The 'Recovering Catholic'

[mrsjennymulhall]

Good Morning!

After stewing over this incident for a few days and boring my poor husband to sobs about it, I’m taking it to the wise CAF folks…

Over Easter, I met a girl I hadn’t seen in yonks and we were chatting away about family, work, etc when she asked my plans for the weekend. There’s an Easter ‘Son Rise’ ceremony at mad o’clock Easter morning, so I told her I hoped to attend, then head home for a big family dinner and a tonne of chocolate.

She sort of squinted at me and said, ‘Ah, well! I’m a recovering Catholic; I’ll just stick to the chocolate’. Now, she wasn’t in the least bit rude and is a very sweet girl (we went to Catholic school together!) but that expression threw me for a loop. What could she have meant? Was I possibly ‘banging on’ about Mass Easter morning?

I laughed awkwardly and changed the subject but I’m tormented about it. I should have said something - anything! to make her feel welcome and not in need of ‘recovery’. What on Earth is a recovering Catholic anyway?

Urgh! I’m boring you all to sobs too; I can feel it! Please tell me; what could I or should I have done? Has anyone heard of this expression before?

Thank you,

Jenny x

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I think you handled it well. When people make jokes about faith, responding in a serious way would probably not help. The way I deal with it is that I ignore such comments and change the subject.

A recovering Catholic … I think it means that the person had an unpleasant experience with religion and is now recovering from it. Of course, many use it in an exaggerated way and simply mean that they are not practicing their faith.

 

[Humbly_Hopeful]

I would have said, “That’s too bad; I love being Catholic!” then I would have moved on. Pretty sure she meant she is no longer practicing her faith. Of course, you will want to say prayers for her.

 

[mountee]

As others have stated I have also heard people refer to themselves

 

[robwar]

Good Morning!

After stewing over this incident for a few days and boring my poor husband to sobs about it, I’m taking it to the wise CAF folks…

Over Easter, I met a girl I hadn’t seen in yonks and we were chatting away about family, work, etc when she asked my plans for the weekend. There’s an Easter ‘Son Rise’ ceremony at mad o’clock Easter morning, so I told her I hoped to attend, then head home for a big family dinner and a tonne of chocolate.

She sort of squinted at me and said, ‘Ah, well! I’m a recovering Catholic; I’ll just stick to the chocolate’. Now, she wasn’t in the least bit rude and is a very sweet girl (we went to Catholic school together!) but that expression threw me for a loop. What could she have meant? Was I possibly ‘banging on’ about Mass Easter morning?

I laughed awkwardly and changed the subject but I’m tormented about it. I should have said something - anything! to make her feel welcome and not in need of ‘recovery’. What on Earth is a recovering Catholic anyway?

Urgh! I’m boring you all to sobs too; I can feel it! Please tell me; what could I or should I have done? Has anyone heard of this expression before?

Thank you,

Jenny x

Usually when people use this term “recovering Catholic or recovering fundamentalist” probably means that they were once Catholic or fundamentalist and “wised up” in their mind and left. Don’t let it torment you and maybe next time you see her, you can ask her more about it or what she meant and why she said it.

 

[Yeoman]

The term “recovering [fill in blank here]” borrows from addictionology and is symptomatic of one of the great plagues of our age, which is to transfer any concept of correct behavior or incorrect behavior into pop psychology, thereby giving a person license to suspend any responsibility for their own conduct. Starting of with drugs and alcohol, to which people can be legitimately addicted, it spread into the concept that any vice was an addition and from that that any behavior at all might be a species of addition. In this way, in the modern world, we now have people who believe themselves to be addicted to nearly any behavior or vice and, beyond that, we have people who decide that if a standard applicable to just living is inconvenient, that it too is a psychological malady.

So, we have people who will apply that term to any religion, and I’ve heard it in conversation used by people who jokingly want to indicate that they’re fallen away Catholics. The gist of it is that their being raised Catholic instilled them with a view of the world which they now deem erroneous, but with which they still struggle, in the same fashion that alcoholics never really overcome the problems that alcohol presents to them.

The good thing about this is, if they are using the term in any thinking manner at all, is that by identifying themselves as a “recovering” Catholic, they’re still self identifying as Catholic. Indeed, fallen away Catholics of any type tend to still self identify as Catholic. So as there’s no such thing as “recovering” from The Way, the fact of the matter is that recovery involves returning, and there’s still hope they will.

