Telling fundamentalist family members

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MatthewCrossman

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Okay, so for the past few years I’ve been becoming more and more interested in the Catholic faith. At this point I am finding myself with fewer and fewer objections and am seriously considering attending mass at the local parish and taking things from there.

My problem is, I come from a fundamentalist family. My father is a pastor in an Assemblies of God church; my mother was raised Catholic but left the church in her youth. They are quite reasonable people and I believe far less anti-Catholic than perhaps they were in my early childhood, however I am nervous about telling them of my inclinations.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice in relation to bringing up such matters with protestant family members. Should I wait until I enroll in RCIA…should I drop hints here and there…should I just come out and say it?

By way of further background, I might add my grandparents remain very committed Catholics and whilst my protestant wife does not understand the conclusions I am being drawn to, she remains supportive of my search.

Thanks, Matt.
 
I was in a similar situation myself. Part of my family is Jewish, and I knew they would not be pleased if they found out I was becoming Catholic. Whenever they came to visit, I had to hide my Bible and Catholic books so they would not suspect anything. But one day, I became very frustrated and realized that if Jesus were standing in front of me, He would tell me to concern myself only with the Truth and pleasing Him - not my family. So, I stopped hiding things and proudly posted my religious views on my Facebook profile (instead of being worried that my family would see). Of course, I don’t throw it in their face, but I think they respect the decision I made - even if they don’t agree with it.

I found this verse particularly helpful: "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household. (Matthew 10:34-37)

I guess the hardest thing for me to realize was that Christ would not want us to deny or hide our faith for the sake of keeping the peace in our family.

I hope this helps! God bless. 🙂
 
The best advice I can give you is to pray to the Lord, talk to a priest and be honest with your family. I converted to the Catholic faith when I was 17 when I was baptizied during the time I was going to school in Bennington, VT. I went to mass with the next door neighbor who was Catholic and I just always felt that the Catholic church was where God wanted me to be. My parents knew I felt more Catholic than Anglican. Of course coming from the Anglican church was not as big of difference as the Assembly of God.

My parents weren’t really happy and my mother doesn’t really like the fact but they accept it. They would even go to hear me sing when I sang in the choir. When I was confirmed in 1979 we had a confirmation party.

I have always felt that The Catholic Church is the church God wants me. I have been active in other churches, but the Catholic Church is my church home.

I wish you the best. If you feel like it would be a good idea you might want to invite the Catholic priest you are talking to to dinner with your family one night and he would be there to answer any questions about the faith so that they can better understand the Catholic Faith. I find there are a lot of misunderstanings about what the Catholic Church really believes from other Christians.

Good luck

Chrisy
 
MatthewCrossman said:
Okay, so for the past few years I’ve been becoming more and more interested in the Catholic faith. At this point I am finding myself with fewer and fewer objections and am seriously considering attending mass at the local parish and taking things from there.

My problem is, I come from a fundamentalist family. My father is a pastor in an Assemblies of God church; my mother was raised Catholic but left the church in her youth. They are quite reasonable people and I believe far less anti-Catholic than perhaps they were in my early childhood, however I am nervous about telling them of my inclinations.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice in relation to bringing up such matters with protestant family members. Should I wait until I enroll in RCIA…should I drop hints here and there…should I just come out and say it?

By way of further background, I might add my grandparents remain very committed Catholics and whilst my protestant wife does not understand the conclusions I am being drawn to, she remains supportive of my search.

Thanks, Matt.
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This may or may not have bearing as we can’t know from your post how much study you’ve done so far.

Given the specific background of your parents, I would suggest not telling them you are contemplating entering the Church until you are really well-grounded in Truth and have done some reading in apologetics. Chances are your parents have deeply-held opinions about the Church backed up with lots and lots of Scripture verses. If they think you are considering “poping” but haven’t made a decision or taken any steps into initiation, they may roll out all the big guns to persuade you not to. This could lead to a lot of unpleasant confrontations and, unless you have ready answers, some really uncomfortable moments for you.

