Teaching teens about marriage

[kage_ar]

When I read Catholic boards, I am astounded by the number of posts regarding variations of these 3 topics:

I’m Catholic but my boy/girlfriend is not, can we get married in the Church?

I’m Catholic and married my non-Catholic spouse and now he/she refuses to allow me to raise the children as Catholic, what do I do?

I was raised Catholic, then married a non-Catholic in a civil ceremony, we divorced, I married again and now want to come back to the Church - why do I need an annulment?

There are variations on these themes, but, these are the generic versions. These messages break my heart, it was tough enough for me after converting to the RCC having a husband who was not opposed, but neutral. It was years before he converted. Years of attending Mass with only my son by my side, of praying for DHs conversion. My son was so thrilled when his dad entered the Church this past Easter Vigil (son was an alter server at that Mass).

My question here is - what are you teaching your Catholic kids? While the young will say “you can’t choose who you fall in love with” - my response is “but you CAN choose who you date”. We discuss dating and marriage with our son, we discuss Church teaching and how important common Faith is - - as he gets older (14 in a couple of weeks), we are all becoming more involved with the Youth group at our Parish.

Any advice out there from parents who have grown, practicing, Catholic children? Is teaching about common faith almost as important as teaching chastity??? Or, do I just keep praying that he becomes a priest

 

[Riley259]

I think you have some excellent insights into this problem. I’ve been in a difficult situation since coming back to the faith 4 years ago after having been away from the Church for nearly 30 years. Unfortunately, my wife has not had the same faith journey as myself and this has cause a strain in our marriage. I’m confident that some day my prayers will be answered and she will return to the church like I did. My wife has allowed me to raise our daughter (who’s 15) Catholic and at times I do take the opportunity to impress on her the importance of having a serious relationship with someone who shares your faith and values. It’s something I will continue to emphasize to her as she gets older because I want her to avoid the suffering I’ve been through over this very difficult issue. There’s no question that this issue needs to be emphasized more!

 

[La_Chiara]

I talk to my 13 year old daughter about how much it means to me that we go to Church together as a family. And we talk about her uncle who is a strong Catholic but married to an agnostic and other people who struggle with spouses of a different faith. Marrying someone of the same faith does not necessarily ensure that the marriage will be blissful. But it is one less strain on the marriage and one less issue to disagree about. I never seriously dated a non-Catholic–maybe because my uncle who married a non-Catholic woman was also the only one who divorced in that generation. Having the same faith as my husband is such a source of strength in our marriage and our family. I think my daughter sees how shared religion is important in our family. Actually, we joke about how the guy she brings home has to be Catholic and have short hair and no piercings or tattoos!

 

[kage_ar]

La Chiara:

I Actually, we joke about how the guy she brings home has to be Catholic and have short hair and no piercings or tattoos!

Laughing here! Since I have 2 tattoos, guess I could not object to such in a future DIL… Of course, my son is far more conservative than mom and does not want any piercings or tattoos.

 

[Emily_Watson]

Having long hair and tattoos doesn’t mean that a guy won’t make a good husband or father. My brother has hair down to his rear. Even with half of it shaved, it’s still thicker and longer than mine. He is an awesome father and is gitty with another child on the way. His wife has been part of our family for such a long time, I feel like she is my own sister. Oh, she has a couple of tattoos too. His job allows my sister-in-law to be a stay at home mom.

My husband is as “clean cut” as they come. He is the absolute opposite my brothers but they all get along famously! While he has become lazy in his faith, I know work is no excuse, but he does generally work all weekend, he is still my greatest fan and I am his. He is also an awesome father. My daughter has quickly become daddy’s little girl.

I never dated a guy whom I didn’t think would make a good husband or father. That left me by myself a lot of the time. I was very lucky to meet and marry the guy I did. I always think that if I were still single today, how difficult it would be to find a decent guy.

In this world, I worry about my daughter finding a guy that will support her and love her always. I will teach her to respect him in his role as a man and to be his biggest cheerleader. In this world, I will teach my son to respect women and be the gentleman that is so lacking in society.

Teens have a shorter perspective of the future. Telling them that actions now will affect them in the future is not really a concept most of them will get. They get the cause and effect thing, not doing the chores will keep you home when all your friends are out, but some effects take years to appear.

You may want to check out the Pure Love Club. It is specifically directed toward teens. Marriage is a long way off for a 13 year old, but it is never too early to teach him to respect himself and his future wife.

www.pureloveclub.com