The 2nd Part of My question

[Christian4life]

My husband, even though he agrees with Catholics a lot too, frowns on the idea of me actually becoming Catholic. He especially doesn’t like the idea of not using birth control (ie, condoms) and whenever I bring it up he gets pretty upset. I think birth control is wrong, whether or not I become a Catholic I will continue to oppose it, but if he asks me to buy it or use it I do just to avoid an argument. I did finally get him to stop making me use a diaphragm, which I’d always hated. He even said we could try natural family planning, as long as we use condoms most of the time. I sort of think I can convince him more on this, but I don’t know. This is something I take pretty seriously, and I believe the early church took pretty seriously too, so I just don’t feel right about giving in on this all the time, but I can’t exactly deny him intercourse either, so I feel kind of helpless in the matter. He thinks it is more important for a wife to submit to her husband than to oppose something like birth control. Do you agree?

If I were to try to convince him more on the issue, what arguments do you think would work best to convince a non-Catholic Christian that birth control is wrong (he is also mostly pro-life)? HIs argument is that condoms are just a thing and how you use them constitutes whether they are good or bad, so he thinks they are okay in a marriage. I’m not sure what to say to that.

 

[RichT]

He is “Mostly” Pro-Life? What does that mean?

 

[Sandman]

There is a wealth of good books and tapes on this subject. I have found that the Catholic viewpoint on marriage, salvation, birth control, chastity is very well founded, supported and cohesive. Ther is good reason for this.

Good starting point is the “Theology of the Body” There is a new set of CDs just out at www.nakedwithoutshame.com. 10 CDs for $3.90 plus S&H is extraordinary.

This is a good basis of reasoning for your BC view and if you can get your husband to listen you may reach some common ground.

There are many other resources I could recommend but I would need to know if they are for you or for him and where you are at to know if the more theological or the more general books or audio recordings would be best.

As to submission, First it is mutual. Second don’t forget that if he is loving you as Christ loved the Church, he would be willing to give his life for you. “This is my body which is given up for you”

Asking him to accept all of you, including your fertility, is a much smaller thing than him giving up his life for you.

I encourage you to stand by your beliefs!

 

[Christian4life]

RichT:

He is “Mostly” Pro-Life? What does that mean?

Well he is very opposed to abortion, we are both involved in the pro-life movement right now, but he doesn’t know if he thinks birth control that causes early abortion is necessarily abortion. He said he is unsure as to whether he is opposed to “the pill” or “the morning after pill” since they only cause the fertilized embryo not to implant in the womb (though thankfully he would never ask me to use either). I personally believe that life begins at conception, but he is confused as to whether it actually begins at implantation.

 

[Christian4life]

First off, thank you for your advice, it is much appreciated.

Sandman:

There are many other resources I could recommend but I would need to know if they are for you or for him and where you are at to know if the more theological or the more general books or audio recordings would be best.

Well he is a pretty religious Protestant, and an intellectual. He actually does believe that EVERYTHING in the Bible is true, so Theological would probably be the best way to go, though general might work if it is very logically and intelligently thought out, but Theological would still be best I think, especially if it involves actualy Protestant accepted scripture.

Thanks!

 

[renee1258]

As someone who uses NFP, and my husband a Catholic in every respect of the word even he had trouble in the beginning understanding the concepts of fertility awareness methods as oppose to using a contraceptive everytime. You really need to chart two to three months, so you get into a habit everyday of checking your signs and see a clear chart pattern also. Show your husband the charts, explain how your body ovulates. You need training wheels, and if it means getting rid of a diaphram (Eck!) and using condoms for a few months so be it. He would be impressed with your knowledge.

 

[SeekerJen]

Christian4life:

My husband, even though he agrees with Catholics a lot too, frowns on the idea of me actually becoming Catholic. He especially doesn’t like the idea of not using birth control (ie, condoms) and whenever I bring it up he gets pretty upset. I think birth control is wrong, whether or not I become a Catholic I will continue to oppose it, but if he asks me to buy it or use it I do just to avoid an argument. I did finally get him to stop making me use a diaphragm, which I’d always hated. He even said we could try natural family planning, as long as we use condoms most of the time. I sort of think I can convince him more on this, but I don’t know. This is something I take pretty seriously, and I believe the early church took pretty seriously too, so I just don’t feel right about giving in on this all the time, but I can’t exactly deny him intercourse either, so I feel kind of helpless in the matter. He thinks it is more important for a wife to submit to her husband than to oppose something like birth control. Do you agree?

If I were to try to convince him more on the issue, what arguments do you think would work best to convince a non-Catholic Christian that birth control is wrong (he is also mostly pro-life)? HIs argument is that condoms are just a thing and how you use them constitutes whether they are good or bad, so he thinks they are okay in a marriage. I’m not sure what to say to that.

I would suggest the scientific approach if the religious one hasn’t yet worked. Most women (and definitely most men) don’t even know that there are only a few fertile days each month for women (less if the woman doesn’t ovulate monthly). There’s a good book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler that gives very detailed information about how a woman’s reproductive system works, how sympto-thermal NFP works, and how effective it is. There won’t be a need to use condoms “most of the time” with this. If you choose to abstain during your fertile time, there won’t be any reason at all for him to use a condom.

Have him read this, or at least parts of it. Once he realizes that it’s more effective than condoms if used properly, I’m sure he won’t mind giving them up. My non-Catholic husband certainly didn’t- apparently a lot of men hate them.

