Teenager needing guidance with explaining chastity

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CatholicGirl10

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I am 16, and have met a guy that I really like. He is religious, but not Catholic. I don’t know what his views are on chastity (and YES, I will ask before getting into a relationship). If we do get into a relationship, I’d like to know how to explain to him/let him know my views on chastity, particularly how to explain that I don’t condone making out out of marriage, since that is such a commonplace occurance in teenage relationships these days. Does anyone have any ideas?

And I know many of you will say that it is better to get into a relationship with a Catholic, but I almost see it as a good thing that I’m not, because I have a chance to introduce someone that already loves God to my religion.
 
First thing, when you say he is religious, what do you mean?

Do you mean that he is
  1. an active practicing Baptist, who attends services 3 times each week and goes on mission trips with the youth group over spring break,
  2. “I believe there is a higher power, but, I don’t need any rules and can worship God here in front of my Nintendo”
  3. something in between.
Knowing that will help point you toward proper resources.

If he is like guy number one, he will have been taught the same thing as you about chastity before marriage.
 
kage_ar said:
First thing, when you say he is religious, what do you mean?

Do you mean that he is
  1. an active practicing Baptist, who attends services 3 times each week and goes on mission trips with the youth group over spring break,
  2. “I believe there is a higher power, but, I don’t need any rules and can worship God here in front of my Nintendo”
  3. something in between.
Knowing that will help point you toward proper resources.

If he is like guy number one, he will have been taught the same thing as you about chastity before marriage.
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Something in between. Goes to a Missionary chruch every Sunday, doesn’t swear, take the Lord’s name in vain, sneak out, etc.
 
Okay, seems that the Missionary Church does believe in abortion (that is sad), but they are against smoking, drinking, cursing, gambling and pornography.

They do not permit marriage between their members and “unbelievers” - so, it would be good to find out if they put Catholics in that category…

They appear to be a conservative Evangelical/Pentecostal group. It is likely he has been taught to reserve sex and sexual practice until marriage, and that he has been taught the importance of Chastity.

He should understand the Pure Love Club information.

For your own study, I’d suggest Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Teens.

BTW, here is a link to what your friend’s church teaches:

mcusa.org/about.asp?pi=388&ps=394

mcusa.org/about.asp?pi=388&ps=389
 
CathoilcGirl10

Its pretty easy just to tell him, “I don’t think two people should make out until they are married.”

The real question is why are you dating this boy? What type of relationship are you hoping to have? Make that clear to him. “I don’t think we should get physical to the point of making out out of respect to each other’s dignity and chastity, and it would compromise the goal of our relationship, which is X (perhaps to enjoy each others company in outings together, entertaining each other.)”
 
I_A said:
CathoilcGirl10

Its pretty easy just to tell him, “I don’t think two people should make out until they are married.”

The real question is why are you dating this boy? What type of relationship are you hoping to have? Make that clear to him. “I don’t think we should get physical to the point of making out out of respect to each other’s dignity and chastity, and it would compromise the goal of our relationship, which is X (perhaps to enjoy each others company in outings together, entertaining each other.)”
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Agreed. Make sure you avoid ALL near occasions of sin in case he tries to “convince” you otherwise in other ways.
 
kage_ar said:
Okay, seems that the Missionary Church does believe in abortion (that is sad), but they are against smoking, drinking, cursing, gambling and pornography.

They do not permit marriage between their members and “unbelievers” - so, it would be good to find out if they put Catholics in that category…

They appear to be a conservative Evangelical/Pentecostal group. It is likely he has been taught to reserve sex and sexual practice until marriage, and that he has been taught the importance of Chastity.

He should understand the Pure Love Club information.

For your own study, I’d suggest Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Teens.

BTW, here is a link to what your friend’s church teaches:

mcusa.org/about.asp?pi=388&ps=394

mcusa.org/about.asp?pi=388&ps=389
Click to expand...
OT, but how do you get from that link that they believe in abortion?
 
savienu said:
OT, but how do you get from that link that they believe in abortion?
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The big enough to drive a Mac truck through “health” clause:

“At the same time, we recognize certain medical conditions which pose a serious threat to the life of the mother and which may necessitate therapeutic abortion. In these cases, the decision for abortion should be made only after there has been medical, psychological and spiritual counseling of the most sensitive kind.”
 
“If we do get into a relationship, I’d like to know how to explain to him/let him know my views on chastity, particularly how to explain that I don’t condone making out out of marriage, since that is such a commonplace occurance in teenage relationships these days. Does anyone have any ideas?”

Just tell him straight what you believe in and if he doesn’t have the same views as you do, then don’t bother getting into a relationship with him. If he thinks having sex before marriage is okay, then self-gratification is his priority vs protecting your purity. If you’re afraid to tell him because maybe he’s hawt and you don’t want him to head for the hills… well… then consider what is more important to you: Your commitment to staying pure or this cute guy who wants to rob you of your purity? Just be patient and wait for God to bring the right person to you. He is a generous God and He is never outdone. Be strong and stay pure.
 
CatholicGirl10 said:
And I know many of you will say that it is better to get into a relationship with a Catholic, but I almost see it as a good thing that I’m not, because I have a chance to introduce someone that already loves God to my religion.
Click to expand...
If he already shares your views, it is not as much of a problem. If he does NOT already share your views, and his introduction to the Catholic Church is that he has a girlfriend that he can’t touch, then that is about the fastest way to push someone as far away from the Catholic Church as possible.

