Teenager falling away

[Mom4U]

Just as you think you have parenting figured out, something new comes up. My teenage daughter (15-1/2 years old) has attended a Catholic school since the first grade. She is now finishing her sophomore year at a Catholic high school. Her father has recently become Catholic and we practice by attending Mass weekly, praying as a family and generally being involved at our parish. We thought we were leading by example, but I wonder how this has come about. She recently confided in me that, although she isn’t an atheist, she believes she is more agnostic. WHAT? How could this be. She says she doesn’t discount there is a God, but thinks she believes in an upper being or power. She questions whether there is a God. “Why must I believe what you believe, Mother?” She hates to attend Mass, Youth Group and discuss “religion” with us. While most of her time is spent at School or Home, the internet seems to be a bigger part of her world. She doesn’t necessarily go out with friends, as this isn’t a big part of her world either. Almost detached from friends when things get too close – has been this way since she’s been 5. Like she doesn’t want to get hurt, yet I can’t think of a time where she might have gotten hurt and wants to avoid. Are there any other parents out there searching for help for their LOST teen?

Mom4U

 

[puzzleannie]

Mom4U:

Just as you think you have parenting figured out, something new She questions whether there is a God. “Why must I believe what you believe, Mother?” She hates to attend Mass, Youth Group and discuss “religion” … Are there any other parents out there searching for help for their LOST teen?

Mom4U

first questions that come to mind - you are doing the right thing, evaluating this latest development in light of her personality and experience. i would ask further: is she really sharing a deeply held feeling or pushing your buttons, perhaps in reaction to father’s recent conversion?
what is going on at school, CCD, youth group whatever that may make her hate the place, the group, the leadership, her peers there, and radiate that to the whole church and its doctrine?

my instinct, as a parent of teens, and working with teens, is that statements like this are usually not about God, belief, church etc. but reflections of what is going in in her life, and her attempt to deal with them, a sort of denial if you will, of a painful situation.

 

[Lillith]

Agnostic? Maybe she’s using the wrong term? An agnostic doesn’t really know if there is a God…

In any case, I would get her a book, the one I read when I was unsure called Life after Life. It is written by a Medical doctor by the name of Raymond A Moody. He worked with terminally ill patients, helping to ease their suffering, and while working heard many, many near death experiences. He quit his full time job to study the phennomena, and wrote a book about his findings.

It is a good start anyway…the guy was of no religious persuasion, totally scientific, and so I for one knew I wasn’t hearing the same 'ol same from a believer…

Good Luck and God Bless
Lillith

 

[Mac6yver]

Lillith:

Agnostic? Maybe she’s using the wrong term? An agnostic doesn’t really know if there is a God…

Not true. An Agnostic can be one of two things. A person who questions whether God exist, or a person who questions what God is. I am the latter of the two.

 

[Lillith]

Mac6yver:

Not true. An Agnostic can be one of two things. A person who questions whether God exist, or a person who questions what God is. I am the latter of the two.

Thankyou for clearing that up for me …I was the former of the two

 

[Viki59]

This may actually be a good sign. … she has decided her childish belief system that she learned from her parents isn’t enough, and is honest enough to admit it.
Many if not most people have to find their own beliefs. What I would not let her do is stop going to mass. Give her C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, and some other good books, like *Life after Life. * (Lewis is not Catholic, but lays out very clearly how we know there is a God.) Mark Shea has some good books too, entertaining as well as enlightening.
As long as she’s under your roof, she has to attend mass and confession.
Given the good foundation she has, she will come to her own faith by her own paths and God’s grace.

 

[speedy5]

not to hijack the thread, but i know alot ot teens, and people my age (20’s) that say they’re spiritual, but not religious. it’s the trendy thing to say now.

 

[kage_ar]

I loudly second the advice to give her Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”. Heck, he WAS an athiest before conversion

For my niece, I found a beautiful “Mere Christianity” Journal. It takes key elements of the book, presents questions and has journal space after that. I found it at a Barnes and Noble/B Dalton store.

 

[WhatMeWorry]

Is it possible your daughter is just saying this to “punch your buttons?” Is she questioning other aspects of your moral and social values, besides the religious ones?

She’s probably going through the usual teen rebellion. All teens have to figure out and accept for themselves what will be the value system that they will have for their adult years. In other words, they don’t accept faith or anything else on face value just because that’s what they were raised with, or because mom and dad say so. They question everything to the point of driving you batty. Sometimes teens go in the opposite direction for awhile, exploring different options before coming back to what they’ve been raised with (and sometimes they don’t). And, often they will espouse a different view just to get a rise out of the parents. It’s all part of becoming an adult.

