The Necessity of 'Mind Games' in Dating?

[Byrnwiga]

Having read the thread entitled “Should I shoot down Cupid?” (here: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=682951) and a few others on the topic of dating, I’m somewhat surprised by the reliance on and/or implied necessity of ‘mind games’ and (so-called) ‘strategizing’ in the dating process.

I find it deceptive. So my questions are these: are such things necessary in dating? In courting? (if there is a difference in that regard) Is it even moral to manipulate people?

I read a few posts about the “Ladder Theory”; it’s quite shocking; do people really presume malice or selfishness on the part of others? It doesn’t seem like a good start to a marriage.

Just to assist everyone in their responses: I’m a young male Catholic who has not dated before.

Thanks for your replies.

-Byrnwiga

 

[Nelka]

I hated mind games and would not do any myself.

If the person I was dating or was hoping to date played mind games I would end it as I don’t want to be a part of it.

 

[Crescentinus]

There are those who use dating mind games to create drama. The reason is because they want more drama in that relationship. They cannot appreciate the relationship.

 

[lerapt78]

I find it deceptive. So my questions are these: are such things necessary in dating? In courting? (if there is a difference in that regard) Is it even moral to manipulate people?

I read a few posts about the “Ladder Theory”; it’s quite shocking; do people really presume malice or selfishness on the part of others? It doesn’t seem like a good start to a marriage.

Hi OP,

I think you’ll get a lot of different answers here I think there is a great deal of cynicism among young people when it comes to dating these days, and many people will act selfishly in order to protect their own interests. Is it necessary? No, not always, but it is wise to be prepared for it.

(I think the level of expectation also has to do with the type of person you’re usually attracted to.)

 

[agnes_therese]

“Mind games” always led to a “goodbye” from me.

 

[Byrnwiga]

Hi OP,

I think you’ll get a lot of different answers here I think there is a great deal of cynicism among young people when it comes to dating these days, and many people will act selfishly in order to protect their own interests. Is it necessary? No, not always, but it is wise to be prepared for it.

I guess I am rather naive when it comes to dating/courting in the sense that I think one’s intentions should be expressed clearly and not put through a ‘filter’ of mind games and ambiguous language.

Is it necessary to become familiar with such ‘games’ in order to avoid them?

(I think the level of expectation also has to do with the type of person you’re usually attracted to.)

I’m not sure what my level of expectation is (and should be), but I would hope the types of people I’m attracted to would not engage in deception and manipulation.

 

[Byrnwiga]

I hated mind games and would not do any myself.

If the person I was dating or was hoping to date played mind games I would end it as I don’t want to be a part of it.

Is your view a common one? While I hope mind games aren’t necessary, I can’t help but feel it isn’t widespread given the state of the world.

Out of curiosity, would such mind games be practiced on Catholic dating sites?

-Byrnwiga

 

[Andre1000]

Actually, everyone plays mind games. Some people are very good at mind games by nature, like having a very good body language and instinctively asking the right questions and so on.
But other people do not have this naturally, they try to copy them by practicing ‘Mind Games’, and I cannot see something wrong with them.

But some people use that to break the will of someone and that’s a sin.

 

[TheCartoonist]

I think that “mind games” were common for me and my ex-boyfriend before we started dating. We’d always be trying to catch each other’s attention anyway we could, including making the other person jealous. That was almost 4 year ago now, and he’s the only boyfriend I’ve had, so I think I’ve learned better since then! Once we actually starting dating/courting we really opened up to each other and stopped the games.

Personally, I’m not into the whole mind game thing anymore. I was only 16/17 a the time. I’d rather not go through all that again… but who knows, love makes people do crazy things!