The Mass - There is no substitute (even in a mixed Marriage)!

[spanky]

Since our relationship started, my wife and I have “taken turns” each Sunday in determining where to go to church. My Catholic faith has strengthened dramatically in the past couple of years. Therefore, I’m no longer willing to miss Mass unless there’s a good reason. I am still willing to attend her Lutheran (LCMS) church with her, but not as a substitute for Mass. So, on weeks when it’s “her turn,” I will attend a Saturday evening or early Sunday Mass alone and then attend services at her church later Sunday morning.

She has displayed a bit of tension about my lack of flexibility in fulfulling my Sunday obligation and wonders what I think I’m missing when attending her church.

I know what’s missing but I’m having trouble expressing it without sounding “holier than thou.” Can anyone provide advice on explaining how important it is for me not to miss Mass. And furthermore, that attending her church does not meet this requirement.

~ Keep in mind - this is my wife and I’m not interested in winning an argument but sincerely expressing church teachings to her in a loving way.

THanks and God Bless you all…

 

[Genesis315]

Jesus is truly, really, and physically present in the Eucharist. Why would anyone want to ever miss out on that for any reason?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

spanky:

I know what’s missing but I’m having trouble expressing it without sounding “holier than thou.” Can anyone provide advice on explaining how important it is for me not to miss Mass. And furthermore, that attending her church does not meet this requirement.

~ Keep in mind - this is my wife and I’m not interested in winning an argument but sincerely expressing church teachings to her in a loving way.

THanks and God Bless you all…

I am married to a Catholic man. What worked best in our case is when he showed me his beliefs “in writing”… for example, the Catechism and other official Church documents. This left no room for me to take it personally when Mass seemed to conflict with what I wanted or needed to do on Sunday. This is no longer an issue for us as I am only a few weeks away from becoming a Catholic myself.:dancing:

So my suggestion is to show your wife where it states that Sunday Mass is a day of obligation for you as a Catholic and that it would be a sin for you to miss it in favor of a Lutheran service. If she respects you and your beliefs then she should be able to understand that you are not “dissing” her faith but instead are being faithful to your own.

Malia

 

[spanky]

Genesis315:

Jesus is truly, really, and physically present in the Eucharist. Why would anyone want to ever miss out on that for any reason?

Absolutely! I’d receive the Eucharist everyday if daily Mass didn’t occur when I’m supposed to be at work.

Another point she likes to make is that I didn’t always feel that way about my church… and that I’m only now taking my faith so seriously because I’m trying to step up to her challenges of Catholicism.

 

[spanky]

Malia,

Congratulations! I’m very happy for you and your husband.

Thanks for the advice. I’ve armed myself with several books to defend Catholicism, including the Catechism of the Catholic Church. I’ve been quite passive in my approach, leaving books, pamphlets, and tracts (printed off of this site) out for her to see. She has leafed through a few books and even read one. Guess it’s time to be a bit more direct.

I really do not like to discuss religion with her because I can get too emotional. Please pray for me to gather the strength, courage, and wisdom necessary to properly express our faith.

 

[La_Chiara]

Are you trying to convince her or convert her? Because it seems that may serve only to make her very upset. Perhaps you just need to state clearly that this is where you are and what you need. Don’t apologize because you have become stronger in your Catholic faith. But stand your ground that you have a strong need to be a practicing Catholic.

Have you read books about Catholic converts? There are a number by Scott and Kim Hahn, as well as by Patrick Madrid–“Surprised by the Truth,” I think is the name. There are also some great links to web sites of converts to Catholicism that might help you understand her reservations. Also, you might search for other threads about non-Catholic spouses. Good luck.

 

[Brenda_V]

spanky:

Another point she likes to make is that I didn’t always feel that way about my church… and that I’m only now taking my faith so seriously because I’m trying to step up to her challenges of Catholicism.

You can say to her that she is right about this because her challenges of Catholicism have made you learn more about your Faith and it is in this knowledge that you have a greater desire to attend Mass at the very least once a week!

With the knowledge that you have gained in trying to accept her challenges, you are finding more truths that you don’t want to miss out on - most especially is the fact that Jesus is present Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist.

I pray for you both. It is not easy being in a mixed marriage (I am and we have lasted 26+ years!)

Brenda V.

 

[spanky]

Are you trying to convince her or convert her?

I’m trying to convince her of my sincere intention to live as a serious Catholic. If she converts someday because of my ability to provide convincing answers to her questions, I’d be quite tickled.

Brenda - You’ve noticed that without my wife, I may not have pursued the truth of Catholicism. She’s truly a gift from God. I think He united us together in order to strengthen our faith.

 

[Brenda_V]

Spanky - I know from experience that this is true - that our non-Catholic spouses can sometimes bring us closer to our Catholic roots. I know that I would have pursued more knowledge of my Catholicism without my husband spurring me on but not the the extent that I have.

Yes, our non-Catholic spouses can be a great gift from God. He knows what we need and sometimes it is that someone who is very close to our hearts to make us look into our Faith more closely.

Again, I say, don’t be afraid to tell your wife that it is her questions that have caused you to find the answers and have brought you to where you are today in your faith walk!

Continue to be a loving husband. Remember that the husband is asked the far harder task of “loving his wife as Christ has loved His church” (remember, He loved us, His church, so much that he died on the cross for us). She is only asked to obey her husband.

Brenda V.

 

[space_ghost]

spanky:

I’m trying to convince her of my sincere intention to live as a serious Catholic. If she converts someday because of my ability to provide convincing answers to her questions, I’d be quite tickled.

Brenda - You’ve noticed that without my wife, I may not have pursued the truth of Catholicism. She’s truly a gift from God. I think He united us together in order to strengthen our faith.

…great post:thumbsup: