That Part Where You Obey Your Confessor

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S_V7

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I understand that someone scrupulous (like myself) should obey their priest period. Well I wasn’t always so scrupulous and back in the day I didn’t really pay as much attention as I should to my religion and it’s Sacraments, especially Confession. Now, with all my knowledge as to what makes a good/bad Confession, Iv’e come to the conclusion that just about all my Confessions from most of my childhood were sacreligious. Mostly becuse of my lack of contrition/ firm purpose of amendment and hiding big sins and making them seem venial. And well, that really fired up my scruples so I made a general confession (well two actually). I want to go to Confession again because I fear I lacked contrition and a firm purpose of amendment for some venial sins I just added towards the end of my last Confession (like being slothful) but since both priests at my parish know what a worry wart I am, I fear they’ll just assume I’m being scrupulous and not take me seriously when I say I lacked this or that, which even with my scruples, I really fear I lacked.

So my question is, should I obey my Confessor and not worry, even when I really really think I’m not being scrupulous and I really did mess up?
 
Yes. The thing with scrupulosity is that it fools you into thinking the worries are real, when they are not.

God loves you. God inspired the priest to tell you not to worry. So let it go. Obey.

Betsy
 
S_V7 said:
. . . but since both priests at my parish know what a worry wart I am, I fear they’ll just assume I’m being scrupulous and not take me seriously when I say I lacked this or that, which even with my scruples, I really fear I lacked.

So my question is, should I obey my Confessor and not worry, even when I really really think I’m not being scrupulous and I really did mess up?
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Yes, you should absolutely obey your confessor.

You find this hard to believe, but your priests assume that you are being scrupulous because you ARE being scrupulous!

Your job in confession is to place that burden of scrupulosity on them, not you, then follow the confessor’s instructions.

I mean no disrespect; but your post could be used in a moral theology lecture as a textbook example of scrupulosity. Do not trust your own instincts in this matter. You must trust your confessor.
 
baltobetsy said:
And please read this thread, if you haven’t already.

Betsy
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I just finished reading that not long before you posted:p

I think

I wish I could really do that, but like I said, I used to be very lax with my faith and usually confessed the same things (lied, disrespected parents, got angry, was mean to siblings) And I do remember serious sins I committed and I don’t remember properly confessing them until about a year or 2 ago when I became more serious about my faith.

Now I’m starting to worry about my firm purpose of amendment and contrition because the way I see it (and please correct me if I’m wrong), I’m forgiven if I have a firm purpose of amendment and contrition for all my confessed sins. And since during many of my Confessions, I usually added a few venial sins like sloth that I really didn’t feel I develop a firm purpose of amendment or much contrition for (if my memory serves) , I fear I made a bad Confession.😦
 
S_V7 said:
I just finished reading that not long before you posted:p

I think

I wish I could really do that, but like I said, I used to be very lax with my faith and usually confessed the same things (lied, disrespected parents, got angry, was mean to siblings) And I do remember serious sins I committed and I don’t remember properly confessing them until about a year or 2 ago when I became more serious about my faith.

Now I’m starting to worry about my firm purpose of amendment and contrition because the way I see it (and please correct me if I’m wrong), I’m forgiven if I have a firm purpose of amendment and contrition for all my confessed sins. And since during many of my Confessions, I usually added a few venial sins like sloth that I really didn’t feel I develop a firm purpose of amendment or much contrition for (if my memory serves) , I fear I made a bad Confession.😦
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I will throw in my voice to the mix. You only need to have a FIRM purpose of amendment, at that instant. It’s an act of the will, not an emotional thing. Goodness, from what you post here, you clearly intended to confess your sins, tried your best to amend your life, and didn’t intentionally omit any mortal sins. OF COURSE you had a firm purpose, and OF COURSE your sins were forgiven!

Confess your sins, and then obey your confessor, period. Obey, obey, obey.

In fact, I will even dare say that you shouldn’t even be posting here anymore about your confession problems. This should be kept only between you and your priest, and you should have only one priest. This spiritual condition is not for a wild mix of people an Internet forum such as this one presents.

I don’t want to make you feel unwelcome, but I am afraid these forums are not good for pastorally sensitive people such as yourself. Otherwise, you’ll never get over this.
 
When you speak of the validity of your confessions, the only sins that matter are your mortal sins. I’m quite sure you, careful person that you are, were truly sorry and had firm purpose of amendment for all your mortal sins. Mentioning a venial sin that you still have a bit of attachment to will not invalidate your confession. Venial sins are totally optional in confession!

And please remember (not meaning to be insulting here, just realistic) that you are not really able to judge yourself rightly. You will always set a standard for yourself that is higher than what you have achieved or are able to achieve, and then you will torture yourself because you did not meet the standard (which was unreasonable to begin with). You will go back over and over your past confessions to see if you were truly sorry and really had firm purpose of amendment. You will never, never, never, ever be satisfied. Fortunately, you are not God and not the judge of your soul.

