The Plight of the Introvert

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MarieVeronica

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Why are introverted souls, so often misunderstood in this world? People who are naturally quiet, soft spoken, gentle, thoughtful… being viewed as odd or undesirable in some way?

Speaking from personal experience, at nearly age 58… I’ve lost track the number of times, throughout my life… I’ve heard phrases such as: “Loosen up!”… “Smile, it won’t kill you!”… “Don’t be so serious!”… “You’re too quiet”… “You’re too shy!”… “Is something wrong?”… “You’re too focused, don’t work so hard!”… “You don’t have much to say, do you?”… “Are you ill?”…

… and my all time favorite, (which, btw… I usually hear after I DO speak up)… “SAY THAT AGAIN?” (as though I wasn’t heard or understood the first time… simply because they’re surprised that I did say something). Really?

And on and on. Throughout school… into the work years… in so many different situations. Introverts hear it all. Again and again.

Why? Is it because we don’t react boisterously… screeching with laughter, every time someone tells a ribald joke or dirty story? Because we won’t participate in gossip? Because the tone of our voice is soft… and maybe we’re physically incapable of competing with the human steamrollers… who MUST be heard, at all costs? Because we’re private people, and won’t answer such insensitive questions as “How old are you?”

Personally, over the years… I’ve sometimes felt “bullied” at work… because I’m introverted. Such is the case now, in a new job of just 3 weeks. Once again, I’m being told (quite aggressively, by one co-worker) “loosen up, you’re too focused”… the exact words used. In the same breath… I’m also told, that I’m doing a good job. I can’t understand such a conflicting statement!

And I know, I’m not alone. I’ve heard other introverts (people I actually know) sharing similar experiences.

I’d like to say this: There is nothing abnormal about an introverted soul. Just because an introvert is different than you, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them. I would venture to guess… that everyone knows at least one such person. Out of a group of maybe half a dozen people… you’ll probably find one introvert. We aren’t even necessarily shy… as people often think. Instead of assuming there’s something wrong with them… try this. Learn from them. Introverted people are typically very good listeners. If they speak, listen. They probably have something of value to contribute. If they don’t speak… leave them alone! Don’t zero in on them, and pick them apart. Value them for who they are!

Our dear Lord said… “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth”. (Matthew 5:5)

Who has the right to judge a quiet, thoughtful person? We have no idea… what their life story is. No idea what they’ve been through. And no right to try and change them. Are any of us perfect? No! Can you even imagine the noise level in this world, if everyone was boisterous? Quiet people have a purpose.

We all develop over our lives, according to our individual experiences. Right? Maybe people suffer from illness or loss of loved ones. Maybe they have financial concerns… which shape them into the person you currently know (at work or school). Some people suffer tragedies in their lives, that are unimaginable. All of this could contribute to a person being introverted. There is just no telling.

We’re all unique and while some people may handle life in a high spirited manner, others may… instead… retreat a little. I wish that everyone could learn to recognize and accept… the quieter people in day to day life… just as they are. And stop trying to change such souls into the “image and likeness” of themselves.

If by posting this, I can get just one “out-going” person, to recognize and value an introvert in their life… and maybe pass it on… then I would be happy.

God bless.
 
Interesting bur why is what others think so vital to you? Can you not be at peace with yourself without the angst of this? I have always been pretty much a thoughtful loner. If folk want to think this is odd, their problem and their loss

And not sure introvert is the right definition.

People can be so unkind can they not? No need to fall for it. You have a gift of quietness you can live in. Live in it.
 
I know what you mean… I’m the same way. Sometimes people think I look sad but I’m just thinking 🙂 I’m a pretty quiet person and people don’t always hear me when I talk even asking a question in a store. I know some people are like this and they care about what people think, and others don’t really care, I think some are just more sensitive than others.

What helped me to deal with this is to remember that this kind of quietness might reflect the intimacy and secrecy of one’s relationship with God. I don’t think it’s bad at all to be quiet, just not culturally acceptable today. A quiet person doesn’t mean they are uncharitable either, they are just not so ‘out there’

I wrote a blog post recently about God’s interior relationship with the soul… sometimes I think that quietness is almost like a sign of this visually, because the interior of the person remains hidden, all for Jesus, who is the greatest Friend. I believe that this pleases Him, and of course it’s true for every soul, quiet or outgoing. 🙂 what I’m trying to say though is that each personality reflects something different about God and about our relationship with Him, perhaps. So each one is needed, though in society some are more preferable than others. maryslittleflower.wordpress.com/2016/08/17/unique-and-precious/

I’ve been trying to learn to see myself more like how God might see me, instead of how society sees me. This has been helping though I still have a long way to go. But I think that’s something that can help.