Indeed one of the things that about that is that returning to the Catholic Faith tends to be just about the easiest thing in the World for most people, as God has made it easy. Just go to Confession and you’re back in the good graces of the Church. The big problem most people have with this is that they have to overcome themselves. Even for most of them, it’s just letting go and doing that. Probably those with the most difficult problem are those who have taken up marriages that are problematic, which is tough, but even there, it’s something that they can just approach the Priest about and learn hot to go about it. The biggest problem to this “recovery” is us.

 

[3DOCTORS]

The phrase originated at least in the U.S. in the 1980s when addictions recovery exploded and came to be an umbrella that encompassed just about any “dysfunction” you could name. It grew into a big business because there was insurance money back then to cover long-term “treatment” and the definition of addiction or dysfunction or codependency was expanded to make a bigger net.

I’m not making light of true drug addiction or alcoholism or psychiatric problems, nor do I mean to sugarcoat that some bad things happened to people at the hands of Catholic families or institutions. But I saw people during this time “throw out the baby with the bathwater” and do one of two things when they became a “recovering Catholic”: 1) They left the Catholic Church and badmouthed it to anyone who would listen; or 2) They remained in the Church but became liberal progressives insisting the Church had to change its teachings.

There may also have been a small number of folks who were recovering from drugs or alcohol who happened to be Catholic and maybe they also used this phrase, whatever it meant to them individually.

Hope this helps - I don’t know if this phenomenon hit Ireland at the same time or since, or in the same way as in the States . . .

 

[rfournier103]

Oh I’ve heard it a slew of times.

These people despise authority over their lives. They either reject the existance of God altogether; reject the authority of the Church (a gaggle of old men telling everyone they can’t have sex, have to give us money, or telling them they have to get out of bed on Sunday); or have adopted the old ‘I’m a good person… God knows I’m a good person.’

To them; the Church is racist, sexist, dictatorial, invasive, hypocritical, evil, or some combination of these adjectives.

I don’t know if there is much you can do about it other than pray for your friend’s enlightenment. Whatever has poisoned your friend’s mind won’t likely be undone with one conversation… or even a few.

Personally, when I encounter someone that says they’re a “recovering Catholic,” I say; “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They either take the bait and engage me in conversation and diaologue, or they don’t. Most often they don’t.

Ultimately, once we reach adulthood we become responsable for the care of our own souls; and the rest is up to God. If your friend has rejected God and/or the Church, she alone is responsable; and she alone must answer to Christ.

Pray for your friend. There are many people in my life that have strayed from; walked away from; or ran away from the Faith. I don’t pray for them nearly enough, but they are in my prayers daily.

I will also pray for you and your friend.

God bless.

 

[pianistclare]

Oh I’ve heard it a slew of times.

These people despise authority over their lives. They either reject the existance of God altogether; reject the authority of the Church (a gaggle of old men telling everyone they can’t have sex, have to give us money, or telling them they have to get out of bed on Sunday); or have adopted the old ‘I’m a good person… God knows I’m a good person.’

To them; the Church is racist, sexist, dictatorial, invasive, hypocritical, evil, or some combination of these adjectives.

I don’t know if there is much you can do about it other than pray for your friend’s enlightenment. Whatever has poisoned your friend’s mind won’t likely be undone with one conversation… or even a few.

Personally, when I encounter someone that says they’re a “recovering Catholic,” I say; “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They either take the bait and engage me in conversation and diaologue, or they don’t. Most often they don’t.

Ultimately, once we reach adulthood we become responsable for the care of our own souls; and the rest is up to God. If your friend has rejected God and/or the Church, she alone is responsable; and she alone must answer to Christ.

Pray for your friend. There are many people in my life that have strayed from; walked away from; or ran away from the Faith. I don’t pray for them nearly enough, but they are in my prayers daily.

I will also pray for you and your friend.

God bless.

I agree with this ^^^^^
I had a person say to me once, “well, we were raised Catholic so you can imagine what a dysfunctional family we are!”
It’s really sad. No catechesis, poor catechesis…whatever.
That’s why it is imperative that Catholics remain on the path of learning about their faith. You can never understand it all, or know too much about your faith. I don’t understand people who refuse to read or attend interesting classes. People really want to learn everything about their friends and spouses…why not the most important relationship…with God?
As everyone has said…pray for her. She’s thinks she doesn’t “need” faith. Perhaps she needs it more than ever.
Peace.

 

[LSG]

It is painful to hear these comments. A revert to our beautiful and glorious Catholic faith, I am certain that there was a “Saint Monica” out there praying me home. I also attribute my return to Saint John Paul the Great. It was at the time of his last illness and suffering that I was greatly moved to return. I am sure there are many others like me. These days, when I hear these comments, I remember where I was and that prayer and the Mercy of Jesus are so much more powerful than any argument I could present to the “recovering Catholic”. Jesus is so merciful and for this I am so grateful!

