TERRIFIED of confession

[EricFilmer]

Which brings me to confession. I am terrified of it. Truly terrified. They are having ‘day of confessions’ at my church today & I really wanted to go, not because I really have a grave sin weighing on me but because I haven’t gone in a while & felt it would be a good thing to do to spiritually prepare for Christmas.

But I can’t bring myself to do it. I am shaky & near tears just thinking about it.

I’m not embarrassed (well, maybe a little, but that’s not the root of my issue) – I’m just afraid to talk to the priest. Afraid to speak out loud. I could probably write my confession down but I can’t speak it.

:crying: I’m so sad & disappointed in myself that I couldn’t bring myself to go. I want to be open to God’s grace. I want to be forgiven. I want to confess. I can’t do it. I don’t know how to get over this hurdle.

Acat, I will just elaborate a bit more on what has been posted by others in this thread.

1. The ordinary means by which God absolves mortal sin is Confession. He does this through extraordinary ways as well, but Catholics should first avail themselves to how God ordinarily does things. But since you have not committed any mortal sins, we need not get into that.
2. The are a variety of ordinary means by which God absolves venial sin. And seeing as you have not committed any mortal sins, the only ones that need to be addressed in your desire to get spiritually cleaned up before Christmas are venial sins.

Going to Confession absolves venial sin (just as it does mortal sin) but this is not required in the case of venial sin. According to Church teaching, venial sins can be absolved by God through prayer, fasting and works of charity. Furthermore, attending Mass and participating in it with an open heart likewise absolves venial sins. All these things, of course, can be done without you having to talk to anyone but God.

Hopefully one day you will be able to go to Confession without having to go through the experiences you described (and my heart goes out to you in this regard). But keep in mind that (seeing as you are not guilty of mortal sin) you can certainly experience God’s grace and forgiveness without having to walk into a confessional.

 

[EZRyder]

I was away for 30 years and when I came back I had the same issues. I was a drug addict/dealer (so I caused others to commit sin–another mortal sin); I made an examination of conscience and asked the Holy Spirit to bring to mind all the sins I needed to confess and then I sat in front, not on kneeler. I started the form for confession and told I had been away. It didn’t take much time as I thought it would and wow, now I could go to Communion.

Our Priests deal all the time, particularly now as there appears to be a surge in Coming Home Catholics, with people away for long periods.

Thank you for the information. I assume that if you do not know the number of times then can still be forgiven. I covered a long period of time where I was pretty wild so have no clue how many times I had done some things. Even now I still struggle with a few things but I will keep track.

 

[EZRyder]

In 1943, Pope Pius XII wrote: “As you well know, venerable brethren, it is true that venial sins may be expiated in many ways that are to be highly commended. But to ensure more rapid progress day by day in the path of virtue, we will that the pious practice of frequent confession, which was introduced into the Church by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, should be earnestly advocated. By it genuine self-knowledge is increased, Christian humility grows, bad habits are corrected, spiritual neglect and tepidity are resisted, the conscience is purified, the will strengthened, a salutary self-control is attained, and grace is increased in virtue of the sacrament itself” (Mystici Corporis 88).

The confessing of venial sins is “strongly recommended” by the Catechism of the Catholic Church (cf. CCC 1458).

Acat, I will just elaborate a bit more on what has been posted by others in this thread.

1. The ordinary means by which God absolves mortal sin is Confession. [omitted remaineder]
2. The are a variety of ordinary means by which God absolves venial sin. [omitted remainder]

 

[acat]

acat, does this fear occur in other situations, or just Confession? Reason why I’m asking is I had a friend (who also was a trauma survivor) who had social anxiety and would panic when doing things like writing a check at the grocery store. There is help for this kind of thing with counseling and medication. Just thought I’d mention it; you may already know.

Yeah I would never write a check at the grocery store, yes that would cause me anxiety. I don’t make phone calls (my husband makes them for me) because I’m too anxious, and there are a million other things that cause me fear. Even in regards to confession, just getting to the right place in the church at that right time is anxiety-provoking to me, and what if someone is in there already, etc. things like that make it even harder though I do think I can overcome that aspect of things. I have tried every medication out there it seems, and counseling doesn’t work since I would need to talk in that situation… I am much better than I used to be but I still avoid many situations.

The confessing of venial sins is “strongly recommended” by the Catechism of the Catholic Church (cf. CCC 1458).

Thank you for that info. I do feel in my heart that confession would be the best means for me to be absolved of my sins & pray that I can bring myself to go.

 

[cviolette]

I was away for 30 years and when I came back I had the same issues. I was a drug addict/dealer (so I caused others to commit sin–another mortal sin); I made an examination of conscience and asked the Holy Spirit to bring to mind all the sins I needed to confess and then I sat in front, not on kneeler. I started the form for confession and told I had been away. It didn’t take much time as I thought it would and wow, now I could go to Communion.

Our Priests deal all the time, particularly now as there appears to be a surge in Coming Home Catholics, with people away for long periods.

I arranged a meeting with the priest for confession since it was such a long period of time. He was great and helped answer any questions I had. He has hours for confession this Wednesday. I am more nervous about using the confessional and yet again having a list of sins. But I want to receive communion on Christmas so I will go.

 

[underacloud]

What I would really like is to be able to go to the same priest each time & on a more regular basis. But I think I’m pretty far from being able to do that since I can’t even get myself to go once. I know I need to get over this hurdle in order to grow closer to God.

Perhaps try to meet with the priest as a precursor to confession. It is hard to go to confession (for all of us I think), but perhaps a little easier if you have met with the priest beforehand and had a more informal conversation. Introduce yourself after mass and say that you find confession hard but wanted to meet him first so it will be a little easier. I know this itself will be difficult for someone with social anxieties, but perhaps less difficult than going to confession itself.

 

[baltobetsy]

Perhaps try to meet with the priest as a precursor to confession. It is hard to go to confession (for all of us I think), but perhaps a little easier if you have met with the priest beforehand and had a more informal conversation. Introduce yourself after mass and say that you find confession hard but wanted to meet him first so it will be a little easier. I know this itself will be difficult for someone with social anxieties, but perhaps less difficult than going to confession itself.

This is a very good idea, however it might be too difficult for someone with the anxiety the OP describes. That’s why God gave us the great gift of EMAIL! Send an email to the priest to explain your situation and ask for an appointment. Tell him you would like to come to confession regularly and see if you can set something up.

 

[3DOCTORS]

That’s a great idea - e-mail or even snail mail.

I can’t diagnose anyone here but I’ll just say what my friend had was called Social Anxiety Disorder. And she did get help, with counseling and meds, and now she works with the public. So hope and help are possible.

I’ll be praying for you that you have spiritual and emotional peace, acat! God knows our every need. We don’t have to make a formal or fancy prayer, just a cry from the heart: “God, you know me, you know how I am - please help me get through this!”

Or, “Jesus I trust in You!” which is a personal favorite of mine - it comes from the Divine Mercy devotion. I prayed it when really scared, such as about to go under anesthesia for surgery.

 

[acat]

I just wanted to update that I was finally able to make it to Confession last week! It was incredibly difficult and I needed a lot of help gettin through it – I did break down hysterically crying – but I DID IT! It took a lot of prayer, and some encouragement from my husband, but I was so glad I made it there, and that wonderful feeling immediately after Confession is just… well, wonderful! I don’t know if I will be able to go as regularly as I would like but it’s a start. So thank you all for the encouragement and prayers (and continued prayers are most welcome).