God bless you!
 
Rosebud77 said:
Interesting bur why is what others think so vital to you?
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It happens. I think we all want to be accepted as we are & not constantly criticised. One of the worst periods of my life was when I tried to be what I thought others wanted me to be. It didn’t work out well at all. I wasn’t happy & people still kept criticising me. Apparently I don’t know the correct way to be an extrovert.

Nobody criticises me now because I pretty much stay away from those people. I’ve also gotten strong enough that when people say those strange things, I just stare at them. Sometimes I’ll say something like, “Really?” Works like a charm. 😃
 
Carl Jung is the psychologist that introduced the notion that people have extroverted and introverted personalities. Carl Jung never claimed that one was superior to the other, but that both personality traits are of great value to society. It’s the mainstream psychologists of today, along with the mass media, that make people believe that extroversion is somehow superior to introversion.
 
i’ve always thought God/life/genes had played a cruel joke on me: introvert in a world tailor-made for extroverts, with poor learning capacity and (working) memory in a world where success and growth hinge on one’s capacity to learn, and social anxiety and crippling shyness in a world where human relations and being around people are inevitable. Had some stuff said to me over the years me that scarred me irreversibly. Sorry to be graphic, but I would saw off my right leg unanesthesized to escape who I am. As you might’ve guessed my relationship with God can get slightly strained at times!🙂 I am not fishing for compliments, encouragement or comfort. Things are what they are. I’m just stating what I see. I’m forever stuck in a mental prison.
 
I know how irritating it can be. I attended a party once. This guy comes over and says to me, “You know those people over there at the table. Why don’t you go say hello?”

I was just enjoying my ice cream, but I got up and went over to the table, where they all had that tight, little smile, and ignored me. Meantime the guy took my chair! He didn’t want to stand all evening.

Sometimes I poke fun at how people are, not to be mean, but to lighten up. The conversation goes, “You are such an introvert!”

Me: “You think I’m a what? What is an introvert? Some kind of bug?”

So then I go into one of my “routines.”

“You know, the reason God created bugs? That’s because when we live alone, we get lonely. As long as you have a bug in your house, you’re really not alone. I usually name my bugs!”
 
Thank you, all… for your thoughtful responses.

A few of you seem to understand what I’m saying. A few of you seem puzzled. The responses here are like a microcosm of what I have experienced at work, school… pretty much throughout my life. And I know there are those, who would agree.

I suppose in addition to being an introvert… I could also say I’m sensitive. That could explain why “Rosebud77” (a self proclaimed ‘thoughtful loner’) questions why I should care at all! Let me just say, that the opinions of others are not necessarily “vital” to me… as phrased. You made an assumption with that. I’m just one of those people who finds intolerance very difficult. Whether it is toward myself… or another (and I’m witnessing it). I was always one of those kids in school… who would befriend the kids being bullied by others. I’ve done so on the job, as well.

I guess some introverts are perfectly fine, with being that “thoughtful loner”. While others really would like to “belong”; to be a part of a team and be accepted, just as they are. But it should never be at the expense of ones own personality… some of which we are born with; and some of which, develops over time from our own life experiences. The fact that Carl Jung “introduced the notion” of extroverts/introverts… is just a way of saying… he labeled a certain reality. Gave it a name. It didn’t come into existence, when he introduced it. I would venture to say, that these personality traits have always been around.

It’s very difficult… to go a lifetime… feeling that you don’t measure up… simply because others are intolerant of those who are not carbon copies of themselves. It does indeed happen. When someone tells you “Loosen up”… it’s a way of saying “You’re not behaving the way I’d like you to behave. So please change.” 😦 I would think that this would cause even an insensitive person… some amount of discomfort. Let alone, having it happen over and over again… throughout your lifetime.

Intolerance like that is the reason so many schools now have “No bullying” policies in place.

There are people who will get what I’m saying. And people who won’t. I just hope that maybe I’ve raised a little awareness of “sensitive” introverts, especially in the workplace or school. They have a right to be the person God created them to be. They don’t have to change… to fit in. God bless.
 
