Telling children about mental illness

[SamH]

I can’t give you advice from a Christian perspective, but I do have some insight that might be helpful anyway.

At ten he is old enough to be told the basics in a matter of fact way. In middle school he is going to be taught about mental health issues in his health class, and you don’t want someone else to teach your son about your illness, especially when it has impacted him so severely. Be matter of fact, compare it to a physical illness, and let him know that you are being treated and that if for some reason that should cease to be enough there are plenty of other treatment options out there and that you will be ok.

Yes, you might relapse. That’s pretty common with mental illnesses. If he asks let him know that you can’t make any promises about the future but that you will do your very best to stay well and to work with your doctors. But the truth is that none of us know how well we will be tomorrow, physically or mentally. And you need to work out a plan if you do relapse. Find someone stable that he trusts so that he never has to go back to foster care if you get ill again.

Above all, do not make your illness sound evil, or like you did something wrong or have something to be ashamed of. There is a very strong genetic link when it comes to depression, and if you stigmatize it in your own home even though you’ve gone through it your son will be far less likely to seek treatment and care if and when he ever needs it. He needs to know that no matter what he can always get help.

You are making a huge assumption here. That is why I asked what event triggered the placement in foster care - one may have nothing to do with the other.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You are making a huge assumption here. That is why I asked what event triggered the placement in foster care - one may have nothing to do with the other.

I’m not really assuming anything so much as I am trying to answer the question based on the information that I have.

I had to live with my grandma for awhile as a kid because of my mom’s depression. Had she not been available I may have been in foster care myself.

If she is getting custody of her child back it is only charitable to assume that her social worker, a psychologist, and the courts have determined that it would be safe and beneficial for both her and the child. So at that point I don’t really think that there’s anything for us to hash out.

Now if she abused or neglected him they will need to get counseling together, and she is going to make sure that she has a close friend or relative keeping an eye on her long after the court system loses interest.

 

[SamH]

I’m not really assuming anything so much as I am trying to answer the question based on the information that I have.

I had to live with my grandma for awhile as a kid because of my mom’s depression. Had she not been available I may have been in foster care myself.
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Unless I missed it the OP did not say that her child went into foster care due to her depression.

 

[mommamaree]

Unless I missed it the OP did not say that her child went into foster care due to her depression.

Why are you pressing so hard here, SamH?
The professionals involved have determined that returning her son to her and to their home is the best thing for them both at this time?
Her question here was about how to speak with her son about mental illness. She did not ask for advice about whether or not her son should be returned to her.
It seems a bit uncharitable to me to press her for personal details beyond the scope of the question she needs help with.

 

[SamH]

Why are you pressing so hard here, SamH?
The professionals involved have determined that returning her son to her and to their home is the best thing for them both at this time?
Her question here was about how to speak with her son about mental illness. She did not ask for advice about whether or not her son should be returned to her.
It seems a bit uncharitable to me to press her for personal details beyond the scope of the question she needs help with.

Because I’ve dealt (dealing) with those professionals and have little or no faith in their judgement. What the child has gone through for the last 6 months has to be taken into account when discussing a topic like this.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Because I’ve dealt (dealing) with those professionals and have little or no faith in their judgement. What the child has gone through for the last 6 months has to be taken into account when discussing a topic like this.

Your opinion of the people who are placing her son back with her is not relevant, and it is uncharitable to assume that they are making a mistake. She didn’t ask how to talk to him about foster care or how to move past whatever it was that resulted in him being there, only how to explain her depression.

That leaves us with two charitable assumptions. Either her depression is what resulted in the placement in which case her question is a good one. Or, something else caused the placement and she’s asking about this because the other stuff is already being addressed.

 

[SamH]

Your opinion of the people who are placing her son back with her is not relevant, and it is uncharitable to assume that they are making a mistake. She didn’t ask how to talk to him about foster care or how to move past whatever it was that resulted in him being there, only how to explain her depression.

That leaves us with two charitable assumptions. Either her depression is what resulted in the placement in which case her question is a good one. Or, something else caused the placement and she’s asking about this because the other stuff is already being addressed.

Why not remove the assumptions so that more accurate advice can be given?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Why not remove the assumptions so that more accurate advice can be given?

Because for the time being she isn’t on here to give more information. And frankly, I don’t think that we need it to answer the question. Sure there could be a lot left to be said and done in terms of her son and this whole foster care thing, but that’s not what she asked about. She asked specifically about how to explain depression to him.

 

[SamH]

Because for the time being she isn’t on here to give more information. And frankly, I don’t think that we need it to answer the question. Sure there could be a lot left to be said and done in terms of her son and this whole foster care thing, but that’s not what she asked about. She asked specifically about how to explain depression to him.

I wonder why she’s concerned about how she should tell him about depression.

 

[mommamaree]

Why not remove the assumptions so that more accurate advice can be given?

As Christians, we are to charitably assume the best motives and intentions about the actions of others. I cannot remember the reference from the Catechism, but I know that teaching is there. Now, of course the OP can tell us more, if she so chooses, but we need to be careful not to jump to conclusions or insinuate anything negative that is not supported by evidence.

 

[mommamaree]

I wonder why she’s concerned about how she should tell him about depression.

Presumably because there is a meeting scheduled, at which she will be present, where her son will be informed of her condition. She wants to prepare for it, having an idea of what to say and how to handle possible questions he might have.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

Presumably because there is a meeting scheduled, at which she will be present, where her son will be informed of her condition. She wants to prepare for it, having an idea of what to say and how to handle possible questions he might have.

This. In her OP she said “Before they return him to me, they want to have a ‘talk’ with him about mental illness.” I read that to mean that the professionals had already scheduled that talk, or were planning to schedule that talk, and she wanted to prepare for it as best she could.

No, not every single piece of information was included in the OP – but aren’t we supposed to be charitable in our assumptions?

 

[SamH]

As Christians, we are to charitably assume the best motives and intentions about the actions of others. .

Agreed.

 

[SamH]

Presumably because there is a meeting scheduled, at which she will be present, where her son will be informed of her condition. She wants to prepare for it, having an idea of what to say and how to handle possible questions he might have.

Agreed. And knowing a few things about the situation the child is in might make that advice better.