Another thing to remember is that you are constantly maturing. A couple of years ago, you did not have the capacity for contrition and purpose of amendment that you do now. God understands this. He does not expect you to exceed your developmental stage. Younger kids are naturally careless, and God made them that way. He is neither surprised nor disappointed when they take things lightly. It is not a sin to be and act like a kid.

Did you ever take up the Divine Mercy devotion? It’s really a wonderful prayer that just opens up the Heart of Jesus to pour out mercy. You will never earn salvation by doing everything right. You must rely on His mercy. It will be such a relief to you if you begin to do this.

God bless you.

Betsy
 
porthos11 said:
I will throw in my voice to the mix. You only need to have a FIRM purpose of amendment, at that instant. It’s an act of the will, not an emotional thing. Goodness, from what you post here, you clearly intended to confess your sins, tried your best to amend your life, and didn’t intentionally omit any mortal sins. OF COURSE you had a firm purpose, and OF COURSE your sins were forgiven!

Confess your sins, and then obey your confessor, period. Obey, obey, obey.

In fact, I will even dare say that you shouldn’t even be posting here anymore about your confession problems. This should be kept only between you and your priest, and you should have only one priest. This spiritual condition is not for a wild mix of people an Internet forum such as this one presents.

I don’t want to make you feel unwelcome, but I am afraid these forums are not good for pastorally sensitive people such as yourself. Otherwise, you’ll never get over this.
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Your probably right (even though I want to disagree). I just have such a hard time with this and CAF and the online is usually where I can get some aid when I can’t get to my Confessor soon enough. I would like to call but I can get very shy/nervous and I don’t want to bother him with my constant calls. I don’t think anyone else (besides God, my Confessors and of course you people;) )
really know how bad I can get with this.
 
S_V7 said:
Your probably right (even though I want to disagree). I just have such a hard time with this and CAF and the online is usually where I can get some aid when I can’t get to my Confessor soon enough. I would like to call but I can get very shy/nervous and I don’t want to bother him with my constant calls. I don’t think anyone else (besides God, my Confessors and of course you people;) )
really know how bad I can get with this.
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She IS right. You should stop posting here. Even though you may THINK it makes you feel better (and it might, for the moment), clearly in the long run, it does not help. I’ve been reading your posts for the last few months and IMHO, it has not helped. In fact, I truly wonder if it is contributing to the OCD.

I know you are a youngin’. Perhaps you should try focusing your energy on something other than yourself and your imagined sins. Are there any opportunities for volunteer work in your area? Perhaps you could visit a nursing home or become involved in youth activities. Sitting in front of the computer obsessing about your imagined (or even real) sins can’t be good for you.

Finally, it is a form of pride and arrogance to think you know more than your priest. You are not the worst sinner your priest has encountered. You are not so “bad” that the priest is being deceived in your confessions. You are just like the rest of us - striving to be a good Catholic. Listen and obey your priest and do things that will get you out of your own head.
 
S_V7 said:
I . Now, with all my knowledge as to what makes a good/bad Confession, Iv’e come to the conclusion that just about all my Confessions from most of my childhood were sacreligious. ?
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with respect, the guidelines for the scrupulous, which have been cited here many times, and you can search for them on AAA as well, would say you cannot on your own come to such a conclusion, only your confessor can make that judgment. If you have since made a valid confession all your past sins, confessed or unconfessed, are forgiven and you must put them out of your mind. Please take direction only from one confessor whom you trust and do not bring your issues here, as doing so will not avail you the help you are seeking. We will be praying for you.

use the google search feature at the top of the AAA forum and search on scrupulosity for those guidelines.
 
blessedtoo said:
Perhaps you should try focusing your energy on something other than yourself and your imagined sins. Are there any opportunities for volunteer work in your area? Perhaps you could visit a nursing home or become involved in youth activities. **Sitting in front of the computer obsessing about your imagined (or even real) sins can’t be good for you.

Listen and obey your priest and do things that will get you out of your own head.**
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Excellent points! Fabulous advice. S_V7, are you listening?

Betsy
 
okay okay yeah, as much as it pains me to I’ll have to dislodge myself from the computer (since I’m moving and we probably won’t have internet sevice for a while). I want to trust my Confessor but I do have that ‘what if he’s wrong’ thought which juts makes thing worse. I will try though.