Of course if the past couple of years becoming more interested has already included studying people like Alan Schreck, Karl Keating, Scott Hahn and Mark Shea, you may be already prepared for those challenges and able to have civilized discussions rather than defensive arguments. In that case I think I’d take the approach of writing them a short note to let them know that you’ve made this decision, tell them plainly that you are grateful for the solid grounding in Christian faith that they gave you and that you are not rejecting that but embracing the full expression of that faith in the Church. I’d do this in a note rather than face to face because it gives them a chance to keep their immediate reaction to themselves if it’s negative. They may well choose to take a less-antagonistic approach if they have time to think about it. You could also pass along a copy of Alan Schreck’s book if you think it might be helpful . . . .

Blessings upon you as you continue your journey!
 
NHInsider said:
Given the specific background of your parents, I would suggest not telling them you are contemplating entering the Church until you are really well-grounded in Truth and have done some reading in apologetics. Chances are your parents have deeply-held opinions about the Church backed up with lots and lots of Scripture verses. If they think you are considering “poping” but haven’t made a decision or taken any steps into initiation, they may roll out all the big guns to persuade you not to. This could lead to a lot of unpleasant confrontations and, unless you have ready answers, some really uncomfortable moments for you.

Of course if the past couple of years becoming more interested has already included studying people like Alan Schreck, Karl Keating, Scott Hahn and Mark Shea, you may be already prepared for those challenges and able to have civilized discussions rather than defensive arguments. In that case I think I’d take the approach of writing them a short note to let them know that you’ve made this decision, tell them plainly that you are grateful for the solid grounding in Christian faith that they gave you and that you are not rejecting that but embracing the full expression of that faith in the Church…
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Thanks ever so much…some great ideas everybody.

I’ve been reading the work of a number of Catholic apologists, including Scott Hahn, Dave Armstrong etc. and podcasts of CAL are fast clogging up my iPod…I listen to some of them again and again…I just can’t get enough!
 
I waited to tell my parents until after my baptism and confirmation but now I kind of regret it. I was nervous just like you: both my dad and stepmom previously expressed anti-Catholic sentiments as they are both fundamentalists too. When I eventually told them, they seemed kind of disappointed; they weren’t yelling like I thought they would. They gave me the impression that they would liked to have been there for my baptism and that they were hurt that I didn’t have the trust in them to tell them sooner.

I recommend you wait until you are absolutely ready to tell them, but do it as fast as you can (does that make sense?). You really don’t know how your parents will react and this may be something they would actually want to be a part of.
 
damooster said:
I waited to tell my parents until after my baptism and confirmation but now I kind of regret it. I was nervous just like you: both my dad and stepmom previously expressed anti-Catholic sentiments as they are both fundamentalists too. When I eventually told them, they seemed kind of disappointed; they weren’t yelling like I thought they would. They gave me the impression that they would liked to have been there for my baptism and that they were hurt that I didn’t have the trust in them to tell them sooner.

I recommend you wait until you are absolutely ready to tell them, but do it as fast as you can (does that make sense?). You really don’t know how your parents will react and this may be something they would actually want to be a part of.
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That’s a really good point.
 
damooster said:
I waited to tell my parents until after my baptism and confirmation but now I kind of regret it. I was nervous just like you: both my dad and stepmom previously expressed anti-Catholic sentiments as they are both fundamentalists too. When I eventually told them, they seemed kind of disappointed; they weren’t yelling like I thought they would. They gave me the impression that they would liked to have been there for my baptism and that they were hurt that I didn’t have the trust in them to tell them sooner.

I recommend you wait until you are absolutely ready to tell them, but do it as fast as you can (does that make sense?). You really don’t know how your parents will react and this may be something they would actually want to be a part of.
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Hey Damooster, that is great advice too. I’ve still got a way to go…but I’m thinking I will tell them sooner rather than later. At the end of the day, I hope that they will see how much more fulfilling my relationship with God is and will realise it is a good thing. Of course they may not, but they may.

God bless.
 
MatthewCrossman said:
Hey Damooster, that is great advice too. I’ve still got a way to go…but I’m thinking I will tell them sooner rather than later. At the end of the day, I hope that they will see how much more fulfilling my relationship with God is and will realise it is a good thing. Of course they may not, but they may.

God bless.
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I wish you the best of luck in not only telling your parents, but with your conversion. May God bless you as well. I’ll be praying some rosaries for you!
 
