Temper, self-control and hormones

[txsippian]

WOW, so many useful steps toward a solution to an extremely common malady. My personal challenges pop out in expressions of rage and profanity. The latter has been more in control the more I spend time in search of a deeper relationship with Christ, and my faithful Catholic Community. More in control, but it reared its head in a selfish tirade last night. Seems like the only person to experience this grotesque behavior is the person I love the most, my loving wife whom I adore.

Has the violence ever become physical? A personal encounter ended with a moment of my extreme physical intimidation toward my wife. My prayer, effort and commitment is to never allow this to happen again. It happened before. I have never struck my spouse, but my intimidation understandably terrifies her and me. No excuses for my actions, but much of your (name removed by moderator)ut sets me toward a path of healing and reinforces the steps we have already taken as a couple and those that I have taken as a man…

Allow me recap many of the avenues to harmony and away from sin:
Give it up to God EVERY MORNING, (Magnificat Pub)
Find a counselor who can integrate our faith into the sessions (done),
Gary Chapman’s writings(the Other Side Of Love, Love Languages), , Getting Free by Bert Ghezzi (sp?), the story of Matt Talbott, booklet called The Angry Christian,
Fast for assistance from God,
Pray a Hail Mary immediately after an offense regardless of geography (I love this!),
Gain strength through the Sacraments, especially Reconciliation (Saturday at 3pm)
Implementing many of these is key to my personal success against rage. Putting myself in contact with other men and making myself accountable to them for my behavior is also part of my plan. I have the network. Trusting them and trusting the Spirit is the next step.
My prayer at this very moment asks Jesus to come into the hearts of everyone who allows themselves to be separated from His Spirit through rage, anger, and violence. If you are raging, angry, emotionally or physically hurting someone you will be forgiven if you seek it, but you must seek help NOW. In the Holy Name of Jesus we lay down our pride and our rage. Help us Jesus. AMEN.
Your Brother In Christ

 

[MGPenny]

I also have had a problem with rage, as it turned out the rage was the result of a different habit I had practiced for many years. It was the habit of being offended-by people, by circumstances by anything and everything. My habit of ‘raging’ was not healed until I confessed my sin of being offended. God has, by His grace shown me more than once how one sin leads to another. He will finish the good work He started in us.

That is good! My bad habit was/is pride. I became angry when people wouldn’t see things my way. Didn’t they know how important I was?! Prayer, especially the rosary, is my weapon against pride. What helps me is to remember that God loves us all equally - even those who get under our skin.

I took a great seminar several years ago called “Managing Emotions Under Pressure”. It was an eye opener on how much time we waste on becoming offended when most people we get angry at are doing the best that they can in a situation.

 

[ladolcevita]

Hi All!
Boy, can I relate! Survive, I have been dealing with the same thing since I got into my mid-forties! I think that all of the advice that you are getting has been wonderful - many of the the things others here have suggested have helped me as well. I just want to say to NOT GIVE UP! If one technique does’nt work, try another. Also, if you have offended someone by your anger, apologize as soon as possible - this will help you to keep a “clean soul”. One thing I have found (strangely) helpful is not eating meat, poultry and pork, and only occasionally fish. I am going thru menopause, and have found that the hormones and ect in meat really ramps up the temper, irritability and the hot flashes. If I fall off the wagon, before too long I start going postal. Remember, even if you are a guy, you have hormones that are changing now too! (In guys, this is called “andropause”.) And the junk in our food just adds to the problem. So, try cutting meat out or at least reducing it to once a week or so.
Also, try cutting back on the caffiene. It could be that now that you are getting older, you are just more sensitive to it and maybe that could be a contributing factor too. This helped me.
Lastly, when you get in a situation where you are getting angry, have you tried just walking away? Just say “Look, this is really pissing me off. I don’t want to get all pissed. Let’s just forget it.” And then walk away. It took me YEARS to figure out that I did’nt HAVE to fight just because somebody else wanted to, or they pissed me off! DOH!! I could just walk away!! Or turn on the radio or TV. Or go online. Or whatever.
Hope this helps - and God Bless!

 

[Lainey63]

Hi All!
Boy, can I relate! Survive, I have been dealing with the same thing since I got into my mid-forties! I think that all of the advice that you are getting has been wonderful - many of the the things others here have suggested have helped me as well. I just want to say to NOT GIVE UP! If one technique does’nt work, try another. Also, if you have offended someone by your anger, apologize as soon as possible - this will help you to keep a “clean soul”. One thing I have found (strangely) helpful is not eating meat, poultry and pork, and only occasionally fish. I am going thru menopause, and have found that the hormones and ect in meat really ramps up the temper, irritability and the hot flashes. If I fall off the wagon, before too long I start going postal. Remember, even if you are a guy, you have hormones that are changing now too! (In guys, this is called “andropause”.) And the junk in our food just adds to the problem. So, try cutting meat out or at least reducing it to once a week or so.
Also, try cutting back on the caffiene. It could be that now that you are getting older, you are just more sensitive to it and maybe that could be a contributing factor too. This helped me.
Lastly, when you get in a situation where you are getting angry, have you tried just walking away? Just say “Look, this is really pissing me off. I don’t want to get all pissed. Let’s just forget it.” And then walk away. It took me YEARS to figure out that I did’nt HAVE to fight just because somebody else wanted to, or they pissed me off! DOH!! I could just walk away!! Or turn on the radio or TV. Or go online. Or whatever.
Hope this helps - and God Bless!

I’m not being sarcastic but who would’ve ever thunk to walk away! Not me. Staying away from meats makes sense considering all the hormone injections they give the animals, especially poultry.

 

[Musician]

This is just my experience. I eventually had to go on meds for a nervous breakdown I had five years ago. Lo and behold, the meds that were given me had a profound effect on my anger issues! I was pleasantly surprised (and so was my family) to find that my anger just disappeared. I haven’t gotten angry (I mean, really mad about something) in years. I just shrug it off.
Sometimes the problem can be physical - I guess it was for me.