Teaching the Pre-Marriage NFP Session

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verstevl

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I’ve recently agreed to teach the NFP/Sexuality in Marriage session at our Parish’s upcoming pre-marriage course, which I’m very excited about. In past years, however, there has been a great deal of negative feedback about the session, with couples feeling as though it was inappropriate for the presenter to suggest that contraception is wrong and not being open minded enough to alternatives to NFP (obviously I disagree :-).

Given that, realistically, many (?most) of the couples will either already be contracepting or planning on contracepting, I’m looking for suggestions on how to communicate to them that yes, the church does actually teach that contraception is wrong, but also not come across as negative or condemning and judgmental (tough… Given that the world we live in tends to equate disagreeing with one’s actions to thinking that person is horrible and unworthy).

Obviously I plan on talking a lot about all of the great things that NFP offers a marriage if you do need to postpone pregnancy, etc., but suggestions on a sensitive manner in which to communicate that contraception is morally wrong would be great! (Videos, books, etc. to gather ideas from)

Many thanks 🙂
V
 
Christopher West’s Introduction to Theology of the Body would probably be a great place to start. Likewise, you can look up Dr. Janet Smith both on her website and on Youtube for a number of talks on why contraception is a bad idea.

Hope that helps!
 
Along with theology of the body, I suggest playing up the great non-theological benefits: high effectiveness rate (99 percent), the solid science backing it, no hormones (100 percent natural!), and the improvement in communication for partners. If they knew that it was more effective than condoms and many other forms of ABC, then they might consider it more seriously. Be clear that this is NOT the rhythm method of yore. God gave us clear signs of fertility and infertility, and we only have to read them scientifically.

A focus on the effectiveness and joy of NFP would be better than focusing on contraception (mention the multitude of ABC downsides of course, but keep the focus on NFP). Pope Francis would agree that sharing the joy of following Christ through participating in his plan for our human sexuality is more effective in evangelizing than talking about what the rules are and how breaking them can send you to hell.

I would also be clear that the fact that many couples who practice NFP have many children is not due to a high failure rate, but instead to an openness to life that you develop once you start living according to God’s intention. Seeing a ton of kids is scary for newly-weds because many have been told by our culture that kids are the enemy. Be sure to tell them that with NFP you can effectively plan for the number of children that is right for you at the times that are right for you (but of course, as some people like to say, NFP is 99 percent effective because that 1 percent is up to God).

FYI, I am saying this as someone who had the exact same mindset as many of the couples you will be teaching, and only recently started NFP and love it. My husband and I have discussed the ways that our pre-cana class could have improved the NFP portion and are a bit miffed that we didn’t get any of the information above. It would have definitely shed a better light on NFP. There is a lot of misinformation about the methods and we personally thought it was like the rhythm method and rife with failures.
 
At the beginning of the class, state up front that yes the church does in fact teach that contraception is inherently wrong, and that you yourself personally hold to this teaching. However, you wish to focus on the positive steps offered by NFP, and the greater intimacy that can be achieved knowing eachother’s bodies.
 
I highly recommend this book.

And rather than focusing on the “benefits” of NFP. Maybe focus on the facts.

There have been numerous threads here about how instructors would claim that NFP was wonderful, joyful and easy.

Many people do not find anything “joyful” in taking your temp, checking your cervical position and feeling your mucus. If a couple has ambiguous signs, they won’t think it is easy. Wonderful is in the eye of the beholder.
 
You might mention too that in non-Catholic circles NFP is often referred to as FAM, or “fertility awareness method.” The difference is that contraception is encouraged during the fertile period, whereas in NFP it is not (obviously). But the science is the same, and it’s not a “Catholic-only” thing.

You could also talk about the benefits of NFP as far as helping to achieve pregnancy, not just avoid it, and that charting provides a lot of insight into a woman’s overall reproductive health - it doesn’t just have to be about babymaking.
 
Dr. Janet Smith’s video Contraception, Why Not? is great teaching tool. She’s awesome. You can order it from www.omsoul.com.

