Teens and Pre-teens asking tough questions about society--how to respond?

[Giannawannabe]

Those of you who have had teens/preteens or have them now…how do you discuss matters such as homosexuality, abortion, co-habitation, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, etc.??

My kids and I have been having numerous discussions regarding these issues lately. I try to keep things in the framework of “hate the sin, love the sinner” . I explain why certain lifestyles/choices are not in line with God’s will. How we need to pray for people that make these choices. I tell them that many people do not know God’s love for them, and try to find other ways to find joy and happiness;but that only true joy and happiness can come from God.

It’s amazing how much kids know these days. Even when I homeschooled, my kids heard and saw things from neighbor kids and on TV.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone would like to share their experience in trying to raise Godly teens, Thanks!

 

[leaner]

My mom always presented these issues in a “free will” kind of way – the gift of free will, and how we choose to use it. The Devil is alive and well, and constantly battling for our souls – some of us realize it and try to thwart his attempts with good decisions and trust in God, others aren’t aware the options exist to fight evil. (Not that they’re dumb or sinners or whatever, but that they don’t necessarily know or don’t believe that those particular behaviors are worth fighting against, etc.) We are blessed that we have the guidance to make the decisions God would want us to, and we should pray for those who aren’t privvy to that information, and offer it when possible…

 

[Lillith]

You are doing good…I do the same. I try to explain how painful the lifestyle is also.

My two older children (12, 15) are totally homophobic(Normal at this age), and so I noticed I have to tilt the conversation to compassion, and hate the sin not the sinner as you said. We discuss all the various ways someone could become confused sexually…child abuse, environmental, society’s acceptance of (it is considered “en vogue” in some places today)…and the few instances that a person could be born confused…such as the case as when a person is born with both male and female reproductive organs. Mainly we discuss the huge cross they must bare

Unfortunately…some of my siblings co-habitat. It has turned out to be a good teaching mechanism…because they are having hard lives. They break-up and move to the next…lose belongings and time…and are quite miserable…and I say see…God does not want that for us. In all these instances and many others you can say look how sad they are…God wants us happy, and so we live the way He would have us…and we’ll have the best chance at happiness.

 

[Micah]

As a parent of both teens and a few pre-teens, I have started to have these discussions when the kids first start to ask the questions. I like to supply Biblical back ground and Church teaching as a foundation to what we believe, live and teach. It might be easier being a home schooling family. There have been several times when the issues have been “brought home” by the life styles of family members. We discussed this as oppenly as possiable, given the age and development level of the child. This has also made for some very interesting family discussions when we were visiting family members who choose a lifestyle not in keeping with the teachings of the Church. Tis has presented an opportunity for our children to whitness to those family members.

I hope this helps.

 

[YinYangMom]

I’ve basically done it the way you are doing it.

The first step is not to react shocked and angry when the teen divulges something like that…it’s hard to contain one’s dismay over having to deal with the issue, but it’s necessary because the kids watch our body language closely.

But yeah, basically I let them share whatever they have to talk about without reacting negatively. It’s important to get the whole story - under what circumstances the topic came up, who were the people involved, how did they respond, how did my child respond, etc…from there I’m able to comment on the specific situation/players and then the general topic - and always from the catholic standpoint.

I do let them know “this is the Catholic teaching on this and why”, I then remind them that as Catholics, they are called to live their faith so the most important thing for them is not to be swayed by the influences around them, and if an opening exists, be strong enough to present the Church’s view during the discussion. That, I remind them, takes a lot of courage and the work of the Holy Spirit so they should always say a quiet prayer when they find themselves in the middle of conversations/situations like that, and then I assure them they can trust the Spirit will work through them if that’s His will.

I then explain where the secular society is coming from on their positions…I go into a bit of the pop-culture history with them so they can understand why these kids just don’t ‘get it’. I also remind them it’s good parenting which makes all the difference, and that is why marrying the ‘right’ person is so vital (I’m always putting a good plug in when I can about the right dating prospects).

It was a shame my kids starting dealing with the topics you mentioned as early as 6th grade, but they really became challenging by 8th. They’re doing well discerning matters and they are praying more for their friends. They don’t judge them because they recognize their parents aren’t helping much and their other friends are just as ignorant and I think that’s important. They do share their beliefs with the kids when they can. They aren’t admonished for it from them and that’s even better. But so far the kids basically dismiss their advice as “well, he/she’s the Catholic” as if what they say doesn’t apply to them since they aren’t Catholic. Still, it has helped me see that my kids are developing well - morally and with regard to their Catholicism…and it makes me proud to see them grow deeper in their faith because of their friends instead of drifting away from it.

