Teaching Kids about Abuse Without Scaring Them

[Anglewannabe]

I am VERY against teaching a young child to “say no and try to get away” as a way to prepare them for how to deal with possible predators in their lives. Most four-year-olds are just not in a position to say “no” or get away from an adult who is a master manipulator. .

I agree because if ever (God forbid) the child is attacked, they will feel ‘It is my fault for not running away’ and when the parent tries to say ‘no it is not your fault’, the only thing the kid will think is ‘how can it not be my fault if mom and dad told me to say no’

I think that encouraging a kid (especially a shy kid) to speak up and say ‘I don’t like that’ although will not stop an abuser, it will stop an ignorant adult from humiliating them. Case in point, I had an aunt (who was very bossy and controlling). She walked into my house, decided she did not like the shirt I was wearing and took me by the hand to the bedroom to change it. I was 8 years old and she just reached over me to lift up my shirt. I was the type of kid who would have cried for days if my aunt saw me topless. I was able to say ‘May I have my privacy’ and she agreed. So in that sense, teaching me to speak up was a good thing. But it NEVER would have stopped an abuser.

I also think that if a kid says ‘Mommy if I tell you something do you promise not to get mad’ and mom promises she won’t, then mom needs to keep that promise even if the kid tells you she just broke your expensive antique vase. If children know mommy will keep her promise, they will be more likely to tell when unpleasant thins happen

Angie