Teen daughters actions

  • Thread starter Thread starter Theresa1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

Theresa1

Guest
Hi.
I am here longing for some advice. I’ll try to be brief. In a nutshell Ive learned that my 16 yr old snuck a boy in our house while we were at work and sent a photo (innapropriate) to him in the past. We’ve since punished her to what we think is appropriate removing devices, grounding…
I am not one to make this judgement lightly just because she is my daughter but I sensed in her such anguish and not because it was found out (No intimacy) but because she is a sweet girl that made a poor and dangerous choice which we fully explained. She confided that she prayed God would forgive her. I believe the Holy Spirit is at work in her as I honestly believe her sincere regret and her good heart. This caught us by surprise precisely because she is so kind hearted. Her bad judgment hurt my heart and now that she is cut off from communication with boy I’m trying to balance calming her broken heart with appropriate tough love. For any parents with similar scenarios during the teen years, any general advice on how to handle the next few days/weeks are greatly appreciated.
 
the book ‘how to find your soulmate without losing your soul’ is a great one by Jason Evert. Its kinda marketed towards girls, but I was reccomended it as a guy by a seminarian at my youth group… its a great book.
FYI, im 17.
 
Last edited:
I don’t have any advice as my children aren’t to their teens yet, but I offer prayerful support. I think it’s very encouraging that your daughter recognizes that it was bad judgment rather than doubling down or being defiant. That’s no small grace. Honestly, what teen can escape the teen years without exercising bad judgment? Thanks be to God she has a loving mother like you to help her through it.
 
It’s the inappropriate photo that is most troubling, because that could end up being a heap of trouble for her. I know a family whose daughter, a year or two younger than yours, sent an inappropriate photo. One of the first things they did was report to the county children & youth agency to let them know what happened. It was done to preempt anyone else making a complaint. I don’t know what the outcome was, but it seemed like a good move on their part. Just something to consider, because inappropriate photos of underage people can lead to serious legal/criminal outcomes.
 
Thank you. We indeed had a ling conversation about this and opened her eyes. Thank you
 
It’s the inappropriate photo that is most troubling, because that could end up being a heap of trouble for her. I know a family whose daughter, a year or two younger than yours, sent an inappropriate photo. One of the first things they did was report to the county children & youth agency to let them know what happened. It was done to preempt anyone else making a complaint. I don’t know what the outcome was, but it seemed like a good move on their part. Just something to consider, because inappropriate photos of underage people can lead to serious legal/criminal outcomes.
Practically, I think alerting the authorities is at least as likely to create trouble for yourself, as it is to protect you.

Morally, I think that laws that consider teens sexting with each other to be a form of child pornography distribution are so very absurd and unjust that parents have no obligation to cooperate with them, if their child is caught up in something like this. The more germane worry is that some young men will share such photos with other people at school, etc.
 
Last edited:
Thank you, I would like to have a weekend retreat with her and even spend the night reading the book but I sense she would not be open to the idea.
 
I absolutely agree.
A guy at my school was consensually sending and receiving nudes his junior year of HS, got caught, and is now on the sex offender list for possession of child porn.
While its not ok what he did, the crime should match the punishment.
 
Not likely the thing you want to hear, but, you caught her this time. The chances this was the very first time are extremely low.

She needs to be aware of the moral and legal implications. Does she want these photos to pop up when they review her college applications? To potential employers? To her future husband and kids? Digital is forever.

There is a level of self respect that our teens have lost. I am so sorry, but, try to rebuild her sense of propriety.
 
parents have no obligation to cooperate with them, if their child is caught up in something like this.
No obligation to cooperate with laws against child pron? I don’t want to come across as prudish, but I don’t think sexting is an o.k. thing for people to do, and underage sexting is REALLY something people shouldn’t do.

Regardless, I think it’s much better to tell the authorities, “We know this happened. We’re taking steps to help her but we need help,” than to have someone else report it, in which case the parents will lose all control of the situation.
 
No obligation to cooperate with laws against child pron?
The laws against child porn will put a child on a sex offender registry for life, in many places, and may put a child in jail. Do you think that’s what a child deserves for sexting? Would you also put a child in jail for showing a friend their genitals in person?

Look – these things are immoral, indeed, seriously immoral. But jail is NOT an appropriate consequence, and if the law says it is, I will assuredly harbor my child safe from the law.
Regardless, I think it’s much better to tell the authorities, “We know this happened. We’re taking steps to help her but we need help,” than to have someone else report it, in which case the parents will lose all control of the situation.
But yes, this is just a difference of our evaluating likelihoods. I’ve seen enough people honorably come forward with the truth about technically violating a law, only to find themselves hit with a maximum penalty. So I see more danger in transparency than in the (to my mind, very unlikely) circumstance you mention.
 
I would not advise notifying the authorities about this. As others have said it could be construed as child porn which is ridiculous IMO but that’s what the laws say. And yes, the underage person who posted a photo or received such a photo could be convicted of possessing child porn.

Not to mention that involving social services is a bad idea. They could claim you were negligent as a parent and try to remove your daughter from the home.

It sounds like you are a good parent and are handling the incident appropriately.
 
This is a question about parenting first and religion second. I think you should seek advice from a psychologist (a real, scientifically-trained, one) about your possible option and their likely effect. On the pics issue: it is foolish to ever send anyone pics you would not want everyone else to see. On the other hand, it is not the worst thing in the world for others to know you have a human body.
 
However you choose to handle it, just avoid the ‘throwing it in her face’ strategy that many parents take. Trust her, believe her and IN her…
 
If anything, just get her the book and let the Lord do the rest…
I read that book when I was around 17 (along with basically everything else JE ever wrote). Now I’m approaching 23, and I’ve found that it really hasn’t held up.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top