The priest’s smile is bothering my daughter

[MarieFrances]

My daughter and I attended the mother-daughter retreat last weekend. It was a good experience. We enjoyed it very much. However, my daughter told me that the most thing stuck in her mind is the smile of the priest to the other group, Spanish women’s ACTS group. There were “Mother-daughter” retreat and ACTS retreat at the same weekend there. This priest is from our parish originally Spanish speaking.

The problem is that this priest never smiles to us who attend English mass. He is very strict. When three children signed up for the altar server at the Easter morning mass this year, arrived 30 min before and already dressed in the robe, he arrived and told them “I don’t need many altar servers. I just need one. There is no room to sit three in the altar.” We are all upset. The deacon was very nice and he arranged to add more chairs and all three children could serve that morning. We have several things like this happening.

We have three priests in our parish. When the other two English speaking priests are serving at the mass, we (at least my daughter and I) feel lucky. Of course, we never show our feeling to this priest to others.

At the retreat, we saw him all smiling to Spanish women with a 120% smile. We thought, “Oh, he can smile that way.” I know priests are human and not perfect as an adult. But, what’s wrong with? How should I tell my 9 years old to understand this?

 

[IdaCatholic]

I think the example you can set is to focus on the Mass and the retreat and not the social skills of a foreign priest. People generally smile when familiar and comfortable in their surroundings. So perhaps creating a more familial environment for him will help. Have you had him over for dinner?

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

This seems like much ado about little. Just smile and move on.

 

[TheLittleLady]

How should I tell my 9 years old to understand this?

You tell your 9 year old that priests are human beings who smile sometimes and don’t smile at other times, they have good days and bad days just like every other person. You remind your daughter that we need to pray for our priests, to be kind to them, to not hold them to an impossible standard and that it is okay to have feelings.

 

[lil_user]

I wouldn’t give your daughter any feedback that leads her to think she’s entitled to judge the behavior of the priest in this way. The priest deserves respect. Frankly I’m amazed you’d even question his behavior, which I find very orthodox. Mass is not a children’s game, nor the sanctuary a playground. Altar service is a holy duty and the priest honors those whom he calls to assist him in this.

He could probably smile more, but that’s neither here nor there.

priests are human beings who smile sometimes and don’t smile at other times

 

[upant]

This seems like much ado about little. Just smile and move on.

Mass is not a children’s game, nor the sanctuary a playground.

try to tell that to the children that were told their services weren’t needed by the church?

why were 3 scheduled? more to the issue here. I would have had a word with the priest. the scheduler, etc.

people have lives to live and this is a commitment on their part. to show up and be told you’re not needed isn’t proper either.

if the priest can smile for some, he should smile for the future of the church, they are the most innocent.

yes, the priest deserves respect, but so do the lay helpers. It works both ways

How should I tell my 9 years old to understand this?

I would watch this and explain this to her

Forgive Me, I'm A Bad Priest: Words on Leadership - Fr. Jonathan Meyer - 11.5. 2017 Vocations

God Bless this Priest and all Priests and help us to remember what they deal with day in and day out. [Forgive Me, I'm A Bad Priest: Words on Leadership - Fr. Jonathan Meyer - 11.5. 2017]

 

[lil_user]

to show up and be told you’re not needed isn’t proper either.

This is true.

if the priest can smile for some, he should smile for the future of the church

Should is a strong word. But he definitely could.

the priest deserves respect, but so do the lay helpers. It works both ways

This is also true.

It seems, in retrospect, we focused on the wrong issue here. We started by talking about a minor external (smiling, which is nobody’s obligation and means different things in different scenarions and cultures) and we introduced more serious issues.

 

[IdaCatholic]

If you want a smiling priest at your Church. And you dont have one. Grow one.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Serving at mass is not a right, and the celebrant is in charge of Mass. If he does not need the scheduled servers, he does not need them. This is a time to teach children to respect authority and that Mass is about more than my chance to be candle bearer.

 

[upant]

Serving at mass is not a right, and the celebrant is in charge of Mass. If he does not need the scheduled servers, he does not need them. This is a time to teach children to respect authority and that Mass is about more than my chance to be candle bearer.

However, if he doesn’t need them, they shouldn’t have been scheduled.

Are there enough volunteers that the church can turn servers away?

 

[TheLittleLady]

In my experience, server schedules are done weeks or months ahead of time. Priest schedules, OTOH can change on a dime.

You may suddenly have Fr Joe who likes 5 servers or Fr Bill who only wants one because Fr Henry got sick. There is not time to send out an amended schedule, the servers all know that when they show up to serve there may be last minute changes. This is covered in their training.

 

[upant]

You may suddenly have Fr Joe who likes 5 servers or Fr Bill who only wants one because Fr Henry got sick

5 servers, we move in different circles.

 

[poche]

“Lord save us from sad saints” - St Teresa of Avila

 

[TheLittleLady]

5 is for the average Sunday Mass, on big days like Christmas there may be 7

 

[upant]

5 is for the average Sunday Mass, on big days like Christmas there may be 7

must be a big parish

 

[TheLittleLady]

1100 registered families

 

[AdamP88]

Not sure if you are saying the priest is a Spaniard or just from a Spanish speaking country. But in general the Spanish can be very direct and this may come across as rude to people who don’t get their culture. This might also be true for other Spanish speaking countries as the language often carries cultural attitudes.
In Europe we joke that if the Spanish get to a queue first, nobody else has a chance. But if they get there last, only 50% of them will make it to the front.

The other thing is that people naturally enjoy being in the company of people who speak their own language, and share their culture. It’s human nature. Think about it from the priest’s perspective. He could be far from his home, finding it difficult to minister in a strange parish, and just doing his best. The last thing he needs is people interpreting his actions for the worst.

 

[Psalm30]

The other thing is that people naturally enjoy being in the company of people who speak their own language, and share their culture. It’s human nature. Think about it from the priest’s perspective. He could be far from his home, finding it difficult to minister in a strange parish, and just doing his best. The last thing he needs is people interpreting his actions for the worst.

My grandmother is European and this describes her perfectly. She does speak English. However, she is very quiet and reserved around people who don’t speak her native language, but when she is around people who speak her native language, she really comes out of her shell. She doesn’t have any ill-intentions toward anyone. As Adam says it’s human nature.