Teen - need advice

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Sorry for the broad title, I wasn’t sure what else to call this.

Hi. I’m a 15 year old girl in 10th grade. I’m really shy but I do have friends, though I rarely text or hang out with any of them. I get great grades, so the money part of my future I will never have to worry about.

The other parts however, I’m very worried. I have extremely low self esteem and even though I think I’m pretty in the mirror, any picture of me I believe I am hideous. Some people have called me pretty or cute, but no guy ever really has since I was like 12.

Basically I’m worried I will never find a guy I’m attracted to who has a personality I will love when I don’t even find myself worth it. I don’t understand how some people, including every single one of my cousins, can be so pretty but I’m not. My cousins are all Catholic, two are engaged to lovely people, one was a nun who is sick so she took a break to figure out what she wants to do while she heals, and two others are dating lovely people.

I just feel like such a let down and wish that I wouldn’t be. I just hate how something that determines the start of a relationship isn’t even controllable.

I just don’t know how much longer I can deal with feeling this way. Praying is comforting, as is being by myself, but I can’t do that forever.
 
ninfeabella said:
Sorry for the broad title, I wasn’t sure what else to call this.

Hi. I’m a 15 year old girl in 10th grade. I’m really shy but I do have friends, though I rarely text or hang out with any of them. I get great grades, so the money part of my future I will never have to worry about.

The other parts however, I’m very worried. I have extremely low self esteem and even though I think I’m pretty in the mirror, any picture of me I believe I am hideous. Some people have called me pretty or cute, but no guy ever really has since I was like 12.

Basically I’m worried I will never find a guy I’m attracted to who has a personality I will love when I don’t even find myself worth it. I don’t understand how some people, including every single one of my cousins, can be so pretty but I’m not. My cousins are all Catholic, two are engaged to lovely people, one was a nun who is sick so she took a break to figure out what she wants to do while she heals, and two others are dating lovely people.

I just feel like such a let down and wish that I wouldn’t be. I just hate how something that determines the start of a relationship isn’t even controllable.

I just don’t know how much longer I can deal with feeling this way. Praying is comforting, as is being by myself, but I can’t do that forever.
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The first thing I want to say to you is that you need to stop getting down on yourself!!! You are a wonderful, beautiful daughter of God, and that makes you extremely special. I personally think that though some people are photogenic, the true beauty is when one’s inside radiates through to one’s outward appearance. There are many people I know who are not conventionally pretty or handsome that have such loving and beautiful spirits, and they are beautiful in my eyes. The second thing I want to tell you is that you shouldn’t worry!!! You are only 15! I know many, many people who are in their 20s and haven’t dated yet. Just have faith that God wants the best for you, and that he will send the perfect person for you when the time is right. My mom always tells me, “God is never early, never late, but always on time.” He’s always on His time, which is perfect. Even though sometimes we despair in life that things aren’t going according to our plans, we can’t see the whole picture. God can. He knows what is right for us. Just keep praying for you and your future spouse, and I am sure that you will do just fine. 🙂 God bless.
 
You’re 15 and in the tenth grade…if you aren’t dating, you’re being smart. My parents didn’t allow me to start until I was 16, and it was too young. Yes, I know there are 13 year olds who date. There are also 13 year olds who get pregnant. You do not think that none of them are “A” students, do you? If you did, you wouldn’t be the most naïve “A” student in your sophomore class. If you do not believe me, go talk to the nurses at the maternity ward at the local county hospital. Wait to date, girl. Wait to date.

If you’re not dating because you’re not getting any interest, you’re probably fortunate. If you actually do have very low self-esteem and you are not dating, you’re most definitely fortunate. There are few women more vulnerable than a 15 year old who does not realize that she is profoundly worthwhile. Men who use women look for just that kind of woman…the more she believes that his desire for her is what gives her value, the more he has carte blanche. Very intelligent women are anything but immune to this kind of predator, because very intelligent women so often intimidate other men. If you truly are as you describe yourself, you are a sitting duck. Be aware of that. Be very aware of that!

Oh, and by the way: I get great grades, so the money part of my future I will never have to worry about. If you got an “A” in personal finance, you know that this is not automatically true. It is only true if you have the education and the self-discipline to use that fine intelligence of yours in your financial affairs. If you are like most contemporary American high school students, though, you’ve never* had* a course in personal finance. A great intellect and the belief that intelligence demands top dollar is a great way to get yourself buried in student loans with no way to pay them off by the time you need to be able to save for other things, instead. If you do not believe me, have someone with a business degree do the math with you before you apply to college. I say this as someone who has a PhD; I know whereof I speak.

These are calculations I would not necessarily trust to a high school counselor. Some of them act more like realtors for the college experience than guides through the pros and cons of the different post-secondary-educational life choices. They sometimes have a prejudice against earning potential when it is a value that might be opposed to academic advancement. I do not even mean that they do not like to admit to people who blow away the SAT exams that electricians and hair stylists sometimes make a lot more money than equally-bright people with bachelor’s degrees. I mean that a professor may not earn nearly as much as his peers who went into the private sector in his same field instead of to graduate school. Intellectual freedom can carry a price…often worth it, but too many students do not know to even count the cost!!

You are only a sophomore, so you’re not expected to know all of this. Just know that there are still many important gaps in your education, and that you can’t depend on your high school or even your parents to fill them all. Be smart, and seek out these answers for yourself, too.
 
