The forbidden and sour grapes

[DarkLight]

Why is it that so many catholics, once something is forbidden,seem to want to make it out to be the worst thing ever for reasons that have nothing to do with why it is actually forbidden? It seems with birth control that there’s such a heavy emphasis on how apparently just “terrible” it is for the body, despite the fact that from everything I’ve seen, as long-term medications go it’s one of the less harmful. It’s almost like people can’t leave it as just being a moral wrong, but have to go around finding other reasons why it’s so terrible and no one would ever want to use such a thing anyway.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Why is it that so many catholics, once something is forbidden,seem to want to make it out to be the worst thing ever for reasons that have nothing to do with why it is actually forbidden? It seems with birth control that there’s such a heavy emphasis on how apparently just “terrible” it is for the body, despite the fact that from everything I’ve seen, as long-term medications go it’s one of the less harmful. It’s almost like people can’t leave it as just being a moral wrong, but have to go around finding other reasons why it’s so terrible and no one would ever want to use such a thing anyway.

Well, people may cite “all of the secular arguments they want as long as it is factual”, to paraphrase a law professor I know.

When it comes to sexual issues, if one is going to do nothing but cite Scripture, you’re not going to get very far with most people in a general conversation. I’d do that when someone wants to know more about your beliefs.

And as Catholics, we actually are and should be very much in tune with natural law.

 

[DarkLight]

Well, people may cite “all of the secular arguments they want as long as it is factual”, to paraphrase a law professor I know.

When it comes to sexual issues, if one is going to do nothing but cite Scripture, you’re not going to get very far with most people in a general conversation. I’d do that when someone wants to know more about your beliefs.

And as Catholics, we actually are and should be very much in tune with natural law.

And how many of said catholics would start screaming about how you’re poisoning your body and women have lived without these pills for centuries at someone taking such pills entirely within the law of the church? In my experience it’s quite a lot, and they often sound very uninformed as to what actually happens in the doctor’s office.

Besides, I think such strategies run the risk of being too short-term. The secular industry is going to be working towards eliminating these side effects. If we rely too much on such things rather than on natural law arguments (which any competent user should be able to do without using scripture) we lose the minute whatever particular bad effects go away.

 

[DarkLight]

I’d just like to be able to be around Catholics and go to Mass regularly without hearing, over and over and over again, about how I’m poisoning myself and probably going to die of cancer, for making the health choices that actually meant I don’t spend 2-3 days every month screaming in pain. And how there must always be some other solution, everyone has this or that or the other that’s supposed to be some miracle that makes it so no one would need birth control.

It’s tiring and it makes me want to walk out of church just so I don’t have to hear about it.

 

[boomerang]

I’d just like to be able to be around Catholics and go to Mass regularly without hearing, over and over and over again, about how I’m poisoning myself and probably going to die of cancer, for making the health choices that actually meant I don’t spend 2-3 days every month screaming in pain. And how there must always be some other solution, everyone has this or that or the other that’s supposed to be some miracle that makes it so no one would need birth control.

It’s tiring and it makes me want to walk out of church just so I don’t have to hear about it.

First, Catholics aren’t the only people who do everything possible to justify their beliefs. Everyone does this. On the flip side, there are plenty of people who exaggerate the benefits of birth control pills such as: BC pills lower your rate of ovarian cancer, they clear up your skin, etc. They ignore the fact that BC pills can increase your risk of breast cancer and cause blood clots. So people on both side of an issue try to justify their beliefs by any means possible.

Second, who are all these people arguing about BC with you? How do they know you are taking BC pills? Don’t tell them anything. It’s none of their business.

 

[DarkLight]

First, Catholics aren’t the only people who do everything possible to justify their beliefs. Everyone does this. On the flip side, there are plenty of people who exaggerate the benefits of birth control pills such as: BC pills lower your rate of ovarian cancer, they clear up your skin, etc. They ignore the fact that BC pills can increase your risk of breast cancer and cause blood clots. So people on both side of an issue try to justify their beliefs by any means possible.

Second, who are all these people arguing about BC with you? How do they know you are taking BC pills? Don’t tell them anything. It’s none of their business.

Who said I’m saying anything? Would you like to hear it everywhere every time someone’s talking about Catholic teaching how horrible your choices are and how women only make tge choices you make because they’re ignorant?

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It’s tiring and it makes me want to walk out of church just so I don’t have to hear about it.

Seriously? People just randomly walk up to you in church and harass you about taking birth control pills? How do they know? I wouldn’t know what medications people were taking unless for some odd reason they thought it was my business and raised the issue with me first.

 

[boomerang]

Who said I’m saying anything? Would you like to hear it everywhere every time someone’s talking about Catholic teaching how horrible your choices are and how women only make tge choices you make because they’re ignorant?

I misunderstood. So this comes up in the course of normal conversation and is not directed at you? I don’t understand why they are harping on this topic “over and over and over”. Anyway, if you are using BC, and you keep hearing condemnation from people I can see why you would find it tiresome. All I can tell you is, either avoid the people who annoy you, or if you can’t, then try to steer the conversation on to another topic. If you are thinking about coming to Church, don’t let them stop you. You’re doing it for yourself. If we let everyone who annoys us dictate our lives to us, we’ll never be able to enjoy anything.

