The pain of the scruples

[brown_bear]

Those who suffer from scruples have a great pain.

Under the ashes, however, there is the embers of God’s love.

We don’t have to be strict with the scrupulous, they have already found too many strict people, and maybe that’s why they think of God as hyper-strict.

The scrupulous needs affection, and criteria - for example: only the will opens the doors to sin, not involuntary thoughts - and to be directed to spiritual direction.

I know that it is hard to help scrupulous people, and that they are very numerous.

This is why we are many: when you are exhausted, I take over, and vice versa.

---

PS Let’s see on which absolutely secondary word I’ll be nailed today

 

[Montrose]

Those who suffer from scruples have a great pain.

Under the ashes, however, there is the embers of God’s love.

We don’t have to be strict with the scrupulous, they have already found too many strict people, and maybe that’s why they think of God as hyper-strict.

The scrupulous needs affection, and criteria - for example: only the will opens the doors to sin, not involuntary thoughts - and to be directed to spiritual direction.

I know that it is hard to help scrupulous people, and that they are very numerous.

This is why we are many: when you are exhausted, I take over, and vice versa.

PS Let’s see on which absolutely secondary word I’ll be nailed today

The only thing I have to say is that anyone who is scrupulous should not come to these forums asking about sins.
They should talk to their priest/spiritual director and/or doctor.

 

[brown_bear]

They should, but they don’t.

So what do we do?

Do we treat them badly, so they “understand”?

 

[Montrose]

They should, but they don’t.

So what do we do?

Do we treat them badly, so they “understand”?

We advise them not to ask questions here and to see their priest/spiritual director/doctor.

 

[brown_bear]

Yes, that’s what I said too, only I would like to do it kindly, sympathetically if possible.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

No one is being strict with the scrupulous here.

We’ve been directed to not encourage them to ask scrupulous questions here because it may be harmful to them.

It’s my understanding there’s a protocol in place for dealing with them on here for a couple years now. A priest helped set it up. We try to follow it.

There are also various people who post here who suffer from scruples or have in the past, but they don’t make scrupulous “is this a sin?” posts. They just post normal discussion posts, which are fine.

Unfortunately, this forum is a magnet for the scrupulous to some degree, so we have to post a lot of “please don’t post these questions here, talk to your priest” or “follow what your priest already said” responses. Also when posting these responses, it is best to be concise. Posting some long response just encourages them to discuss more about their scruples.

 

[brown_bear]

I understand your point of view well and, while thinking that a quick hug cannot do any harm, I will certainly make my own the guidelines of the group, which you have set out.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If your posting style is to offer the “quick hug” then feel free. We are all different and we sometimes learn from each other.

Some posters have a posting style more like what in the US is called “tough love” where people are advised to be firm and concise with the person to whom they are giving a rule. The idea being that sometimes being “too kind” causes confusion as to where the boundary is, or discourages the person from following the boundary.

 

[Limoncello4021]

One thing we never want to do is to affirm people in their scruples. We seem to be in a society that wants to “affirm” every affliction without calling a spade a spade. Scrupulosity is a very harmful spiritual malady and needs to be submitted to the counsel of a wise spiritual director. It can take years and much work to overcome. So let’s be clear that we do not want to encourage the scrupulous in their scruples in any way, but to advise them charitably of the scrupulous nature of their posts and that they must stop posting and see a priest. Unfortunately, as Tis Bearself says, this place appears to attract the scrupulous and I have noted that many actually come on announcing that they are scrupulous as if it is a badge of honor or something before they post. Red flags all around should go off and that person advised to see a priest in the first and only answer. But rather, these posts can go on and on with people trying to help out, usually badly.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

many actually come on announcing that they are scrupulous as if it is a badge of honor or something before they post

Yes, and we have had posters who actually complain that these folks aren’t scrupulous, they are just trying to follow their faith or live holy lives. Scrupulosity is actually an impediment to leading a holy life, and saints who had it recognized that. Scrupulosity is a disorder, it is not a case of somebody trying harder to be holy.

 

[Limoncello4021]

Exactly. Experienced spiritual counselors will tell you that scrupulosity is very often much more of a detriment to true spiritual progress than the sins we normally think are the worst possible offenses against God, because scrupulosity is often seen by the scrupulous as close to sanctity. In reality, true sanctity has a certain joy and freedom of spirit, rather than constriction of the spirit that comes with scrupulosity.

 

[Vico]

Those who suffer from scruples have a great pain.
…

I observed that some that worry excessively do not understand that sin is a voluntary offense. Instead the person may mistake automatic thoughts for sins.

 

[brown_bear]

We all agree that the scrupulous must heal through spiritual direction.

I have no problems as I mentioned to work in a team according to the guidelines of the group.

However, I feel free to internally cultivate an attitude of profound benevolence, sympathy, towards the scrupulous, in a way that does not contradict the resolutions in place, as Tis_Bearself explained well.

 

[Cruciferi]

I know that it is hard to help scrupulous people, and that they are very numerous.

Yes and it’s NOT our place here to do anything more than refer them to get help.

I recommend that people suffering from Scrupulosity see a Catholic Therapist:

Bad luck . broken mirror Catholic Living

We are sincerely sorry to hear of your struggles. However, the CA Forums are unfortunately not set up to provide intensive spiritual counseling. Our best advice is for you to seek out a good priest on the local level who knows you or can get to know you because he’ll be treating you in the most fruitful counseling environment: a three-dimensional one. You may also wish to consider getting other support on the local level from a licensed counselor who is respectful of your Catholic Faith. Regard…

 

[bob4]

If any here know that a particular poster is scrupulous I urge them to suggest the poster visit this web site: https://scrupulousanonymous.org/
Scrupulous Anonymous has been around for decades and are a very good source of assistance for those who have this difficulty.

 

[brown_bear]

I thank you from my heart, I had never heard of this site, I cannot evaluate it, but I can say that the idea of helping the scrupulous in a systematic way fills me with joy.

 

[brown_bear]

If any here know that a particular poster is scrupulous I urge them to suggest the poster visit this web site: https://scrupulousanonymous.org/
Scrupulous Anonymous has been around for decades and are a very good source of assistance for those who have this difficulty.

I think we should look into this site a lot, maybe just to say that it doesn’t seem suitable.

What would really perplex me is if no one took it into consideration, if everyone ignored it.

If we are truly interested and fond of our scrupolous friends, it would be strange if we do not delve into it.

 

[brown_bear]

I observed that some that worry excessively do not understand that sin is a voluntary offense. Instead the person may mistake automatic thoughts for sins.

Exact! Some general criteria can always be given, then of course the precision work is done in the spiritual direction; but many times saying a general thing such as: “Only the will can sin” reassures a person without failing then to say: “Do spiritual direction!”.