I would recommend that you ask him HIS views on chastity, before you tell him yours. If he doesn’t share them, then he is not for you, and you don’t even need to bother sharing your views.

If you don’t even know his views on relationships/marriage, you shouldn’t decide that you “like” him already. You should make that a priority non-negotiable criteria, and realize that you are not likely to change those views by dating him(as doing such will in and of itself suggest to him that you don’t hold those views very strongly.)

If you want to lead a Protestant to the Catholic Church, I’d recommend that you debunk Sola-Scriptura, debunk any lies or misconceptions he may have heard about the Catholic Church, introduce him to the Early Church Fathers’ writings, and show him through Scripture that the Church has the authority, NOT the Bible alone. You also need to pray, and hope that he is open to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Dating that boy, however, is NOT the way to do it, UNLESS he is a casual, lukewarm, cafeteria Protestant who will do anything for a girl, but if that is the case, the odds of him sharing your views on relationships and marriage are EXTREMELY unlikely, and therefore he is not for you.
 
I can’t exactly imagine the conversation where you would just state that you are saving yourself for marriage…but it should be obvious by the way you talk and dress and how you don’t have time “alone” and isolated away from people with this boy.

I’d like you to think about why are you considering “getting into a relationship” when you are just 16.

If you’re not old enough to get married, you’re not old enough to “date.” If you are old enough to consider getting married, then you take the necessary precautions in addition to discussing your religious / moral beliefs about intimacy before marriage.

Then, you don’t date one-on-one for the most part, until you are engaged (ie., a ring and a date) to be married. And even then, you have to be vigilant in avoiding “occasions of sin.”

Also, if your faith is important to you why consider getting close to a boy who is a member of a Protestant sect? You may also want to find out what that group thinks about the Catholic Church. You may be suprised to discover how many sects are very anti-Catholic.

I’m sure you are very well meaning and don’t think you could ever be tempted from your faith – but romance is very heady stuff, and the sweet boy who seems so serious about religion, can turn in a second when the temptations present themselves.

Don’t put yourselves into this predicament at such a young, vulnerable age.

“The fool faces temptation. The wise man runs away.”
 
MarksWife said:
I can’t exactly imagine the conversation where you would just state that you are saving yourself for marriage…but it should be obvious by the way you talk and dress and how you don’t have time “alone” and isolated away from people with this boy.

I’d like you to think about why are you considering “getting into a relationship” when you are just 16.

If you’re not old enough to get married, you’re not old enough to “date.” If you are old enough to consider getting married, then you take the necessary precautions in addition to discussing your religious / moral beliefs about intimacy before marriage.
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I completely agree with Mark’s Wife.

But that doesn’t always stop even God-fearing teenagers from dating.

I agree with the earlier poster who suggested Theology of the Body for Teens. I purchased the book resources, and I really like them. I didn’t think my 14 yr olds were old enough for it, but one of them picked it up when he was bored and asked if he could answer one of the questionnaires in it on “Are you a Lover, or a User?”

So, it is TEEN FRIENDLY.

When I was dating when I was in my twenties, I told the guys flat out that they might end up being someone else’s wife, and I didn’t want them to be unfaithful to their future wife, if it wasn’t me.

Sure helps knowing that, when I see them with their wife and children at Church on Sundays. :eek:

Odds are, that you won’t be marrying this guy you’re interested in when you’re 16.

Statistics prove out that the earlier you get involved in one-on-one dating, the earlier you become sexually active. Is that really a risk you need to take when you are only 16?
 
CatholicGirl10 said:
I am 16, and have met a guy that I really like. He is religious, but not Catholic. I don’t know what his views are on chastity (and YES, I will ask before getting into a relationship). If we do get into a relationship, I’d like to know how to explain to him/let him know my views on chastity, particularly how to explain that I don’t condone making out out of marriage, since that is such a commonplace occurance in teenage relationships these days. Does anyone have any ideas?
Click to expand...
How about, “Look at the pretty chastity ring my Daddy gave me for my Sweet Sixteen!” (Or how ever and when ever you got it.)

“Yeah, it’s pretty. What’s a chastity ring?” (Or, what does “chastity” mean, or whatever else comes into his head to ask about that.

“It’s a promise to God that I will remain a virgin until I get married, and keep my thoughts pure for all of my life.”

🙂
 
CatholicGirl10 said:
I am 16, and have met a guy that I really like. He is religious, but not Catholic. I don’t know what his views are on chastity (and YES, I will ask before getting into a relationship). If we do get into a relationship, I’d like to know how to explain to him/let him know my views on chastity, particularly how to explain that I don’t condone making out out of marriage, since that is such a commonplace occurance in teenage relationships these days. Does anyone have any ideas?

And I know many of you will say that it is better to get into a relationship with a Catholic, but I almost see it as a good thing that I’m not, because I have a chance to introduce someone that already loves God to my religion.
Click to expand...
This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but don’t get too involved. You’re 16, and don’t need the ‘heavy drama’ of a romantic relationship right now. You have the rest of your life for that. Focus on school, preparing for college, staying faithful to your religion and family. Hang in there.
 
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