 

[Yeoman]

I had a person say to me once, “well, we were raised Catholic so you can imagine what a dysfunctional family we are!”

That’s really weird, as any causal observation will easily demonstrate that the only stable families in our society are ones that have a foundation of Faith. Otherwise, they tend to be really messed up.

I’ve heard a similiar one in various version regarding guilt, as in a person claims to be burdened by a Catholic sense of guilt.

I find that one particularly odd, as Catholic’s can readily obtain relief from the burden of guilt in the easiest ways. It seems to me that Protestants should be generally much more afflicted by a sense of guilt that Catholics, and that those with no religion at all are further burdened yet, as they would have the sense that if everything is okay, nothing has any meaning at all, including them, and there’d be no standards. That’d be not only contrary to all the evidence, but a recipe for madness.

To some degree, these statements aren’t really meant to be taken seriously. Often people like to claim to be part of the Catholic culture, while at the same time not wanting to actually have to act on it. You’ll frequently find claims to “Jewish guilt” at the same time from people who want you to know that they’re Jewish, which you might not as they aren’t going to the Synagog.

Not completely related to this, but one that’s sort of in the same arena, are statements by people, including in the press, about being “*** Catholic”. For example, I’m familiar with a columnist who frequently writes about being “Irish Catholic” or talks about her “Irish Catholic parents” while, as the same time, living in a manner that’s very obviously outside the church. You can’t write, for example, about your multiple marriage and make sense, at the same time, in claiming to be a Catholic.

We should be careful, however, as some of these people are basically out on the steps hoping to get back in. Any time somebody is claiming to be a Catholic, even a bad Catholic, or an Ex-Catholic, they’re still self identifying as Catholic. They may be claiming to have left the building, but they’re still hanging around out on the yard.

 

[Miserissima]

used by people who jokingly want to indicate that they’re fallen away Catholics. The gist of it is that their being raised Catholic instilled them with a view of the world which they now deem erroneous, but with which they still struggle, in the same fashion that alcoholics never really overcome the problems that alcohol presents to them.

The good thing about this is, if they are using the term in any thinking manner at all, is that by identifying themselves as a “recovering” Catholic, they’re still self identifying as Catholic. Indeed, fallen away Catholics of any type tend to still self identify as Catholic. So as there’s no such thing as “recovering”

This is spot on, in my experience. If you have been thinking about this so much, you may be called to help plant a seed in her heart and mind. (Be gentle as she may have a genuine hurt she is nursing.)

You may be able to draw her out to ask her what happened without needling her. It doesn’t need to be done in one fell swoop. Just have coffee every couple of weeks.

Take her story and her questions and see what the Church has to say. Go back to her and say, “Remember we talked about X? I’m just as fallible as the next person, so I looked it up.”

And if it so happens that she had a falling out with a person, remind her that we are all human, not the institution.

Don’t stop praying…and look into the devotion of the Green Scapular.

 

[pianistclare]

That’s really weird, as any causal observation will easily demonstrate that the only stable families in our society are ones that have a foundation of Faith. Otherwise, they tend to be really messed up.

I’ve heard a similiar one in various version regarding guilt, as in a person claims to be burdened by a Catholic sense of guilt.

I find that one particularly odd, as Catholic’s can readily obtain relief from the burden of guilt in the easiest ways. It seems to me that Protestants should be generally much more afflicted by a sense of guilt that Catholics, and that those with no religion at all are further burdened yet, as they would have the sense that if everything is okay, nothing has any meaning at all, including them, and there’d be no standards. That’d be not only contrary to all the evidence, but a recipe for madness.

To some degree, these statements aren’t really meant to be taken seriously. Often people like to claim to be part of the Catholic culture, while at the same time not wanting to actually have to act on it. You’ll frequently find claims to “Jewish guilt” at the same time from people who want you to know that they’re Jewish, which you might not as they aren’t going to the Synagog.

Not completely related to this, but one that’s sort of in the same arena, are statements by people, including in the press, about being “*** Catholic”. For example, I’m familiar with a columnist who frequently writes about being “Irish Catholic” or talks about her “Irish Catholic parents” while, as the same time, living in a manner that’s very obviously outside the church. You can’t write, for example, about your multiple marriage and make sense, at the same time, in claiming to be a Catholic.

We should be careful, however, as some of these people are basically out on the steps hoping to get back in. Any time somebody is claiming to be a Catholic, even a bad Catholic, or an Ex-Catholic, they’re still self identifying as Catholic. They may be claiming to have left the building, but they’re still hanging around out on the yard.

love it. Thanks!