I was raised n the Assembly of God Church and later became Baptist. It was very different for me. I raised all my 6 kids in the evangelical churches. But I do still have two sisters living one of whom is kinda anti-catholic. I became convinced that I must become Catholic through my reading of history. I can understand what you are facing. I was afraid that my children would not undersdtand. My older sister was shocked and thought I wass crazy. But my kids took it really well. I any case I told them just before I started RCIA. By thenj I has done a lotr of readfing and hasd answers for most of their questions. I also decided that I knew the God wanted my in the Catholic Church and I was going tgo do it no matter what else was going on. I encourage you on your journey!!! It is wonderful. To be able to recieve the Eucharist each mass is worth everything. You will be in my prayers.
 
I don’t have much to add to the great advice you’ve already received, except that I was in a somewhat similar situation just a few weeks ago. I don’t have a family, but my best friend, who is like a sister to me, is an atheist - a very vocal one. She’s opposed to the Church. I decided to tell her anyhow and it didn’t go well. She was very upset and is still not speaking to me. However, I have absolutely no regrets for having told her. There’s something very freeing about being upfront and honest. I don’t have to feel ashamed, or that I’m hiding. I have been true to myself and not compromised. As far as my friend goes, I still care about her tremendously and I’m hoping she will come around eventually.

I hope it goes more smoothly for you, I will be praying for you, also for the process of your conversion. All the best!
 
my only advice is simply to continue on your own journey through RCIA and focus on that. your first communication of the change you are experiencing should be with your wife. Discuss with her, from a viewpoint of sharing your experience (not of course lecturing or being dogmatic) because that sharing of the interior life is part of the intimacy of marriage. Sure there are going to be some things you cannot explain, or even talk about for a while, but don’t shut her out of what is happening in your life.

When you find it easier to articulate what you believe and feel to her and your children, it will become easier for you to find words for your parents and the rest of your family. I don’t necessarily mean keep everything a deep dark secret, but until you get to the point where you can put this into words first for yourself, then for your wife, are you ready to confront those from whom you expect opposition or disappointment.

do all things in prayer, and pray before every encounter and conversation with family members. and don’t be too in-your-face with parents and siblings. Above all be prepared to let conversion in your manner of living be your biggest talking point, so that becoming a better husband, parent, Christian is the harbinger of change.

When you do have “the conversation” with your parents don’t make a big revelatory scene at a family function like your mother’s birthday party or thanksgiving, speak to them privately at first, as a couple or one on one so you are not confronted with the whole family at once.
 
MatthewCrossman said:
Okay, so for the past few years I’ve been becoming more and more interested in the Catholic faith. At this point I am finding myself with fewer and fewer objections and am seriously considering attending mass at the local parish and taking things from there.

My problem is, I come from a fundamentalist family. My father is a pastor in an Assemblies of God church; my mother was raised Catholic but left the church in her youth. They are quite reasonable people and I believe far less anti-Catholic than perhaps they were in my early childhood, however I am nervous about telling them of my inclinations.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice in relation to bringing up such matters with protestant family members. Should I wait until I enroll in RCIA…should I drop hints here and there…should I just come out and say it?

By way of further background, I might add my grandparents remain very committed Catholics and whilst my protestant wife does not understand the conclusions I am being drawn to, she remains supportive of my search.
Thanks, Matt.
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JL: I did not tell anyone when I was looking into becoming Catholic, especially those at my non-demon church. I did not want people trying to tell me what Catholic believed. I had already found out what I thought Catholics believed was wrong. I went to mass for several months on Saturday evenings in another town and my Protestant Church on Sunday. When I was totally convinced, I let everyone know, to my supprise there was no serious objections.
 
Hey, thanks ever so much everybody…

I repeat what I said earlier, there has been some really great advice and rest assured I am taking it all in. The beautiful thing is, as crazy as my life is at the moment, every day I am becoming further convinced that I am finally on the better (best?) road.

God bless every one of you.
 
Matthew,

You’re not alone, I assure you!

I am offering up a prayer for you, as one who knows what you’re going through.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the Power of God cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
SonofMonica said:
Matthew,

You’re not alone, I assure you!

I am offering up a prayer for you, as one who knows what you’re going through.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the Power of God cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
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Thanks so much!
 
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