Teen pre-marital sex

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CatholicTeen06

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Hello everyone,

I’ve been having sex with my Lutheran girlfriend for a few months, and want to go back to a non-sexual relationship. I’ve talked to her about it, and she was very understanding and would be willing to do so. We’re both 18, and even though it sounds young and stupid to you all, I do want to marry her after college.

She’s been raised to believe birth control is okay, and I want to use NFP instead if we are to wait to have kids. I also hope to convince her to Catholicism, but am unsure as how to go about this.

She’s very nice and doesn’t get offended when I talk about Catholicism with her and offer to pray with her, but I don’t want to get pushy.

So my questions are.
  1. How should I go about trying to keep us from having sex, and convince her that we shouldn’t use birth control if we do get married.
  2. How can I help her (and more importantly, us) become more connected to God as a couple. I hope she converts to Catholicism, but like I said I don’t want to force her into it or have it be a “all or nothing” factor for us getting married.
 
Well done on your commitment to stop having pre-marital sex. I hope you are able to succeed.

The best advice is to avoid situations where you are alone together and can easily engage in sex. Choose activities with other people. If you want to be alone, go out, see a movie, have dinner, and other such activities where sex won’t happen.

As for NFP and contraception, it may be difficult to convince her to agree since it is required by your faith and not hers. You should discuss this matter with a priest if and when it comes time for you to consider marriage together. As a non-Catholic, she would not be bound to Church teaching on contraception, but as a couple this may become a difficult matter to resolve.

Also, don’t rely on converting her. If you wish to date her and move towards possible marriage, do so with your eyes open and develop an understanding of what issues you may face as an interdenominational couple.
 
While you do need to resolve the ABC vs NFP issue before marriage when it comes to matters of faith you need to love your gf for her and not for who you would like to make her. If she comes to the decision that she would like to convert than great. Otherwise that is something that you can evangelize but should not try to change.
 
Personally, when I was 16, I would have loved to have learned NFP. It really helps a young lady to understand what is going on, and to know when ovulation has been delayed due to stress or whatever. That was really handy to know. I bet she would appreciate knowing NFP. If you can find out if it’s offered through your church, encourage her to attend. In my city, the nuns had a nurse offering classes on NFP.
 
  1. Avoid getting yourself into positions where you are able to have the privacy to have sex. Above all don’t end up living together or you are doomed to fail. Be wary of alcohol.
  2. Learn and live your faith. That will draw her in more than anything else will. Your instinct not to be too pushy about your faith is a good one. Obviously if she ask questions about it make sure your ready to answer them. What you want to avoid above all is that you end up talking about your faith so much that you both become frustrated and stop being excited about seeing each other because your just going to argue about it. Set aside some time to keep a dialogue open but make sure your enjoying time together just doing normal everyday things.
Side note: Learn what the Church teaches on marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian.
 
I guess I should have worded it “long before I was 18”.
It’s a nuisance that we can’t go back to do a correction after an appointed time.
 
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