N
nana3
Guest
I just had a nice talk with my dd. She is really angry at God. These are her reasons: She is ugly, fat, shy, has no friends, has two disabled parents, one parent who is angry at times and too strict, a cousin who only uses her, and so why should she love Him.
She was crying as she told me all this. I think she was very confused because I first she told she didn’t believe in God, but then she said she prays to Him. That is when I asked if she was angry at Him because she mentioned it before in therapy. As far as ugly, if you could see her she is not ugly. She is beautiful. She is only a little overweight for her age and height, so she is not really fat, but she looks at others and compares too much especially her skinny cousin who is 15 years old. As to the no friends, that is because she is shy. When she was in the co-op for homeschoolers, the other girls would try to talk to her, but she only made friends with one and that was it. This other girl is a social butterfly and so she knew other girls and was popular. So when she ignored my dd, she would get upset, but I would tell her to go with her and talk to the other girls. Even when she was in public school and private school for the first 3 grades, she only had one friend. The teachers said she was shy. I was that way too in school. She is an introvert. I am reading the book, The Terperament that God has given you. I decided to read this to understand my dd and my dh. He is an extrovert. My dd has a beautiful voice and was in children’s choir and I liked that because she socialized with her peers, but when it came to eight grade and how much she has grown in her body, she looks like a High Schooler and she did not want to join the grade 2 to 8 group choir. So a Catholic parish near us, but we are not parishioners there, had a teen choir, I asked her to consider joining. They would take her because she was confirmed already. She did not want to join because of fear with others about her age group. I made her do it anyway. She is making friends there, but very slowly. They do talk to her, but she says she doesn’t know what to say. Tonight was choir practice, she didn’t want to go. She does sing this Sunday. That is the only time she sings in church is with the choir. She stopped singing with us in seventh grade. I don’t know why except as she said the anger.
As far as having two disabled parents, that is true and we are physically unable to do so much with her and she recents that, but we can’t do anything about it. The counselor only said she had to accept us as we are. I tell her to pray for our healing. Her dad is improving, but it goes both way. She yells at her dad too, so he is naturally going to get angry and upset and punish her. She calls that too strict if he takes her IPOD away for disrespect. So there I disagree with her, but when she was younger and I had to protect her, I can understand, but my dh is not like that anymore. He does not lay a hand on her. As far as her cousin using her, that is something she will have to learn in life. She cousin only textes her or calls her when she has no friends to call to text too and my dd knows that. They use to be very close and called each other sisters. They grew apart when my sister got a divorce, my niece changed so much and is growing up too fast in my opinion. She does ignore my dd and this upsets her. There is more reasons why she is angry at God, but I think she started all this when my nephew who is now 21 years old stopped going to Mass because he is angry at God because he has learning disablities and has not received his High School diploma yet and can’t take his GED because his reading level is at grade 5. He blames God for the way he was born with all this because he has dyslexia as well. She hears that and now she is angry at God as well.
What is interesting is my niece’s brother, who was abused physically, mentally and sexually by his dad and stepmother for years is not angry at God. He has a lot of anger issues, but he had that before the divorce, it just got worse with the abuse and neglect of his dad and stepmother and the sexual abuse from his stepmother came out of him years later after his dad divorce wife number 2. He is in therapy still. He is not angry at God. He tells me he may be a priest some day. Again, the temperaments are different. His sister did go through this phase my dd is going through and now she is more spiritual. She is even wearing a brown scapular. Both of these kids are my Godchildren. I just hope my dd will also see God is the solution and not the blame.
I try my best to get her to have fun in things we can’t do. The youth group recently went to Animal Kingdom and I told her to go. She didn’t want to go. I told her this was a chance that she can go on rides that her father and I can’t go on. She went and had a blast. Her friends and her went on a roller coaster ride that they didn’t want to go on, but tried it and loved it. So she does have some friends, but just doesn’t see them daily. She also has four pen pals and one she loves so much they are constantly texting.
I feel bad for my disabilities. Oh yes, the thing she said she is angriest the most is that she is the only child. I could not have any more children due to my back pain and in fact after my dd’s birth, I underwent two back surgeries totaling three. I always wanted a large family. I see an infant at church and cry sometimes, so I know how she feels there, but I am not angry at God for it.
Pray for my dd, please. Thanks again for all your wonderful advice. I know that so much of it my dh needs to hear it and we had a long talk last night and he will try to be better with her. Thanks.
