The Fallen Away Family

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NightFisher

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How does one talk to family members who no longer practice the faith (about coming back)? How can you steer them back toward the Church?

I am the oldest child of a family that never attended church or received any sacraments. I have since come into the Church and honestly think my siblings will follow in time, given the questions they have asked in the past.

I am very concerned about my parents though. My mom is civilly married (not to my dad), and they are not seeking to have their marriage validated in the Church (though they probably could). She grew up Catholic, and attends Mass sometimes, but does not receive the Eucharist (mainly for reasons listed above). I think this points to a desire to come back, and we have discussed this some, but she is busy with life and has been heavily influenced by society. I am not judging her, and I do not know what she feels in her heart, but I would be lying if I said I did not want to see her come back into the Church.

My dad is a different story. He attended Catholic church growing up, but was only baptized; I don’t think he received any other sacraments. In my life, I have only ever seen him in church for weddings and funerals. Honestly, until I came into the Church, I did not even know he believed in God. This step of mine opened up some dialogue with him initially, but he said that he does not think you need to go to church to worship God. He does not read much, so outside resources (even the Bible) probably aren’t going to help. My dad is a wonderful man, who works hard, and has always tried to do what is right. He cares about others and taught my siblings and I many good lessons. I have a great relationship with him, and this is what concerns me. I am afraid that if I bring up church or anything related, he will get upset and this could hurt our relationship. My youngest sibling is going to college soon, so my dad will be alone in the house. I am concerned that he will be depressed and lonely, and I think going to church or learning about faith would really help him. But I have no idea how to bring any of this up without making him feel like I am judging him, or upsetting him.

I hope this post was coherent and any help would be greatly appreciated.
 
“Hey, I’m going to church, want to come?”

“There’s a fish fry this Friday, want to come, and then stay for Stations?”

“I was reading the Confession of St. Augustine and there’s this really interesting passage…”

“I want you to have this saint medal / rosary /statue…”

“I just finished reading this awesome book called ‘Summa Theologica’, you should read it too!” (jk)
 
I agree with Stephen. I think just being a loving, patient family member who is slow to anger and loving and caring to all is going to be your strongest influence. I also don’t think you will hurt anyone’s feelings if you invite them along or giving small meaningful gifts (such as a Holy Card or a rosary) when it feels right. Don’t judge or show anxiety about their situation, give it to God in prayer but be open to promptings from the Holy Spirit.

Show them gratitude and kindness.

It was the witness of many very loving Catholics that drew me closer enough to the church to have an encounter with God that converted me from an atheist to Catholic.
 
Remember, faith and religious beliefs must be accepted through free will. It may take some patient, and prayerful convincing to get the ball rolling. Some folks only need to be nudged in the right direction. Others may need to feel it is their own idea before they accept and pursue coming into the fold. Old habits die hard, and folks must want to change before actually doing so.

I pray you are successful!
 
Thank you all for your responses; they are greatly appreciated.
Stephen, these are great suggestions; however, I am well out of my parents’ houses and I am not generally there for church, etc. Also, coming from a small town, some of the community faith opportunities are not as accessible. And neither of my parents read much, but I will see what I can do.
I will probably continue to keep doing what I’ve been doing. That is, not pushing anything, but answering questions when they come up, asking questions if the opportunity is right, and living the best life I can. And prayer. Lots of prayer. 🙂

DaddyGirl, I understand how my post probably sounds, but I am asking these questions out of love. My mom is not in full Communion with the Church, and she understands this. She has not “left” per se… She is just in a difficult place. I am not judging her nor harping on her to do anything. I don’t really know how to explain this any better, and I don’t really want to get into many specifics. I am just concerned for my loved ones, that is all. And by heavily influenced by society, I mean that there are doctrines of the Church that she does not accept because our general society does not accept them and has tangled together what is right and wrong. Generally, these are controversial topics that I will not cover here.
In terms of my father, I think in the correct situation, I could discuss this with him, but this is not a subject that has come up much in the past. So I have no way to predict his reaction. But I think you are right–as long as I did it in the appropriate manner, he probably would have no hard feelings.

Side-note: You can worship God anywhere, and you should worship Him everywhere. They might not have had established churches in specific buildings for only the purpose of worship, but in today’s age, at least where I am from, you do not hear the Liturgy nor receive the Eucharist while you are on the computer or sitting on the couch, etc. Maybe to solely worship God, you do not need to go to Church, but in most cases, you still need to go for everything else. Also, it is nice to be a part of communal worship…​

I think it should be made clear that I am not constantly pushing and nagging my parents to go to church or read the Bible or anything else. In fact, things like this have very rarely come up in conversation. I am sure that my parents have good reasons for not going to church and I know a few of those reasons, but I think it would be helpful if they did go. Trust me, I am not trying to remove the splinters from their eyes, as it were. I know that I need a lot of work as well. But, being a Catholic, and having faith that it is the True Church and the True Faith, I would like to open them up to it as much as possible. Open them up, while also maintaining positive relationships.
 
Non-believers are led to Christ and reverts are brought back to Christ when believers practice what they “believe”. Words just don’t suffice. It’s the actions that speak.

If you no longer live with your parents, I say to offer any and every Mass that you can for your parents’ conversion. There’s power in the Blood. Through God’s grace and intervention, your prayers will be answered.
 
Deepen your own faith, I’ll say. It’s really about as simple as that, sometimes.
 
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