Continue to lead by your example, but give her a little room to figure it all out in her head. Although she still needs to attend mass with you, let her know it’s okay to have questions about her faith (hey, even Thomas was a doubter, for a while!) and don’t force any opinions on her (as in, “As long as you live in this house, you’re going to believe in God and that’s that!” kind of thing). Let her know that God understands what she’s going through and she can offer up her doubts and questions to Him. Encourage her to go to Adoration. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage her to talk with other adults if she’s comfortable with that–perhaps her youth group leader or other young adults that she might look up to.

 

[Fashina86]

kage_ar:

I loudly second the advice to give her Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”. Heck, he WAS an athiest before conversion

For my niece, I found a beautiful “Mere Christianity” Journal. It takes key elements of the book, presents questions and has journal space after that. I found it at a Barnes and Noble/B Dalton store.

I second it too! That book is brilliant. It shows the struggles of conversion and will be a reminder to her about the importance of faith.

 

[khkhk]

Mom4U:

Just as you think you have parenting figured out, something new comes up. My teenage daughter (15-1/2 years old) has attended a Catholic school since the first grade. She is now finishing her sophomore year at a Catholic high school. Her father has recently become Catholic and we practice by attending Mass weekly, praying as a family and generally being involved at our parish. We thought we were leading by example, but I wonder how this has come about. She recently confided in me that, although she isn’t an atheist, she believes she is more agnostic. WHAT? How could this be. She says she doesn’t discount there is a God, but thinks she believes in an upper being or power. She questions whether there is a God. “Why must I believe what you believe, Mother?” She hates to attend Mass, Youth Group and discuss “religion” with us. While most of her time is spent at School or Home, the internet seems to be a bigger part of her world. She doesn’t necessarily go out with friends, as this isn’t a big part of her world either. Almost detached from friends when things get too close – has been this way since she’s been 5. Like she doesn’t want to get hurt, yet I can’t think of a time where she might have gotten hurt and wants to avoid. Are there any other parents out there searching for help for their LOST teen?

Mom4U

Coming from a teen, (though I am not your “normal” teen)
Maybe you could see if she could go to a TEC retreat or something like that to maybe redraw her back to the faith. Plus, she has the total wrong mind set. Catholicism shouldn’t be just “religion” and “religion” only. It should focus more on loving God, knowing that He loves her so much, and if she is afraid of close relationships and whatnot, that God will never abandon her and that she has all the saints as helpers to her and that her best friend who cares for her day in and day out, (who was created by God) is her guardian angel. Maybe she just needs the reassurance that God is always there for her??? That is just an idea.

 

[misericordie]

Mom4U:

Just as you think you have parenting figured out, something new comes up. My teenage daughter (15-1/2 years old) has attended a Catholic school since the first grade. She is now finishing her sophomore year at a Catholic high school. Her father has recently become Catholic and we practice by attending Mass weekly, praying as a family and generally being involved at our parish. We thought we were leading by example, but I wonder how this has come about. She recently confided in me that, although she isn’t an atheist, she believes she is more agnostic. WHAT? How could this be. She says she doesn’t discount there is a God, but thinks she believes in an upper being or power. She questions whether there is a God. “Why must I believe what you believe, Mother?” She hates to attend Mass, Youth Group and discuss “religion” with us. While most of her time is spent at School or Home, the internet seems to be a bigger part of her world. She doesn’t necessarily go out with friends, as this isn’t a big part of her world either. Almost detached from friends when things get too close – has been this way since she’s been 5. Like she doesn’t want to get hurt, yet I can’t think of a time where she might have gotten hurt and wants to avoid. Are there any other parents out there searching for help for their LOST teen?

Mom4U

These are the so called “catholic” schools of NOW in some diocese. While they continue to hire NON catholics to teach, out of political correctness, these are in the position to teach religion to the students. hence, can you just imagine what type of things they are teaching? Also, the principals could care less many times, and the pastors and bishops even less. Now, when a good orthodox pastor tries to fix his school by making it Catholic, he is then taken to task by the bishop, or the NON cathoic teachers. WOW!!! Where are the real Catholic Schools? Oh yes, here in the USA=only the Opus dei ones or those run by the Legion of Christ are real. Though some in certain American dioceses are Catholic. The dioceses? Denver, and Lincoln Nebraska. Now these are Catholic.