And I did take up the Divine Mercy Chaplet:thumbsup:
 
To SV_7: I am close to someone who use to suffer from scrupulosity, a form of OCD. It is an extremely difficult cross to bear and I sympathize with your pain. I have seen the person close to me suffer and I feel deeply for that person. I will pray for you tonite. Don’t be so hard on yourself. God isn’t. He (only He knows) your particular circumstances. If I may ask, have you tried medication? God bless you, and I will truly pray for you!

mom4truth:(
 
mom4truth said:
To SV_7: I am close to someone who use to suffer from scrupulosity, a form of OCD. It is an extremely difficult cross to bear and I sympathize with your pain. I have seen the person close to me suffer and I feel deeply for that person. I will pray for you tonite. Don’t be so hard on yourself. God isn’t. He (only He knows) your particular circumstances. If I may ask, have you tried medication? God bless you, and I will truly pray for you!

mom4truth:(
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Thank you for your prayers, and all of your for your advice.

Well I don’t think I’ve ever taken medication for OCD but it might work. I did notice that as I got more scrupulous, I fussed over OCD type things, at least I think they are (making sure crosses were positioned correctly- I have some sort of fear that they’ll be upside down or something, making sure my Rosaries were in place)
 
S_V7 said:
I want to trust my Confessor but I do have that ‘what if he’s wrong’ thought which juts makes thing worse. I will try though.

And I did take up the Divine Mercy Chaplet:thumbsup:
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If he’s wrong, he gets to take the blame, not you. That’s the beauty of obedience. And good for you with the Divine Mercy.

Betsy
 
S_V7: The person that I am close to with scrupulocities would pray constantly, I mean constantly, non-stop. He/she would make the sign of the cross and stare at the crucifixes while making the sign of the cross. Everything became a question of mortal sin. Since taking medication, this person is much better. Still prays, but not so obsessively. God is good. He really helped this person (and probably this person’s OCD’s prayers) helped too! Ironic, isn’t it? Think about seeing a doctor, perhaps. Let me know how you’re doing. I’ll keep praying.

Take care and God Bless!:harp:
 
Hello fellow Catholics. I will probably get chewed out for posting this here but here goes: I am 20 years old and a strong follower of the faith. Over this summer I’ve found myself becoming scrupulous (at least I think so). I feel I have to go to confession every week to receive communion, even though I probably don’t need to. I tend to think my venial sins are mortal sins. I confess them and feel great and think “clean slate, let’s have a mortal sin free week.” Then I’m at confession again the next Saturday in the same situation. I do a nightly exam. of conscience and this week I’m starting to recall all kinds of things I did in my childhood that I know 100% I never confessed (pretty sure I didn’t withhold them either.) Some of them would’ve been mortal (sexually stimulating myself but not to the point of masturbation), others venial borderline mortal (sneaking out of friends’ house to TP a public park.) I know it’s probably unhealthy for me to confess these things, especially since I’ve been to confession probably 50-100 times since these incidents, but I know I never confessed them and I feel guilty, but I also know I feel guilty about lots of things that I shouldn’t worry about. I’ll probably talk to my confessor on Saturday and see if he recommends me confessing these past sins that I believe the Lord has forgiven me for but I can’t shake the feeling of knowing I’ve never confessed them. Am I doing the right thing?
 
Yes, JesusSaves17, that’s just the right thing to do. Tell him exactly what you have told us - all of it - so he understands the depth of your problem. Be sure you specifically ask for help with your scruples. Then, whatever he tells you, do it. Don’t second guess him or agonize over it - just obey.

In the meantime, here are the Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous.

Betsy
 
The Capuchin Franciscans of the Province of St. Mary have sent holy cards to me and one of them has the words of St Padre Pio talking to a person complaining of being overly distressed by sins he had committed. Padre Pio said “That which you feel is pride; it is the demon which inspires you with this sentiment, it is not true sorrow. The spirit of God is a spirit of peace, and also in the case of grave sin, it makes us feel tranquil sorrow, humble, confident, and this is due precisely to His mercy. The spirit of the demon, on the contrary, excites, exasperates, and makes us in our sorrow feel something like anger against ourselves, whereas our first charity must be to ourselves, and so if certain thoughts agitate you, this agitation never comes from God, who gives tranquility, being the Spirit of Peace. Such agitation comes from the devil.”

I haven’t been a big Padre Pio fan before but I keep these words near me all the time (they are helpful whether I’m worried about a certain action of mine being sinful or even when I’m feeling anxious about something else, which is frequent for me).

I would heartlily agree with the prior poster about seeing if a med. is what the doctor thinks is a good thing for you and do keep St. Pio’s words in mind!
 
Dear JesusSaves17,

I know first-hand from what you are talking about. Try to busy your mind with other things, other than your faults/sins whatever. If you read my earlier post I have some things to say on that subject. I will definitely pray for you (as I do for the person close to me with the same difficulties). Hang in there! Things WILL get better. By the way, if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you? The person I know who has the same difficulty was about 11 when it started. That person is now 15 and is MUCH better - thanks to medication, talking to priests and a great deal of prayer. God bless and I’ll pray for you!!!

mom4truth:gopray2:
 
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