One thing is certain with my kids’ friends - they do acknowledge how happy and secure my kids are, that they are at peace, don’t stress out, don’t get angry, don’t seem to have any worries like they do. On a few occasions they’ve asked why and they’ve responded it’s because of their faith in God. Example really is the best form of communication, imo.

 

[Giannawannabe]

leaner:

My mom always presented these issues in a “free will” kind of way – the gift of free will, and how we choose to use it. The Devil is alive and well, and constantly battling for our souls – some of us realize it and try to thwart his attempts with good decisions and trust in God, others aren’t aware the options exist to fight evil. (Not that they’re dumb or sinners or whatever, but that they don’t necessarily know or don’t believe that those particular behaviors are worth fighting against, etc.) We are blessed that we have the guidance to make the decisions God would want us to, and we should pray for those who aren’t privvy to that information, and offer it when possible…

LOL-----I used the “Devil battling for our souls” yesterday with my daughter, leaner!!! My mother always told me that—I had forgotten it. Thanks!!!

 

[Giannawannabe]

YinYangMom:

I’ve basically done it the way you are doing it.

The first step is not to react shocked and angry when the teen divulges something like that…it’s hard to contain one’s dismay over having to deal with the issue, but it’s necessary because the kids watch our body language closely.

One thing is certain with my kids’ friends - they do acknowledge how happy and secure my kids are, that they are at peace, don’t stress out, don’t get angry, don’t seem to have any worries like they do. On a few occasions they’ve asked why and they’ve responded it’s because of their faith in God. Example really is the best form of communication, imo.

YYM–that’s the hard part—not reacting shocked and angry!!! I’ve been getting better at it though. I think of how my mother responded to me—she just told me that I shouldn’t “think of those things” and ended conversations. I simply can’t do that with my kids. They need to hear the truth from me, and know they can trust me.

That is so encouraging that your kids’ friends see how happy your kids are, and that your kids tell them it’s due to their faith. How proud that must make you!

 

[Giannawannabe]

Lillith:

Unfortunately…some of my siblings co-habitat. It has turned out to be a good teaching mechanism…because they are having hard lives. They break-up and move to the next…lose belongings and time…and are quite miserable…and I say see…God does not want that for us. In all these instances and many others you can say look how sad they are…God wants us happy, and so we live the way He would have us…and we’ll have the best chance at happiness.

Yes. It’s so difficult when the bad examples children are exposed to are right in our own families!!! How wonderful that you turn these situations into “teaching moments”.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Micah:

As a parent of both teens and a few pre-teens, I have started to have these discussions when the kids first start to ask the questions. I like to supply Biblical back ground and Church teaching as a foundation to what we believe, live and teach. I hope this helps.

I like this one. To supply Biblical back ground. I better study up!!!

 

[YinYangMom]

Giannawannabe:

YYM–that’s the hard part—not reacting shocked and angry!!! I’ve been getting better at it though. I think of how my mother responded to me—she just told me that I shouldn’t “think of those things” and ended conversations. I simply can’t do that with my kids. They need to hear the truth from me, and know they can trust me.

That is so encouraging that your kids’ friends see how happy your kids are, and that your kids tell them it’s due to their faith. How proud that must make you!

And I came from a home where I wouldn’t have dreamed to bring certain topics up to my parents because I believed they would have over reacted. I, too, didn’t want to be that way for my kids. I remember all too well the type of curiosity which creeps in with hormones, but I also remember at the time I wasn’t so curious about scientific details as much as is it ok or not, so when it came time for my kids I would ask if they wanted the detailed answer or just some guidance. Fortunately, it was mostly guidance because the details they were getting from school anyway - they just didn’t know how to process the information they were receiving. So that was great because the Church has THE best perspective and guidelines for that! I didn’t have to know all the answers - I just needed to look them up and point them in the right direction. What a relief!

I take no real credit for my kids’ being strong enough to credit their happiness to their faith to their peers, all credit is due to Mary, Our Mother and the Holy Spirit. I pray to them frequently to help me get my kids through this crucial and fragile time of their development. But, thank you for the compliment.