Thank You and A Few Quick Questions

[bleemom]

First, Thank you all so much for your advice. I do feel better, like I don’t have false hope. I am going to use this time during Dh’s business trip to get the house in order and work on myself. Maybe this trip did come at the right time, even though it seems like it is harder with all of this going on. I am really hoping that “Absence will make the Heart grow fonder.”

So, am I understanding everyone’s advice correctly? Even though all of my mistakes are no excuse for DH to go outside of our marriage, since we are making it work, me doing my part includes NOT checking up on him? I mean, it doesn’t make me naive or foolish b/c God will open my eyes eventually if there is something I need to know? Right? I do pray a lot, and it always helps.

After reading several of your posts about DH and being in the military, I should mention that Dh has said that being in the Military was such a simple life. Everything was scheduled for you and done for you, etc… In the real world things are FAR from simple. He has been home from Iraq and out of the Guard for over 4 years now, but I know it still has an effect on him.

Anyway, I also wanted to point out that I do work part-time now. I have practically the perfect job. I can do most of my work at home and go to the office only when needed. Maybe I need to do more with my job. We are going to Retrouvaille. It can’t make things worse, only better. I am confident that our marriage will be much improved by the time our Retrouvaille Weekend comes around, and the weekend will only make it that much better.

Again, thank you all so much. Even though some of it was hard to hear, it helps. I may need a few pick me ups during this trying time, especially over the next few weeks while DH is gone. I really appreciate it! God Bless!

Smiles,
bleemom

 

[flyingfish]

So, am I understanding everyone’s advice correctly? Even though all of my mistakes are no excuse for DH to go outside of our marriage, since we are making it work, me doing my part includes NOT checking up on him? I mean, it doesn’t make me naive or foolish b/c God will open my eyes eventually if there is something I need to know? Right? I do pray a lot, and it always helps.

It’s understandable given that he had an affair that you are tempted to check. The problem with this is that if he catches you checking, it’s going to create some serious problems (as it already has when he noticed).

Anyway, I also wanted to point out that I do work part-time now. I have practically the perfect job. I can do most of my work at home and go to the office only when needed. Maybe I need to do more with my job.

In my opinion you should work full time, and maybe see what you can do about advancing in your work. You need to work on yourself, work on having a good life of your own so that you don’t depend on your husband for all you emotional needs and this can be one way to do it.

Successful and productive people are interesting and attractive.

If you’re resolved on continuing to only work part time, consider going to school as well. Work on growing as a person. That way you’ll have interesting things to talk about and contribute to your relationship.

Also are you in good physical shape? Maybe join a dance class or a martial arts class, or start training for a marathon. If you’re not healthy enough for those, start an exercise/diet program to get healthy enough.

If you have a lot going on for you, your husband will find you exciting and attractive. It is also very important for you not to be needy, not to beg your husband or ask for reassurance over and over again. That is very unattractive. Being strong and confident is what you should aim for.