (name removed by moderator)ut from moms, dads, religious, especially if any of you moms or dads have ever had a son go off to be a Priest.
Please help me ❤️

God Bless,

Joseph
 
Joseph,

Know that when it comes to vocations, it frequently takes time for the family to come to terms with your decision, or even your willingness to discern your calling.

Give them time, remember, you’ve been working on this for a year, getting used to the idea. It’s a brand new concept for your dad. I can understand your dismay that your mother has changed her tune, but remember she’s your dad’s wife and she is showing solidarity with him when talking with you. This is a good thing for their marriage, and therefore a good thing for you in the long run.

Give it time, they should get used to the idea.

As to what should you do now, I’d be in contact at least as frequently as you would be in other circumstances, but you needed try to discuss the subject of your vocation. I’d recommend you not attempt to get them to resolve their position at this time.

God Bless you for your willingness to follow God’s Will for your life.

Peace be with you,

CARose
 
I was deeply effected by Jeff Cavins testimony about his story, relating his rejection of his father’s religious views, and the journey that took him in and out of the Church, and back home to his current place. His point was that our relationship with God our heavenly Father is deeply affected by our relationship with our earthly Father. Hope you can find some healing here, and pray that your dad comes around, and find some resolution so this does not work against you in years to come. We are all praying for you, you are so precious to us.
 
40.png
CARose:
Give them time, remember, you’ve been working on this for a year, getting used to the idea. It’s a brand new concept for your dad. I can understand your dismay that your mother has changed her tune, but remember she’s your dad’s wife and she is showing solidarity with him when talking with you. This is a good thing for their marriage, and therefore a good thing for you in the long run.

Give it time, they should get used to the idea.
Click to expand...
This is going to sound odd but…this past year I knew that I hadn’t made them aware of my vocation, but I guess it didn’t click with me that…they didn’t know (I know that must sound weird). I think I was under the impression that they were spiritually right there along with me and I would be confirming their suspicions. I will give them time and prayer. I know if I could go back in time to when this all started and tell myself then the stuff I am thinking about now, my jaw would have probably been on the floor.
40.png
puzzleannie:
Hope you can find some healing here, and pray that your dad comes around, and find some resolution so this does not work against you in years to come. We are all praying for you, you are so precious to us.
Click to expand...
I hope so too. Thanks for the encouaging words and prayers…they really mean a lot to me.

Everyone please keep the advice coming.
 
Joseph,

I’m going through the same exact situation as you… I’m discerning religious life and my parents thought I was kidding, but as I tend to tell them I’m not… they don’t like it… I guess they had this idea of grandkids and all…

I prayed a lot about it and they didn’t stop me from searching and doing what I feel God is calling me to do. Now they respect me and support me. Trust me it was hard, but I never stopped from going to retreats, spiritual direction sessions, or from praying.

God will lead you through this and when you look back, you’ll laugh!! Like I do! 🙂

God bless you in your journey!
 
Do you think it would be appropriate to write my family a letter? I’d still talk to them on the phone and even tell them it’s coming. Discuss it with them on the phone gradually more and more over time and send them a well thought out letter that explains my journey up to this point? Possibly I could include some stuff the Church has to say about vocations, why I really want to serve as a priest, and what led me to consider this all. I really want them to take me seriously because right now they seem to still have the “oh that’s a stupid silly idea” and I think they think that there’s some other motives behind this discernment that really aren’t there. I wish they could see my heart 😦

God Bless,
 
That sounds good Sanctus,

Pray on it before you write the letter and again after you have written it, before sending it. Allow the Holy Spirit to work with you.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job of accepting that this is a challenge for your parents, and that is the first step. You need to accept your role in their reaction (you seem to be working well towards that), accept them where they are (again, you seem to be doing a great job, keep it up) and help them as they try to understand where you are.

Congratulations on your mature response to a difficult situation.

You are in our prayers,

CARose
 
40.png
Sanctus:
Do you think it would be appropriate to write my family a letter? I’d still talk to them on the phone and even tell them it’s coming.
Click to expand...
Hm. A letter might help. But ultimately, you don’t really have to sell them. One of the essential steps into manhood, and into a priestly vocation, is to do what you know you have to do, even against your father’s wishes. What does your spiritual director have to say?
 
