Talking virtually isn't really talking?

[GGates]

So I read somewhere that when you talk over the phone or over the internet that since its virtual the person on the other end isn’t really who your talking to but just a representation that can be flawed or even incomplete. I was discussing this with a friend of mine that I’m gravely concerned for. He is convinced that by talking on Skype with some people he has never met that he has a bond with the people on the other end. The problem is that these people can be completely different from what he interprets them to be over Skype and often times are. The other thing that I was sure about was that communicating in person involves the soul to an extent, whereas the virtual Skype can’t transmit the souls presence right? All I know is that I would much rather talk in person than over a restrictive device. I’ve noticed that people that I talk to over the internet seem to never get closer to me, whereas those I talk to in person seem to grow to like me and appreciate me. Its these differences that I’m trying to address with my friend so that he can see that these virtual communications are best suited to relaying info in a direct manner rather than using emotions, feelings, desires, and expressions. Correct me if I’m wrong in any way. I would love to understand better. Thanks.

 

[ngill09]

Different modes of communication certainly have their restrictions, but I wouldn’t draw a line in the sand anywhere and make universal claims about any particular form of communication. The claim in your first sentence can be true in a very strict sense - when you see someone on TV you aren’t actually seeing them but an electronic image of them. The same goes for photos and computer images. You also lose a bit of the benefits of personal communication if you’re only communicating through audio, and even more if only through text.

However, I strongly disagree that non-personal communication should not be used for emotion or expression. Keep in mind that Skype, while not as personal as talking to someone in person, is much more expressive than handwritten letters. And throughout history, people have been able to express heartfelt emotions and deep feeling through simple words on a page.

So I wouldn’t call “virtual communication” worse than physically direct communication - only different. Except when it takes the place of in-person communication: put down that !@#$ phone!

 

[ThinkingSapien]

He is convinced that by talking on Skype with some people he has never met that he has a bond with the people on the other end. The problem is that these people can be completely different from what he interprets them to be over Skype and often times are.

How is that different from people that you meet face to face?

All I know is that I would much rather talk in person than over a restrictive device.

Indeed! We are social beings. While you are concentrating on the verbal aspect of communication often times communication is composed of body gestures or touching. Gestures may be partially filtered out by some one’s web cam and touching isn’t possible.

I’ve noticed that people that I talk to over the internet seem to never get closer to me, whereas those I talk to in person seem to grow to like me and appreciate me. Its these differences that I’m trying to address with my friend so that he can see that these virtual communications are best suited to relaying info in a direct manner rather than using emotions, feelings, desires, and expressions.

Different people have different experiences. For example, a person with agoraphobia (to use an extreme) may be able to bond more easily with some one over the Internet. Internet communications can also be the initiating point of face-to-face communication. Dating web sites are an example of this. In my own personal experiences I’ve traveled to other countries or states and have run into people (unplanned) that I’ve interacted with over the Internet. There’s something enjoyable about walking into a venue and meeting some one for the first time that you already know!

I’ve got friends that I’ve had for almost two decades. While we occasionally meet we primarily interact over the phone and online chat (I put skype in the same category as the phone since they both support the same modes of communication). If these tools were removed I wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with my friends as well.

If you find that Internet interactions just don’t do it for you, that’s fine. If it seems to satisfy your friend, that’s also find. I wouldn’t try convincing your friend that he is wrong. But just understand that you have slightly different preferences.

 

[St_Francis]

This is very interesting! I read a few months ago in one of Fr Frederick Faber’s books an adminition against too much letter-writing, because one naturally makes slight changes when describing events, just to make things a little funnier, or leaving out the parts where one made a faux pas…

Fr Faber lived during the 1800’s, but I was raised to believe that hand-written letters were very important, so to hear this different point of view was quite amazing!

I would say that this problem that Fr Faber pointed out is more of a problem in virtual communications rather than the physical aspects of the person’s not actually being there. IOW, I would say the problems do not stem from the medium as you describe–the fact that the person is “on tv” and the soul not present–so much as it is from being a recounting, which can be edited.

