The other side of the NFP/birth control coin

[beafedor]

My big picture here is the “quiverfull” mindset I’ve witnessed for years as a Protestant. It’s intriguing to me that those people are not Catholic (!)… but I’ve spent a lot of time around one family in particular, and if they had a motto it would be “The Lord Will Provide.” And I don’t much see that here at CAF. The Catholic attitude toward procreation seems to be that God has given us a measure of control for a reason and we ought to wield that control wisely. Yet if there’s a good reason not to have children, why does God give us children when we think the timing isn’t right/we can’t afford them/etc.? Or does God do the giving? Who’s really in control over this? Or is the answer never the same?

And this brings up a host of other questions for me again re: where exactly God is in fertility/conception. I asked those questions in my very first post on this forum, which I believe was in this Moral Theology sub-forum. If anyone is interested I’m assuming there is a way to find my posts. There were maybe three replies. All issues I’m still mulling over. (I have miscarried before.)

We are, as a family, in a state of transition which will likely last a few more years (school, etc.). Without going into details, if I were to become pregnant again (which would not necessarily be on purpose even if I allowed us to slip up in our timing), my state would pay for the pregnancy and delivery, for which I feel guilty. Also, this is far from an ideal time for many, many reasons. Yet having only just recently emerged from Quiverfull Land, I feel residual guilt over not trusting God with my fertility. I’m almost 100% certain failure to abstain during fertile times would result in another pregnancy within a cycle or two. A pregnancy which we technically can’t afford.

I have the additional issue of my husband not being Catholic. He may someday convert but he’s not on board right now. He goes along with my newfound Catholic convictions but our abstinence during the fertile [or maybe-fertile or let’s-just-be-extra-careful] times prior to ovulation is often not mutual. He doesn’t pressure me or guilt-trip me (he is so wonderful, really) but, well, he can’t help but let me know he’s not on the wagon, you know? And he would love to have another baby. So this burden is mine and I’m often left with feelings of guilt and selfishness all around. What in the world do I do about all of this? What’s my ultimate moral obligation here? I feel like I might be sinning no matter what.

If I just got pregnant, none of this would matter anymore! …Or it wouldn’t matter for about a year, anyway, and then I’d be right back here not knowing what to do. I really need to know and be satisfied that I’m doing the right thing. Please help this crazy mom.

My husband and I have never been Protestants, but we are the " Lord will provide" and “God’s in charge” kind of couple. We don’t use contraception nor NFP and so far I’ve been pregnant twice, the kids are 2 years apart (4 years of marriage). We are not in one of the serious situations that justify the use of NFP. I guess if we were at some point, we would pray to discern if we should use NFP. As it is, we go natural and pray “God will be done”.

 

[Bluegoat]

THis is an interesting question.

I tend to think there are times when it would be a good idea to abstain to avoid conception. And if the reason was powerful enough, it would mean total abstinance, since NFP can fail.

I know of a couple who married who had serious psychiatric issues. The were, however, commited Catholics, and had several pregnancies, and were not in any way capable of caring for the children.

The children were cared for by other family members, and were certianly loved, but those family members were not in good physical health and elderly, and it was in many ways difficult for them.

I do not know if this couple practiced NFP. I do know the family wondered if it was really right for the priest to agree to marry them. I understand it could be a bit of a dilemma for the priest with no good answer. But I can’t help but think once they were married, avoiding conception would be a good thing.

That being said - I think if you are wondering, it may be a sign that the reasons for avoiding aren’t serious in the way required to justify NFP, especially if your spouse also disagrees.

On a personal note, I would not feel badly about the state paying for the medical costs, if that is the main issue. That may be because it always does here in Canada, but that is my feeling.

I do think many people would benefit from the attitude you see among many quiverful families, that they do not have to “control” everything and some things really can be left up to God. It’s very easy to let NFP rule us with a kind of fear of loss of control identical to that seen with ABC.