She was crying as she told me all this. I think she was very confused because I first she told she didn’t believe in God, but then she said she prays to Him. That is when I asked if she was angry at Him because she mentioned it before in therapy. As far as ugly, if you could see her she is not ugly. She is beautiful. She is only a little overweight for her age and height, so she is not really fat, but she looks at others and compares too much especially her skinny cousin who is 15 years old. As to the no friends, that is because she is shy. When she was in the co-op for homeschoolers, the other girls would try to talk to her, but she only made friends with one and that was it. This other girl is a social butterfly and so she knew other girls and was popular. So when she ignored my dd, she would get upset, but I would tell her to go with her and talk to the other girls. Even when she was in public school and private school for the first 3 grades, she only had one friend. The teachers said she was shy. I was that way too in school. She is an introvert. I am reading the book, The Terperament that God has given you. I decided to read this to understand my dd and my dh. He is an extrovert. My dd has a beautiful voice and was in children’s choir and I liked that because she socialized with her peers, but when it came to eight grade and how much she has grown in her body, she looks like a High Schooler and she did not want to join the grade 2 to 8 group choir. So a Catholic parish near us, but we are not parishioners there, had a teen choir, I asked her to consider joining. They would take her because she was confirmed already. She did not want to join because of fear with others about her age group. I made her do it anyway. She is making friends there, but very slowly. They do talk to her, but she says she doesn’t know what to say. Tonight was choir practice, she didn’t want to go. She does sing this Sunday. That is the only time she sings in church is with the choir. She stopped singing with us in seventh grade. I don’t know why except as she said the anger.
As far as having two disabled parents, that is true and we are physically unable to do so much with her and she recents that, but we can’t do anything about it. The counselor only said she had to accept us as we are. I tell her to pray for our healing. Her dad is improving, but it goes both way. She yells at her dad too, so he is naturally going to get angry and upset and punish her. She calls that too strict if he takes her IPOD away for disrespect. So there I disagree with her, but when she was younger and I had to protect her, I can understand, but my dh is not like that anymore. He does not lay a hand on her. As far as her cousin using her, that is something she will have to learn in life. She cousin only textes her or calls her when she has no friends to call to text too and my dd knows that. They use to be very close and called each other sisters. They grew apart when my sister got a divorce, my niece changed so much and is growing up too fast in my opinion. She does ignore my dd and this upsets her. There is more reasons why she is angry at God, but I think she started all this when my nephew who is now 21 years old stopped going to Mass because he is angry at God because he has learning disablities and has not received his High School diploma yet and can’t take his GED because his reading level is at grade 5. He blames God for the way he was born with all this because he has dyslexia as well. She hears that and now she is angry at God as well.
What is interesting is my niece’s brother, who was abused physically, mentally and sexually by his dad and stepmother for years is not angry at God. He has a lot of anger issues, but he had that before the divorce, it just got worse with the abuse and neglect of his dad and stepmother and the sexual abuse from his stepmother came out of him years later after his dad divorce wife number 2. He is in therapy still. He is not angry at God. He tells me he may be a priest some day. Again, the temperaments are different. His sister did go through this phase my dd is going through and now she is more spiritual. She is even wearing a brown scapular. Both of these kids are my Godchildren. I just hope my dd will also see God is the solution and not the blame.
I try my best to get her to have fun in things we can’t do. The youth group recently went to Animal Kingdom and I told her to go. She didn’t want to go. I told her this was a chance that she can go on rides that her father and I can’t go on. She went and had a blast. Her friends and her went on a roller coaster ride that they didn’t want to go on, but tried it and loved it. So she does have some friends, but just doesn’t see them daily. She also has four pen pals and one she loves so much they are constantly texting.
I feel bad for my disabilities. Oh yes, the thing she said she is angriest the most is that she is the only child. I could not have any more children due to my back pain and in fact after my dd’s birth, I underwent two back surgeries totaling three. I always wanted a large family. I see an infant at church and cry sometimes, so I know how she feels there, but I am not angry at God for it.
Pray for my dd, please. Thanks again for all your wonderful advice. I know that so much of it my dh needs to hear it and we had a long talk last night and he will try to be better with her. Thanks.
) so maybe I can offer some perspective. Firstly your daughter is completely normal. She is struggling with a few things that are completely normal for her age. Teen years are the time when people start to take religion into their own hands. They slowly learn to accept God because they want to not because their parents are religious. Not that you should let it go of control completely but now is the time to slowly let go. You can accept that she will have to become independant physically one day. She will have to become independant spiritually one day as well.