 

[DarkLight]

I misunderstood. So this comes up in the course of normal conversation and is not directed at you? I don’t understand why they are harping on this topic “over and over and over”. Anyway, if you are using BC, and you keep hearing condemnation from people I can see why you would find it tiresome. All I can tell you is, either avoid the people who annoy you, or if you can’t, then try to steer the conversation on to another topic. If you are thinking about coming to Church, don’t let them stop you. You’re doing it for yourself. If we let everyone who annoys us dictate our lives to us, we’ll never be able to enjoy anything.

Sometimes normal course of conversation, or often lessons from the pulpit. I’ve also had a time or two (including one woman who just would not stop talking) where someone has intruded on an otherwise private conversation.

I’ve been Catholic for a bit, it’s just tiring looking for community and feeling like there’s so much judgement around. For one who tries to be faithful and wants to hang around others who are faithful, yet finds that faithfulness often comes with a judgmental and hanging on to ideas that are perhaps beyond what the Church teaches as though they were integral to the faith.

 

[boomerang]

Sometimes normal course of conversation, or often lessons from the pulpit. I’ve also had a time or two (including one woman who just would not stop talking) where someone has intruded on an otherwise private conversation.

I’ve been Catholic for a bit, it’s just tiring looking for community and feeling like there’s so much judgement around. For one who tries to be faithful and wants to hang around others who are faithful, yet finds that faithfulness often comes with a judgmental and hanging on to ideas that are perhaps beyond what the Church teaches as though they were integral to the faith.

No Christian should sit in judgement of others. Didn’t Jesus warn about this? I was telling my mother about some of the horrible comments I read on the web anytime the Pope or Catholic Church is mentioned. She said, “Yes, aren’t those atheists terrible?!!” and I told her “Ma, it’s not the atheists, it’s the Christians!” Thinking back, one of the most non-judgmental persons I ever met was a Mormon. He was more Christian than most Christians.

If you are searching for a congregation that isn’t judgemental, you’re not going to find one until you die and go to heaven. That said, don’t let your feathers get ruffled by the comments of others. We are all struggling to get through this life the best way we know how.

 

[DarkLight]

No Christian should sit in judgement of others. Didn’t Jesus warn about this? I was telling my mother about some of the horrible comments I read on the web anytime the Pope or Catholic Church is mentioned. She said, “Yes, aren’t those atheists terrible?!!” and I told her “Ma, it’s not the atheists, it’s the Christians!” Thinking back, one of the most non-judgmental persons I ever met was a Mormon. He was more Christian than most Christians.

If you are searching for a congregation that isn’t judgemental, you’re not going to find one until you die and go to heaven. That said, don’t let your feathers get ruffled by the comments of others. We are all struggling to get through this life the best way we know how.

Still, it’s frustrating realizing that your options seem to be those who will stand in judgement of your choices, or those who will dismiss your faith. The options I’ve found on that issue are either people who rail against all use of birth control pills, or people who don’t care at all about the church’s teaching. Not much for having friends there!

 

[mommamaree]

Dark Light,

Just to give you a little perspective, which might help you be at peace…

If I recall, you are a young woman, and you have medical reasons for therapeutic use of hormonal contraceptive medication, but you are using them for noncontraceptive reasons, right? And you are a faithful Catholic, too. Am I recalling correctly?

As a woman, anything and everything that one does with one’s body (attire, hair style, having children or not having children, medications, breastfeeding or not, agreeing to sexual relations or not, whether married or not) is going to be scrutinized and attacked and will draw heaps of condemnation upon you by some group or another. You will often find that the strongest condemnation you experience will come from other women. This has nothing to do with the faith a person holds to. It has everything to do with culture. In our society and in many cultures across the world, what women do with their bodies is seen as a matter to be decided by public opinion polls, even if we are taking about morally neutral or good actions she might take. It is hard, but it does get easier when you begin to be able to anticipate it and steel yourself against it. That is really one of the most beautiful things about our Catholic faith. Once we assure ourselves that we are acting within the boundaries of our faith, any condemnation or censure we receive for our choices can be dismissed and let go of.

With respect to your situation, trust yourself and your doctors. You know you are staying in accord with Church teaching and you are using a medication for a licit therapeutic purpose. You know the risks and the benefits. Just ignore the opinions that upset you. They do not have to live with your suffering. They don’t get to make decisions for you. So don’t let it trouble you.

God bless you!

 

[Bruised_Reed]

And to add to what Mommamaree posted I will that some people just have a need to criticize and tell others that they are wrong. Note how often these same people say something positive. If they actually agree with something, they will usually be agreeing with someone who is saying something critical or negative.

And as to the idea of sour grapes - not everyone is going to embrace biblical or church teaching and it’s good to have non-religious reasons to avoid certain things. However, the Church doesn’t teach that hormonal contraceptives are wrong because there are negative side effects. It’s good to be informed about side effects but it bugs me too when I’m reading a thread and I see the inevitable post about the side effects of hormonal treatment especially if the OP has already acknowledged that.

I won’t go into it but I don’t see the same attention given to hysterectomies and the complications of that treatment is significant. And considering that about 90% of hysterectomies are elective it seems like a big deal should be made about that, too.