Telling my boyfriend I am waiting

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amaxiner

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I have recently started seeing someone and as a strong Catholic, I have committed to not engaging in sex before marriage. I haven’t really dated anyone before, so how do I bring this up to him that I am waiting? He was raised Catholic and isn’t opposed to the Church or anything, but definitely not as involved. Thanks!
 
Dating is a time when you get to know each other, and so discussions about your faith and values should naturally occur. If your boyfriend starts to make a move you’re uncomfortable with, tell him; otherwise, over the course of your relationship you should be discussing things such as your beliefs and goals, and so you ought to be able to figure out fairly quickly whether you and he have compatible values.
 
It will come up naturally, especially if you’re open about being Catholic. If he does something that makes you uncomfortable, make sure he knows, and make sure he stops.
 
Do not be alone with him anywhere that can lead to sex. Then he will get the hint and if he asks, you can then make it firm. Remember, it is not only abstaining from sex, but from passionate kissing as well.

Also, if he is not “involved” in his Catholic faith, get him involved. The stronger he is in his faith, the more accepting he will be of church teaching. If he does not accept church teaching on sex outside of marriage, he will probably bail on you. Just being honest.
 
amaxiner said:
I haven’t really dated anyone before, so how do I bring this up to him that I am waiting?
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Just tell him. And remember his ego: make it clear that you’re not abstaining because you’re not attracted to him or anything. Just tell him, “hey, I really like you, I think you’re really attractive, but I’m not interested in having sex before marriage. If that’s not going to work for you, we should probably just shake hands and go back to being friends.”
 
amaxiner said:
I haven’t really dated anyone before, so how do I bring this up to him that I am waiting?
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I’m not sure why you would need to bring it up if you just recently started seeing someone. Keep it to hand holding and quick pecks for kisses, don’t put yourself in situations where intimacy could escalate, and don’t do things that set expectations (i.e., it’s late why don’t you stay over?).

I mean, good night at the door pretty much sets the boundary.
amaxiner said:
He was raised Catholic and isn’t opposed to the Church or anything, but definitely not as involved.
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Well, if you start to progress to anything more than just seeing if you are generally enjoying each other’s company, this is a pretty serious matter to discuss. Not like 2nd date type conversation, but I don’t think it’s smart to get involved with someone who doesn’t share your same faith and values. And I mean the practice of the faith, not just that someone was “baptized Catholic”.

If he isn’t practicing, that’s an indicator that maybe he’s not really relationship materials.
 
Just came up naturally for my girlfriend and I. We always have deep conversations so it just naturally came up in one of them and we are on the same page. Now we have been ring shopping and still waiting!
 
He may or may not be right for you. And in turn, you may or may not be right for him. Have an open and honest conversation at the appropriate time.
 
My advice would be to try to find a Catholic at the same “faith level” as you. It’s not great for a relationship to have one person who has the faith as a priority and one who is lukewarm. He may be a nice person but you have a consider that they’re not going to change and can you live with that.
 
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