I agree that while it is the hard path, the teaching of the Church must be presented clearly and unambiguously.
 
maryjk said:
Many people do not find anything “joyful” in taking your temp, checking your cervical position and feeling your mucus. If a couple has ambiguous signs, they won’t think it is easy. Wonderful is in the eye of the beholder.
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👍

I remember being told how unifying and wonderful it is. My husband took one look at all the “work” required and his eyes glazed over. The charting is not always a fun experience or something couples are going to enjoy doing together.
 
I agree with maryjk about focusing on facts. I think that as a teacher, it is obviously easy for you to get excited about NFP and you will want to praise its virtues (and you probably should). However, I find that often the advantages of the NFP are being overexaggerated in order to make it seem better/easier/more effective than the contraception or, on the other side, fertility tratments unacceptable to catholics.

For what it’s worth, I think that (1) Church’s teaching on these issues is hard and goes against the current culture, (2) NFP is a good tool that works with woman’s body and can help the couple to plan the family, (3) NFP works and its effectiveness is on par with other methods that are unacceptable to a catholic, but it does require some work from the couple. It is not magic. (4) People want to control everything, whether by using contraceptive method or NFP. Any control we think we have over the situation is just an illusion, whether we are using the artificial contraception or NFP. (5) There is a third option - don’t use NFP and don’t use contraception, just be open to God’s will in regards to children. This would ideally be the default choice of a catholic couple on the beginning of their married life. I feel that peple in the Church running the marriage preparation program are so focused on replacing the contraception with NFP in the minds of people that they forget to tell the couples that God actually calls us to be generous and accept the children as a gift.
 
verstevl said:
I’ve recently agreed to teach the NFP/Sexuality in Marriage session at our Parish’s upcoming pre-marriage course, which I’m very excited about. In past years, however, there has been a great deal of negative feedback about the session, with couples feeling as though it was inappropriate for the presenter to suggest that contraception is wrong and not being open minded enough to alternatives to NFP (obviously I disagree :-).

Given that, realistically, many (?most) of the couples will either already be contracepting or planning on contracepting, I’m looking for suggestions on how to communicate to them that yes, the church does actually teach that contraception is wrong, but also not come across as negative or condemning and judgmental (tough… Given that the world we live in tends to equate disagreeing with one’s actions to thinking that person is horrible and unworthy).

Obviously I plan on talking a lot about all of the great things that NFP offers a marriage if you do need to postpone pregnancy, etc., but suggestions on a sensitive manner in which to communicate that contraception is morally wrong would be great! (Videos, books, etc. to gather ideas from)

Many thanks 🙂
V
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I will start by saying that my wife and I were NFP instructors for a while. It was “sold” to us by making promises and portraying it as easy, and a “replacement” for ABC. It is not either of those things. I think it is a sad situation when we cannot say simple Church teaching without “offending” someone.

My advice is to preach the Truth no matter if it may offend some.

As for NFP, well here are a few donts

Don’t say it makes your marriage better. I have seen NFP instructors divorce as well. And it was by FAR the biggest issue we ever tackled as a couple.
Don’t sell it as something that is as effective or more effective than ABC. If they want a contraception and have that mindset you do them no favors by making it into a contraception. Don’t sell it as something you can do for “your convenience” Sell it as something that one has the dispensation to use for just reasons. Go through how one can for their consciences for deciding what to do, but do not tell them what to do.
Don’t hide behind the skirts of the Church and don’t be ashamed of Her teachings.

Do.
Talk about what sex should be in a healthy marriage.
Talk about how NFP can help and hinder a marriage.
Talk about how ABC is wrong and why. Dont just say the CHurch says so. Explain unitive and procreative and the marital embrace. Explain exactly what marriage is and why ABC is anti marriage.

Allow for the fact that they are just figuring out married life

Contraception is such a giant devil that no special words or way you put it will actually change someones mind. But you MUST allow for God to speak to someone and the only way that can happen is if you are clear and informative about this issue.
Your biggest problems are
  1. People are unaware that the CHurch not only teaches that ABC is a grave sin but also that it cannot teach any other way. EVER.
  2. Most people I know that abandon NFP for ABC do so because it was sold to them as a cure all, as “Catholic Birth Control” and that it is SO beneficial and easy. When the harsh reality hits them, they abandon the method not only quickly but also with a feeling that the Church has lied to them.
 
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