40.png
mercygate:
Hm. A letter might help. But ultimately, you don’t really have to sell them. One of the essential steps into manhood, and into a priestly vocation, is to do what you know you have to do, even against your father’s wishes. What does your spiritual director have to say?
Click to expand...
Well I talked to my spiritual director just prior to telling my father so I have yet to get his take on this situation. I asked him how he told his parents and he couldn’t remember!!! I know I don’t have to sell them and if this is a decision that I end up making I will make it regardless of whether or not I’ve ‘sold’ my parents on the idea of being a priest. However, as a son, I would like to give them every chance to be envolved with this process and keep them abreast of my feelings.

Oh and thanks for the continued encourgament everyone. They really do mean a lot.
 
I will pray for you.We need good and Holy Priest.It is indeed and honor to be called.Man coming from an all Church of Christ family,I know how it feels to have attacks onthe spiritual direction in your life.God Bless you
 
A letter is a good idea. When I had to write major letters like this, I always found it best to go to the Eucharistic Chapel to write and pary at the same time.

God bless you in your journey!
 
I think I will go sit in the chapel and write down some thoughts. I really hope there isn’t an akward time with my family. Please continue to pray for them and for me. I really do appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut from people in my position. Please keep it coming.

God Bless,
 
40.png
Sanctus:
Well I talked to my spiritual director just prior to telling my father so I have yet to get his take on this situation. I asked him how he told his parents and he couldn’t remember!!! I know I don’t have to sell them and if this is a decision that I end up making I will make it regardless of whether or not I’ve ‘sold’ my parents on the idea of being a priest. However, as a son, I would like to give them every chance to be envolved with this process and keep them abreast of my feelings.

Oh and thanks for the continued encourgament everyone. They really do mean a lot.
Click to expand...
You wouldn’t be the first person who’s parents were not overjoyed at their child’s voation. Many saints also had negative reactions from their parents. Look at St. Francis. He was disowned!

Ultimately, the choice is between you and God, not you and your parents. This doesn’t mean that you have to be disrespectful to them. You’ll just have to get used to the lack of support unless God brings them around. Maybe this is God’s way of preparing you for the life to come. Who knows, in a few years you could be asking yourself what you were complaining about back then! 😉
 
40.png
Sanctus:
First we’ll start with some history…I am a twenty year old sophomore in College on an ROTC Scholarship living around 800 miles away from my family (family=mom, dad, younger brother.)
Click to expand...
If you have an ROTC scholarship, then you’ll be serving on active duty for at least four years or so, right? You have a lot of time to think about all of this. Personally, I wouldn’t bring this up a lot with your family.

Pray about it, but be patient.

By the way, are you doing Army, Navy, or Air Force ROTC?
 
40.png
Benedictus:
If you have an ROTC scholarship, then you’ll be serving on active duty for at least four years or so, right? You have a lot of time to think about all of this. Personally, I wouldn’t bring this up a lot with your family.

Pray about it, but be patient.

By the way, are you doing Army, Navy, or Air Force ROTC?
Click to expand...
I’m in Air Force ROTC. The path that I take now is quite confusing with regards to the possible vocation and the military. I can just serve four years and then take up the vocation. I’ve been talking to the Military Arch-Diocese and I could possibly get an educational differment—find a diocese to sponsor me–then ask permission to become a military chaplian. I could ask the military to differ my commitment to being a reserve commitment (not usually done but since this is an odd case and we’re trying to cut back the number of officers commissioning it would be possible ) the ammount of thereby allowing me to persue a religious order. Or I could get married and be a pilot. So I do have some time–but not a lot of time.
 
Joseph ~

I don’t know much about the religious life or discerning vocations. But I know loads about dealing with parents.
Honoring your parents as God commands us, does not mean that they always have to agree with what we do. You can honor them even if they don’t agree with your vocation… for the time being.

Maybe your devotion is unsettling to your father. Perhaps you are a mirror to his life of faith, and perhaps you becoming a priest or religious scares him a little, or makes him feel uneasy about his own faith? Just thoughts.

I think that you need to continue to talk to other religious about this specific question. But I would hate to think that you would not become a priest because your family is discouraging. They can change!

I will say a prayer for you. 🙂

Ridesawhitehorse ~~~~~~
 
Joseph,
My parents were not at all thrilled when I became Catholic or went into the priesthood. Actually they were not happy before that when I became a Protestant minister! It took time. Eventually when they saw I was happy and doing well they decided it was okay. There is no easy way to deal with this. Simply follow your vocational discernment and do what God calls you to do. Pray about it. Get good spiritual direction. And be patient. Give it lot’s of time and they will come around. Do not be afraid.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top