Here’s the author’s website: ovusoft.com/

 

[RichT]

Christian4life:

Well he is very opposed to abortion, we are both involved in the pro-life movement right now, but he doesn’t know if he thinks birth control that causes early abortion is necessarily abortion. He said he is unsure as to whether he is opposed to “the pill” or “the morning after pill” since they only cause the fertilized embryo not to implant in the womb (though thankfully he would never ask me to use either). I personally believe that life begins at conception, but he is confused as to whether it actually begins at implantation.

Well, as a Christian and a father I firmly believe that an embryo is a life. If you are purposely taking a pill that makes your body an unfriendly place for that embryo, then in my opinion you are killing that embryo. I too used to think the pill was okay, until I learned that it is indeed an abortifacient. Anything that causes abortion whether chemicaly induced or manualy is an abortion, is an abortion, is an abortion. Period! As you have said, thankfully he doesn’t expect you to take either of these pills.

You said on another reply that theologic books or tapes might be the best way to go. I would highly recommend anything by Christopher West. His books and tapes are deep in theology and scripture. I saw him speak live once and came away amazed. Although I already agreed with church teaching I came away with a much deeper appreciation for my wife and what her body is capable of, as well as a huge respect for church teaching against artificial contraception. As a Christian your husband will have a hard time arguing with Christopher West. As a Christian, your husband also has an obligation to respect your wishes and get involved in finding a solution that is appropriate for a Christian couple. Get a hold of some tapes or cd’s by Chris West and your husband will learn that he is actually giving less of himself everytime he uses a condom.

God Bless…

 

[Christian4life]

Thank you all for your advice. I am also trying to convince him that there is a moral difference between artificial contraception and NFP, but it has been a difficult argument. I read a lot about it on this site and it seems even to me it is sometimes a very fine line.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[mercygate]

Christian4life:

Thank you all for your advice. I am also trying to convince him that there is a moral difference between artificial contraception and NFP, but it has been a difficult argument. I read a lot about it on this site and it seems even to me it is sometimes a very fine line.

What are your thoughts on this?

Hey! In this case you’re lucky not to be Catholic – you can back into the NFP thing the easy way! BTW, NFP does NOT mean: “not for Protestants!”

Yes, until 1930 EVERY Church was against birth control.

The difference between abstaining from intercourse and contracepting is that by abstaining you are not doing anything to interrupt or impose against a natural human marital act. You are not acting “contra” anything. You are acting “with” nature. Remember, before the estrous cycle was understood (and it hasn’t been that long) the only way for Christians to avoid pregnance was to abstain from the conjugal act: period.

 

[Finella]

Christian4life:

My husband, even though he agrees with Catholics a lot too, frowns on the idea of me actually becoming Catholic. He especially doesn’t like the idea of not using birth control (ie, condoms) and whenever I bring it up he gets pretty upset. I think birth control is wrong, whether or not I become a Catholic I will continue to oppose it, but if he asks me to buy it or use it I do just to avoid an argument. I did finally get him to stop making me use a diaphragm, which I’d always hated. He even said we could try natural family planning, as long as we use condoms most of the time. I sort of think I can convince him more on this, but I don’t know. This is something I take pretty seriously, and I believe the early church took pretty seriously too, so I just don’t feel right about giving in on this all the time, but I can’t exactly deny him intercourse either, so I feel kind of helpless in the matter. He thinks it is more important for a wife to submit to her husband than to oppose something like birth control. Do you agree?

If I were to try to convince him more on the issue, what arguments do you think would work best to convince a non-Catholic Christian that birth control is wrong (he is also mostly pro-life)? HIs argument is that condoms are just a thing and how you use them constitutes whether they are good or bad, so he thinks they are okay in a marriage. I’m not sure what to say to that.

I am a non-Catholic who married a Catholic man. We disagreed on some of the Church’s teachings from the beginning. I used the BC pill since I was a young teenager (was put on it for medical reasons) and saw nothing wrong with it. Recently I went off of it…finally! But my main reason was not moral, it was medical. I was concerned about the effects that artificial hormones were having on my body. The book mentioned, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, was what got me on the right track. It was amazing to read so much about my own body that I had no idea about. It should be required reading for every menstruating girl out there!

Now, for the moral side. My husband has never been one to push the Church’s teachings on me. He has always expressed his disapproval of the pill, but I never understood why. But when I was finally ready to learn, he was there to help. He pointed me in the direction of this forum (Amen!).

Now I am learning to use NFP. But after 14 years on the pill, it is rough! My cycles are so screwed up… cervical fluid is almost non-existent…and my temperatures are all over the charts! So for now we only have two options if we wish to avoid pregnancy: abstain, or use a condom. If you were not on the pill I assume learning NFP will be much easier for you.

For the first couple of months hubby reluctantly agreed to use a condom. But recently he said no more. I don’t hold this against him, as I understand the Church’s teaching on contrception. I think you need to do more research on why contraception (any form) is wrong… it is what helped me to understand. I’m sure many people here can point you in the right direction. I am good at finding info, but not so good at remembering where I found it, lol.

I think patience will help you out with your hubby. He may come around to your way of thinking with time and knowledge. My personal opinion (keep in mind I am very new to learning about Catholicism so may be wrong) is that as long as it is your hubby who uses the condom it is ok for you to go along with contraception for now to preserve the relationship. Keep working on him with all of the knowledge and advice you will get from the people on these forums…thay are great!!!

Finella