Sounds like the story of my life. As I reach middle age, I’ve gotten to the point that I can shrug off the criticism and be comfortable with myself. I now realise that a lot of people feign extroversion because they are uncomfortable with themselves and they seem to think they can conceal their perceived shortcomings with a lot of noise and action. The shallowness of modern secular Western culture has produced a lot of people who cannot tolerate silence because it would mean confronting the “still small voice” within themselves and they are uncomfortable with others who are more introspective.
 
saellis said:
Sounds like the story of my life. As I reach middle age, I’ve gotten to the point that I can shrug off the criticism and be comfortable with myself. I now realise that a lot of people feign extroversion because they are uncomfortable with themselves and they seem to think they can conceal their perceived shortcomings with a lot of noise and action. The shallowness of modern secular Western culture has produced a lot of people who cannot tolerate silence because it would mean confronting the “still small voice” within themselves and they are uncomfortable with others who are more introspective.
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So sorry, saellis. 😦 It does hurt. And your comments do illustrate that that sort of criticism can degenerate into bullying of a quieter, more thoughtful soul. An introvert, in other words. God bless you.
 
I totally see what you mean. I think I’m one of those sensitive quiet people because I feel hurt when I’m expected to change and be more outgoing to “fit in”.

That being said, I don’t want to feel bitter about my personality because it happens to not be so accepted by others. I dont think anyone should have to change how God made them just to fit in. If people don’t like it, it doesn’t mean God made a mistake with me. I’ve been trying to accept my personality regardless of others’ opinion of it.

I think there are many good things about being a quieter person. It can dispose to hear God, to pray, value silence, and keep yourself to be known to God. The intimacy of that can be very beautiful. Sometimes I feel like no one really knows me but Him, but that actually brings me closer to God.
 
Bonnie said:
It happens. I think we all want to be accepted as we are & not constantly criticised. One of the worst periods of my life was when I tried to be what I thought others wanted me to be. It didn’t work out well at all. I wasn’t happy & people still kept criticising me. Apparently I don’t know the correct way to be an extrovert.

Nobody criticises me now because I pretty much stay away from those people. I’ve also gotten strong enough that when people say those strange things, I just stare at them. Sometimes I’ll say something like, “Really?” Works like a charm. 😃
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Same here.

Another weapon? Sarcasm. Works like a charm.

But then I am careful not to deploy this weapon too casually. If I am not, it is an occasion of sin for me.
 
“Cat got your tongue?” is another question I used to get a lot. It used to bother me, but now it really does not. I enjoy being comfortable with quietness.

Occasionally people get insecure when an introvert is being quiet around them because they’re worried over what the quiet person may be thinking about them. I usually try to let the uncomfortable party know I’m just focused on my work and I appreciate their presence even if I’m not talking.
 
AbideWithMe said:
“Cat got your tongue?” is another question I used to get a lot. It used to bother me, but now it really does not. I enjoy being comfortable with quietness.

Occasionally people get insecure when an introvert is being quiet around them because they’re worried over what the quiet person may be thinking about them. I usually try to let the uncomfortable party know I’m just focused on my work and I appreciate their presence even if I’m not talking.
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Agreed. A lot of people always say I look like I’m secretly judging people. Lol. Extroverts don’t understand how introverts don’t feel the need to constantly talk and are usually worried over it. Same with introverts thinking that extroverts can be ‘fake’
 
I suppose in addition to being an introvert… I could also say I’m sensitive. That could explain why “Rosebud77” (a self proclaimed ‘thoughtful loner’) questions why I should care at all! Let me just say, that the opinions of others are not necessarily “vital” to me… as phrased. You made an assumption with that. I’m just one of those people who finds intolerance very difficult. Whether it is toward myself… or another (and I’m witnessing it). I was always one of those kids in school… who would befriend the kids being bullied by others. I’ve done so on the job, as well.

I was like that too; but then I changed and when I was wrongly diagnosed as mentally ill I learned what isolation was really about, I had “nowhere to run to and no one cared for my soul.”

So I adapted and am happy in my skin which is what happiness is really about. And you will surely not be happy among others until you are happy in your skin?

As for school; I was always the one being bullied and now if it happens the person doing it gets hell . Life is too short and too precious to waste.

But then I am very old.Heading towards 80 at an accelerating rate… Still getting bullied but fighting back …
 
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