Teaching children about receiving communion

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I was having a conversation w/ my girlfriend about teaching kids about communion and how to receive it. While I know the Church permits receiving in the hand, it’s something I choose not to do and prefer kneeling.

I had mentioned to my girlfriend (who prefers reception in the hand) that I wish to reach my children at a young age about receiving kneeling or on the tongue, just for the practical part of instilling in them that this is not mere bread, that it’s far more special.

She said she doesn’t want to teach them that since she doesn’t practice that. While it’s not a major issue, I can’t help but be driven to team my kids this – of course the education of what the Eucharist is doesn’t stop there, but it’s something I lean toward doing.

Could this be wrong? What would be a more sensible approach given that my girlfriend (if we get to that point of marriage) doesn’t agree in teaching this directly?
 
gcshapero said:
She said she doesn’t want to teach them that since she doesn’t practice that.
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Hmmm. while your question is about communion, I suggest that this is a bad omen regarding your girlfriend’s disposition and her problem solving skills, or lack thereof.

Regarding communion, both communion in the hand and communion on the tongue are taught by the Church. Both are legitimate options. Children should be taught both in religious education as well as by their parents. And of course, children will witness what their parents do. Regarding kneeling, in general standing is the posture in the US, not sure where you are. But of course, children can be taught about both ways to receive communion. We should NOT tell children one is better than the other, because that is not true. Both are legitimate.

Regarding your girlfriend’s seeming readiness to die on the hill for this insignificant thing, her “my way or the highway” attitude, you need to rethink her status as your girlfriend. She sound REALLY immature. And, it doesn’t sound like compromise, or even rational discussion are in her wheelhouse at this point.
 
In fairness, depending on how it was approached I could imagine the children picking up that it is wrong to receive in the hand and therefore that their mother receives wrong.

I can understand her not wanting to give her children that impression.
 
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8 year olds can be pretty short and I wouldn’t expect an older priest to bend down that far. I’d wait until they are older.
 
I’d agree.

Unless your parish has an altar rail, or a younger priest, standing and receiving on the tongue is fine.
 
My parish asks that people not kneel. There are hundreds of people coming forward, and kneeling creates serious congestion. It’s something to consider, given that you may not know which parish you’ll be attending in the future.

A sensible approach? I honestly don’t see this issue as a mountain to die on. God doesn’t care which option one chooses. And in the end, your kid is going to see and imitate either or both of you.
 
1ke said:
Regarding your girlfriend’s seeming readiness to die on the hill for this insignificant thing, her “my way or the highway” attitude, you need to rethink her status as your girlfriend. She sound REALLY immature. And, it doesn’t sound like compromise, or even rational discussion are in her wheelhouse at this point.
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I disagree. Unless there’s a clear and persistent pattern of stubbornness coming from either one of them, this issue alone would seem like a petty and shallow excuse for a break-up.

We honestly don’t have enough context. The OP could theoretically be super stubborn on this issue, as well, since it bothered him enough to post his side. But he already said that it’s “not a major issue,” so I’m giving both of them the benefit of the doubt.
 
More importantly that you should teach your children that they can only receive Communion in a state of grace. That is a bigger problem among Catholics today.
 
My humble opinion, follow the disciplines of the Church, the two approved ways to receive in the US is in the hand or on the tongue, please don’t be that one guy or gal that goes up and kneels before the priest, though reverential and respectful, it is outside of the norms and practices of the Church.

If you want to show extra reverence and respect for Jesus, in surrounding the Eucharist, receive as instructed on the hand or tongue and save that kneeling reverence for Adoration, go kneel in Adoration. Of course, there is practically an infinite number of other ways we can show reverence and respect for the Lord, especially with others and how we treat them. In short, in my humble opinion, I think Jesus would get more love out of you being nice to a stranger than kneeling in front of the priest during communion.
 
I’m more interested in how OP and his gf are dealing with this between themselves. If they are each okay with the other person’s choice (both choices being permitted by the Church), then they should be able to tell their kids why each of them has a different preference, note that either way is allowed, and then either let the kids choose who to imitate or allow them to follow along with whatever their whole First Communion class, school class, etc is doing. Kids usually don’t want to be the “odd one out” who does something different from the rest of their peer group, and teachers and clergy often don’t encourage that either for logistical reasons - as someone said, having a child kneel where a rail is not being used can put the child so low to the ground the priest has trouble reaching him.

If the OP and gf actually have some disagreement between themselves regarding the proper Communion posture, and it’s only just now coming out through this discussion, that’s something to hash out between the two of you, so that you truly can understand and respect each other’s views. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody who implied that my way of receiving standing, in the hand, was somehow less reverent than the way he was receiving.
 
I should be clear in saying that she doesn’t object to communion on the tongue, it’s just a matter of preference for her. Nor do I claim her to be sinful for receiving in the hand since the Church permits it. Knowing her, if the Church the next day made a declaration that Catholics must receive on the tongue, she’d follow that – she’s very devout in her faith.

I am staying as aware as possible for any sort of red flags if they interfere with faith. I haven’t noticed that yet, and she never seemed to propose a “may way or the highway” mentality – in fact, I probably did more so. That said, it is more a question of whether it would be right or wrong to teach my children this way of receiving if I think it will be most effective in having them learn about the true presence. Because of this, would the wife need to support this approach even if she herself doesn’t or should the husband re-assert this and not teach this to his kids and instead teach them about the true-presents outside of how to receive?
 
Definitley bring the faith into your home, but why not both of you just allow her CCD teacher or what have you inform her and then she make her own decision?
 
Absolutely. We’ve been seeing each other for about 6 months, but I want to work these things out provided we move our relationship forward. It’s important to me that, if we get to that point, that the family I lead is grown close to God.

Knowing her, that is what she wants too, but it’s important that we are on the same page as to how we do that. We definitely see eye-to-eye on the major things (raising them in a Catholic domestic Church, teaching all the elements of the faith, complete openness to life, etc).
 
CCD may educate them well, but my experience from catechists have been they that tell others NOT to kneel (something I’ve experienced in RCIA and have seen as a catechist from others). I don’t agree with that, and if a CCD teacher tells them they may not kneel, I wouldn’t agree with that at all.
 
That goes without saying. That will be highlighted first and foremost. This is more about a specific disagreement between my gf and I regarding what to teach children (if we get to that point of course).
 
That’s true.

Maybe dialog with the CCD teacher about it?

I know that First Communion at my parish happens on a prie-dieu, which I prefer, but also works better for pictures
 
Haha, I understand – I don’t want to get too technical. It’s more a matter of principle in this case – teaching kids to receive a specific way to teach reverence and understanding of what the Eucharist is vs. letting them choose for themselves.
 
Yeah…

Matt Fradd, a Catholic podcaster I enjoy, has a saying I think applies well here- ‘Do not demand conformity where the Church has allowed diversity’
 
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