No, the anxiety has come because of the tears. I’m only affected at Sunday morning Mass. No other situation causes me such deep feeling. I haven’t sought counseling, because it is nothing that I could get help for. I just don’t really see how talking to a psychiatrist would make it so I no longer feel the Mass so deeply to the point of tears. If anything, talking to a priest would be more what I would seek, but I haven’t done that either.
I never used to go through this. I was able to go to morning Mass and be just fine. Then all of a sudden, it started happening, every week, since probably a year or so ago now, or at least several months. I have no anxiety in my life other than this. There is nothing to make me feel so emotionally affected during the Mass other than just being there. Something happens. The music, even the silence before the service starts, just the quietness of being there, in the dimly lit church, the stillness of knowing I am the nearest to God here, and it is enough to cause me tears that quietly, unnoticeably flow, and it lasts throughout practically the entire time. I hate feeling this way, because I’m in the presence of others, and I just don’t feel comfortable being in tears in front of people. I don’t mind if I’m alone. I’m affected just looking at the statues of Mary, Joseph, and the Child Jesus, and the near life-size statue of the risen Jesus on the altar, His hands outstretched to me. I can only describe how I feel when I look at Him as a deep longing to leave the loudness and darkness of this world to be with Him in the peace and lightness of eternity. I also feel overwhelmed by the love I know He has for me, for all of us, and it is enough to start the tears. I know, too, from what I’ve read, that I’m not the only one who goes through this. I just wish I could feel this way without having to actually cry over it.
There was a point that it was happening to me after confession all the time and after receiving the Eucharist. Well, I just felt a little embarrassed. After receiving the Eucharist as I made my way back to the pew, the tears would start rolling like two little rivers and I tried for people not to notice. So, I would bury my head in my hands as I kneeled and pray. Then, after confession, I also found it embarrassing as I would be walking home thru the neighborhood with two little rivers of tears. It’s beautiful and if you really focus and try to identify what is accompanying the experience, I think you will find that it is joy.
which can be a nuisance and harder to hide.