Tell future spouse about past unfaithfulness?

[Bentaa44]

Hi everyone,

I think I’ve ultimately decided I want to join the Church, but there are some things I want to try to get clarification on first. This question has been pressing me for the last few days.

I was married once. She was a non-practicing Catholic. From everything I know, people I’ve talked to, our marriage is considered invalid and I would be free to marry within the Church (after going through the necessary process). A bit of backstory: I had sent/received texts and pictures with some women during my marriage. Most of this happened while drunk. My spouse never knew, and I’ve ceased communication with those women and have sobered up.

My question is a bit hypothetical: In the future, If I was to meet a great Catholic woman whom I want to marry and have children with, am I required to tell her about the times I was unfaithful to a previous partner, even if I’ve corrected my behavior for years afterwards? I am worried already about finding a good Catholic woman who would accept that I have previously been married, and now I’ve been worrying about this a great deal recently too. Not that I don’t want to be 100% honest with this hypothetical woman, but I also don’t want to drive her away either.

Any advice or concrete teachings?

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

My question is a bit hypothetical: In the future, If I was to meet a great Catholic woman whom I want to marry and have children with, am I required to tell her about the times I was unfaithful to a previous partner, even if I’ve corrected my behavior for years afterwards?

No, you’re not obligated to tell her. She’ll have stuff in her past she’s not proud of too, presumably, “great Catholic woman”’ or not. Everyone messes up in some way or another.

I’m glad you’ve got your drinking under control and recognize that that behavior was wrong. Good luck moving forward.

 

[Bentaa44]

Thank you.

I recognized they were wrong at the time, too. Guess the guilt just didn’t set in for awhile.

 

[Irishmom2]

From everything I know, people I’ve talked to, our marriage is considered invalid

No, you have no way of knowing this and neither do people you’ve talked to unless you means a priest. I suggest you talk to your priest and get some answers before you find the person you want to marry. Go through the process now and don’t wait until you meet someone you want to marry.

Be married and having an annulment would not bother most women. Just being divorced may. It would be better to clear up any questions beforehand.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You’re not “required” as in required by the Church to talk about stuff that went on in a past marriage or relationship with a new person you meet/ date.

You ARE “required” by the Church to have an annulment or whatever official documentation of your marriage being invalid that you might need, in order to be free to date, so please do deal with that right now before you start trying to meet and date new ladies.

After you’ve made sure you’re free to date, and you’ve developed the kind of relationship with a new lady that might possibly involve talking about your past, then it’s up to you and her how much you share with each other. Obviously you should tell her that you were married before but it was annulled or otherwise declared invalid by the Church. Details beyond that, some people are fine with hearing, including the negative stuff, and others would be very put off. It depends on the woman you meet. So don’t go spilling everything to her unless you’re sure she wants to hear it and isn’t going to be upset by heairng it.

 

[Elf01]

I was married once. She was a non-practicing Catholic. From everything I know, people I’ve talked to, our marriage is considered invalid and I would be free to marry within the Church (after going through the necessary process). A bit of backstory: I had sent/received texts and pictures with some women during my marriage. Most of this happened while drunk. My spouse never knew, and I’ve ceased communication with those women and have sobered up.

If she asks you shouldn’tvlie to her (I would ask).