the birds and the bees

[jfr]

I need to have “the talk” with my eldest son who has not yet entered puberty but will probably do so in the next year.What would be the best approach?Of course,I will first emphasize the beauty and sanctity of marital relations .However I do want to give him as much biological info as needed,but without “grossing him out”.I still remember my “talk” with my Dad.He was driving,not looking at me at any time, while he gave me all the details he thought were necessary.I’m sure he did the best he could,but I want it to be a better experience for my son.

 

[mom26sofar]

Seton puts out a booklet called “Listen my Son” for the talk with boys, and “Mother’s Little Helper” for girls. They are inexpensive, other than that I have heard that they are good but a little outdated as far as language. You might find them to be a good stepping stone.

May Jesus and Mary be with you,

 

[raphaela]

My mom never EVER talked about it, not even how she felt we should deal with it when that time approached. So, when I had pre-marital sex, and told her about it, she freaked. But how was I supposed to know that she didn’t agree with it when she never ever talked about it? I know maybe i should’ve waited, btu i had not found christ at that point, and my parents barely believed that Jesus exsisted so, i don’t think I was necessarily in the wrong. I think it is great that you want to talk about it with your children and evoke a marital relations stance. That’s awesome!!

 

[Agricola]

My parents never approached me on the subject of sex. When I was younger my mother had me memorize the Baltimore Catechism. This sparked an interest in the Faith that led me to read anything and everything that I could get my hands on if it was published by the Church. Some of those things were documents like “Humanae Vitae” and “Evangelium Vitae”, and books like “Three to Get Married” and “Love and Responsibility”. Some people think that a 12yo kid cannot possibly understand things like that, never before having had it explained. I don’t think that way. I think kids can understand a lot more than they’re given credit for.

I’d be honest with your boy about the benefits and the responsibilities of sex and all that it involves. Tell him what you expect of him, what Christ expects of him, and what he should expect of himself. Since sex is so tied to the dignity of the human person, you might want to explain how misusing this great and beautiful gift has painful consequences, both physical and spiritual.

I hope you have every success guiding your boy to manhood. I’ll pray for you.

God bless,

Agricola

 

[pira114]

I just went through the same thing with my son. I found the easiest way for him was to do it in several small spurts. That actually made it easier for me. I also found it easier to start talking by asking him questions. It’s hard to start, but once you do, it gets easier.

One more thing, it really helped him to talk about it while we were doing something we enjoyed together. In my case, we were at the rifle range. We love shooting together. It cut out all the nervous fidgeting (sp?) and weird silent moments. Also, it gave me an excuse to do something else for a second or two while I thought of an answer to a question I was not expecting. I was really surprised at how much he already “thought” he knew. Good luck. I found our relationship to be much stronger now that we had “the talk.”

 

[puzzleannie]

Love & Life Guide to Christian Sexual Morality for Teens, available from Ignatius press has a catechist guide, student guide, and parent’s guide. The parent’s guide is the one with the pictures and biology, as well as the necessary Catholic viewpoint on sex, marriage and family, and is intended to help parents do this important task, which should never be delegated to anyone else. The catechists and student books teach the doctrine and morality, but the biology is left to the parents, as this is their proper role.

 

[coyote]

I did not wait for my son to reach a certain age before broaching the subject. I began with proper names and age appropriate language when he was very small. As he got older, the topics became more complex and more morality based. He’s 12 now, and already has an adequate foundation in the mechanics and vocabulary of reproduction. What I mostly discuss now is relationships and morality. Basically, my instruction is done. I continue to take advantage of teachable moments to re-enforce concepts and ideals.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Guys, one thing it would be good to bring up that might not have been thought necessary when you were young is the topic of girls who do not value themselves enough to be modest and chaste. Those girls have bought a bill of goods that has promised to make them happy, but that will make them miserable in the end.

It is part of our vocation as Christians to thirst for souls as Jesus does. A Catholic man needs to know not just to not take advantage of these young women, but letting them know what kind of respect they deserve, both from themselves and other guys. A “fast” girl is too often a girl desperate for male approval, trying to get it in the way she’d been taught she needs to. Even if she doesn’t seem to catch on or appreciate it when she hears it, the message “You are a precious woman who deserves better” might be her salvation in the end, both in this life and in the next. For this reason, a young man needs to be taught to treat all women as ladies, as sisters and daughters, even if those women don’t show themselves the same respect.

Likewise, other guys need to have their lurid attitudes met with, “Would you want to hear some guy talk about your sister, your daughter, or your mom that way? Get a grip.” I don’t mean that men should be condemned for feeling temptation, only that they need to encourage each other to think in ways that will really bring them what their hearts desire.

It all comes under “Do unto others.” It just might be a positive course of action that might get missed in the anxiety to keep kids from more obviously bad actions.