Telling a Lie: Has It Gone Too Far?

[Hayes91]

Hi everyone,

I recently got a job as a theology teacher. There’s a big issue: I technically live with my fiance. The circumstances are sad and unique: we are chaste and have separate rooms, but I moved in with him a few months ago due to familial abuse. My school certainly doesn’t know this, and definitely wouldn’t allow it if it became known; I even imagine firing me wouldn’t be out of the question. It’s only for a few months until we get married [then we will stay where we are but be open about it], and at this point, it doesn’t make sense logistically or financially to move out when we are going to be married shortly.

However, as I am a theology teacher and also run retreats/help with campus ministry, my older students often come to me for advice. A few have asked about chastity both in general and in my life, and I’ve told them that my fiance and I are waiting for marriage; I think it’s a good witness for them. But a few have then asked if we live together–I said no. I felt it was too complicated to explain our situation PLUS I don’t want to lose my job. Did I do the wrong thing?

 

[Mary888]

White lie. Still a lie but white. You can defend it by the need of bringing a pastoral idea to your students. What we teach is also important not just what we do.
I admit though if I were your student and learned tou were lying I would lose all trust in you. But you can’t fix it now. Let it go and make sure you live by your promises and marry her.

 

[MaryEstelle2]

It is debatable and you will get different opinions. MY opinion is that you are walking on fire and yes, it is wrong. Are you not able to get a cheap single room? Sooner or later a little lie will trip you up. Ask your priest.

 

[gentlemanvalentine]

The best advice I could give is go talk to your priest.

 

[Lou2U]

That’s a tough one. Would you be comfortable in going to the school and explaining your circumstances? Say that you’re 100% committed to Catholic teaching, you are remaining chaste and will do until your wedding in a few months. Also, if you do I would let them know that you initially thought it would keeping it to yourself be fine, especially given the reasoning, but now you are starting to doubt it.

Just a thought. That’s a really tough situation you’re in.

 

[Lara]

Can you move up the marriage date? I would talk to the priest about the situation.

 

[Aquinas11]

Seems to me the worst part is you are actively concealing the truth from your employer since they “definitely wouldn’t allow it if it became known”. So its not just to the students.

Why not just get your own place? Even if its an extra bit each month, it’ll be worth it given that its only for a little bit of time until you’re married PLUS it will relieve you of this moral weight you’re carrying around.

 

[Lee1]

I have often thought how wonderful it would be if I could live according to my concience. What a relief. How at peace I would feel. Then one day I realised that the only reason why I can’t …is me.