And in fact that means that Skyping someone could be *more *genuine than letter-writing because it is more immediate and less editable.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

If your friend is isolating himself and relying strictly on these modes of making connections, he may have some deeper problem, like agoraphobia, extreme anxiety, etc. This person could probably be helped through therapy, so keep this in mind. We are not all socially adept. Keeping to oneself and relying on a computer for providing “friendship” or other “relationships” is definitely not healthy. Try inviting your friend to accompany you to outings, or even to church for worship. Insecurities can only be overcome with great love. be a friend, not a critic.

 

[GGates]

Thanks guys for the quick replies. I guess I really just need to pray and get him to go on more outings. Yes he has an issue that stems from an addiction to a particular video game. Before playing League of Legends(the video game hes addicted to) he was perfectly normal in his own way. Now hes become critical of everything saying its stupid or lame. This is very frustrating for me because he seems to like something but then the next day says he hates it. The skype calls he does are with people I’ve talked to before, and they are NOT healthy people to talk to. They are constantly swearing, using Gods name in vain and disrespectful. Hes now formed a bond and desire to see one person in particular, who is not someone i would recommend him seeing because hes a bad influence. unfortunately Joe, my friend is 15 and these guys are like 23-24. His mom doesn’t want to get things started with this 23 year old unless hes willing to spend time with her husband and son(older brother) as well as Joe. Joe’s sister is also concerned for him because of the 23 year old. Joes formed an attachment to this guy and says that they really care about him and would love to go camping/hiking/biking ect. However, derrick, the 23 year old drinks to get drunk, he swears a lot, he takes Gods name in vain. Im seriously concerned that Joe will start hanging out with these guys and become like them. Maybe its not my place to say or do much, maybe he should meet with this guy, but i know people who lead bad lives when i see or speak to them. Joe already goes to mass on a weekly basis, hes roman catholic, his whole family is.

 

[Gricken]

I met a friend online. Known her for 2 years and never met her face to face. I’ve helped her through bullying, and anger issues as well as faith struggles (she’s catholic too) she counts me as a good friend, and I see her the same.

However, one should never try and let relationships over the web completely overtake ones real life relationships. It isn’t healthy.

 

[St_Francis]

Thanks guys for the quick replies. I guess I really just need to pray and get him to go on more outings. Yes he has an issue that stems from an addiction to a particular video game. Before playing League of Legends(the video game hes addicted to) he was perfectly normal in his own way. Now hes become critical of everything saying its stupid or lame. This is very frustrating for me because he seems to like something but then the next day says he hates it. The skype calls he does are with people I’ve talked to before, and they are NOT healthy people to talk to. They are constantly swearing, using Gods name in vain and disrespectful. Hes now formed a bond and desire to see one person in particular, who is not someone i would recommend him seeing because hes a bad influence. unfortunately Joe, my friend is 15 and these guys are like 23-24. His mom doesn’t want to get things started with this 23 year old unless hes willing to spend time with her husband and son(older brother) as well as Joe. Joe’s sister is also concerned for him because of the 23 year old. Joes formed an attachment to this guy and says that they really care about him and would love to go camping/hiking/biking ect. However, derrick, the 23 year old drinks to get drunk, he swears a lot, he takes Gods name in vain. Im seriously concerned that Joe will start hanging out with these guys and become like them. Maybe its not my place to say or do much, maybe he should meet with this guy, but i know people who lead bad lives when i see or speak to them. Joe already goes to mass on a weekly basis, hes roman catholic, his whole family is.

Oh, dear, I completely misunderstood what was going on Yes, it sounds like your friend probably needs a lot of help, maybe more than you can give him. It’s good that his parents are aware and trying to help him.

 

[GGates]

Francis, yes i believe there is reason for great concern. I know that when hes starting to delve into screamo metal bands like Bullet for my Valentine or other emo screamo its getting bad. I went through a time where thats what i liked to listen to up until i realized what they were saying. Disturbed when i listened to the words was what eventually stopped that bad habit of listening to really bad music. I dont think his brother will be too happy when he gets back, but i think he will straiten most of this out, hopefully…