 

[mrsjennymulhall]

Thank you all so much!

She and I went to school together and had Holy Faith sisters for at least three subjects that I can remember, so I know for a certainty that her experience wasn’t all bad.

The comments that she still identifies as Catholic - albeit not completely positively - make sense to me. As does the comment that this incident has been like a sore tooth because she needs my prayer; and my help if the opportunity arises. She’s a sweet girl and I vividly recall that she brought pro life materials into school one day when half of us girls had never really thought about what pro choice might actually mean. I’ve been unapologetically pro life ever since and I know that the ‘precious feet’ she gave me are up in the attic somewhere!

Thank you for your clarifications, thoughts, advice, encouragement and prayer. I will continue to pray for all you lovely people on CAF. Bless you all in your wisdom, kindness and generosity.

Jenny x

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

Perhaps she needs the faith more than ever, and more than she realizes. As she sounds someone with a broken heart.

Was not brought up to know her faith, always a problem, maybe when you see her again since you went to school with her bring up the matter in a gentle way, and explain if only she knew Jesus, if only she knew what the Catholic Faith teaches, she would be on Fire for it, maybe even leave her with a book on a life story like the Little Flower/Padre Pio

Of course keep her in your prayers.

 

[3DOCTORS]

**That’s really weird, as any causal observation will easily demonstrate that the only stable families in our society are ones that have a foundation of Faith. Otherwise, they tend to be really messed up.

I’ve heard a similiar one in various version regarding guilt, as in a person claims to be burdened by a Catholic sense of guilt.

I find that one particularly odd, as Catholic’s can readily obtain relief from the burden of guilt in the easiest ways.** It seems to me that Protestants should be generally much more afflicted by a sense of guilt that Catholics, and that those with no religion at all are further burdened yet, as they would have the sense that if everything is okay, nothing has any meaning at all, including them, and there’d be no standards. That’d be not only contrary to all the evidence, but a recipe for madness.

To some degree, these statements aren’t really meant to be taken seriously. Often people like to claim to be part of the Catholic culture, while at the same time not wanting to actually have to act on it. You’ll frequently find claims to “Jewish guilt” at the same time from people who want you to know that they’re Jewish, which you might not as they aren’t going to the Synagog.

Not completely related to this, but one that’s sort of in the same arena, are statements by people, including in the press, about being “*** Catholic”. For example, I’m familiar with a columnist who frequently writes about being “Irish Catholic” or talks about her “Irish Catholic parents” while, as the same time, living in a manner that’s very obviously outside the church. You can’t write, for example, about your multiple marriage and make sense, at the same time, in claiming to be a Catholic.

We should be careful, however, as some of these people are basically out on the steps hoping to get back in. Any time somebody is claiming to be a Catholic, even a bad Catholic, or an Ex-Catholic, they’re still self identifying as Catholic. They may be claiming to have left the building, but they’re still hanging around out on the yard.

This is what I was thinking just a day or two ago - we have the model of the Holy Family to imitate in showing charity to one another. Certainly I’ve heard stories of people who were mistreated by disturbed people who talked a lot of religion but weren’t Christlike, or perhaps were scrupulous and harsh, but that is not what the Church means for us to be. If a person has come from such a situation, they need help disentangling the truth from the falsehoods, to be sure. But rebelling against the Church isn’t the answer.

And yes, we talk about sin perhaps more than our “progressive” brethren do, but if we sin, we have the wonderful gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation to help us put our sins behind us, and receive helpful graces to do better! :yup: So God doesn’t ask holiness of us without providing a backup plan if things go wrong.

Talking and listening, respectfully, trying to draw the person out with love, hopefully might be a way to help them return. And one might plant the seed, someone else water it, and we may never know until we get to Heaven how the person did, but let’s keep trying!

 

[Joe_5859]

I’ve heard that phrase used on many occasions (by college professors, Facebook friends, etc.). Sometimes it is used derisively, sometimes it is used in a light-hearted manner. It all depends.

If used derisively, it can imply that the Catholic Church inflicts dysfunction on all members such that those who escape need to “recover” in the same way as a “recovering alcoholic” needs to recover.

If used light-heartedly, it is probably just a “clever” way to say “Been there, done that, and it’s not for me.”

If you’re wanting to plant seeds for evangelization, you might follow up such a statement with a question as to why she no longer chooses to practice. From there, you can gauge how open she is to discussing the matter. You definitely want to keep the tone of the conversation positive. No one would be encouraged to give the Church another shot if we’re just wagging our finger at them.