Before you start dating, you need to work on that low self esteem you say you have! Set aside some time each day to pray to God and ask for his direction in your life. Ask him if you are meant for married life or not. Through prayer I found out that I am not called to married life, I am called to religious life. I did not discover that however until I asked God directly through regular prayer. Before that I can remember struggling with myself, at 27 I’m still single and my longest relationship lasted for about a month! Also, I’ve only dated 4 guys, and really only one of those was an actual relationship…that was the one monther! lol.

Dating also leads to temptation! Both God and the Church teach that we must strive to remain pure until marriage, purity is something that God values very highly in fact. If you put yourself in a relationship before YOU as and INDIVIDUAL are ready, you may find yourself giving into temptation. This can lead to all sorts of regrets and consequences, pregnancy, std’s, being given an unflattering label etc…As others have said, 15 really is too early to start dating. It’s clear that you don’t really value who you are as a person yet, how can you expect someone else to make up for that? If you want a boyfriend to make you feel better about yourself, you are putting a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, that’s how you become codependent, meaning that you see value in yourself only so much as others value you, and you will come to depend on others, mainly romantic partners, to make you feel valued.

Perhaps it sounds cheesy to you, but the best thing for you right now is not dating, but is to spend time getting to know yourself better and to spend more time PRAYING. Because, and I’m sure you’ve heard it before, God loves you! He made you who you are, put you where you are, and made you look the way you look because He knew you would need it or benefit from it somehow. Do you think that all the men and women who have ideal physical beauty are necessarily happy people? Do you also think that those who are considered unattractive are automatically unhappy? Also, I know some very smart people who are dirt poor…;), there’s more to money than having good grades. People in general are as happy as they want to be, those who are happiest generally don’t focus too much on what others think about them. What are you going to do about the appearance you were given? You don’t have the power to do anything about it, so, you must learn to accept how you look, if you do, then others will also see that and will respect it. The ones who don’t probably don’t deserve your attention anyway, but do need your neighborly love, mercy and prayers.

Mother Theresa said, “I can do things you cannot, and you can do things I cannot. Let us do something beautiful together for God” (or something like that…)
If God wanted you to look like Cindy Crawford, Tyra Banks, Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum etc…He would have. But that wasn’t his plan for you, that isn’t a bitter truth, simply a truth. His plan for you is different from his plan for them, but not LESS important or significant. A womans value is not pent up in a man, or money, or popularity, but in her devotion to God and the value that God places in her. All those beautiful people have different struggles in their lives that you might be thankful that you don’t have. I’m sure you have struggles that others would be glad to find out they don’t have also. Everyone is given gifts and struggles in life, and everyones are different. Just because someone is beautiful and in a relationship with someone, does not mean that they are by extension, happy. Your true happiness will be found in God because only he knows where your happiness lies, and to find out you must pray and listen to your heart.

A favorite quote of mine, which is quite well known. But I’m going to reiterate it to you,and I want you to imagine that God himself is speaking this to you.
“You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”
Never, ever forget that! I hope you find peace and direction in your life and that you find where your happiness lies in God’s plan for you.
Love,
Your sister in Christ.
 
ninfeabella said:
Sorry for the broad title, I wasn’t sure what else to call this.

Hi. I’m a 15 year old girl in 10th grade. I’m really shy but I do have friends, though I rarely text or hang out with any of them. I get great grades, so the money part of my future I will never have to worry about.

The other parts however, I’m very worried. I have extremely low self esteem and even though I think I’m pretty in the mirror, any picture of me I believe I am hideous. Some people have called me pretty or cute, but no guy ever really has since I was like 12.

Basically I’m worried I will never find a guy I’m attracted to who has a personality I will love when I don’t even find myself worth it. I don’t understand how some people, including every single one of my cousins, can be so pretty but I’m not. My cousins are all Catholic, two are engaged to lovely people, one was a nun who is sick so she took a break to figure out what she wants to do while she heals, and two others are dating lovely people.

I just feel like such a let down and wish that I wouldn’t be. I just hate how something that determines the start of a relationship isn’t even controllable.

I just don’t know how much longer I can deal with feeling this way. Praying is comforting, as is being by myself, but I can’t do that forever.
Click to expand...
I have a 15 year old son. I think basically you need to take a deep breath and realize that you are ok just the way you are. You have your whole life ahead of you, so do what you are doing now, get good grades. Before you know it, you will be out of HS and at college. College social scene is much different that HS and when you are out of college, real life and working is even more different. don’t base your fear that you won’t have someone on HS. HS is a very contrived social existence and is not the way real life is. It is better not to date now but work on grades etc. Likewise, I am not sure what you are involved in but if you can try to volunteer at church or something else like tutoring etc. when you are out helping others, you mind is not on yourself and on others instead and you will have more social interactions with other. Take a deep breath because you are ok.
 
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice above. You shouldn’t be worrying about these things yet. Concentrate on doing things that improve your self-confidence and thinking about what you might want to do in the future. Also your appearance is still changing.

I hope it doesn’t annoy you too much to be told you’re young, but when you are in your twenties, and if you meet a 15 year old, he or she will seem like a child to you.

I especially agree with the poster above that high school is a very contrived social situation and has very little to do with real life.
 
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