the rich young man...

[Monica4316]

Hi everyone

I’m faced with a dilemma right now and I was just wondering what you think about this…

This fall I moved to a different city to attend university. I live in a very convenient location cause it’s close to everything including the mall. Before my classes started, I often went there just to walk around because I was very bored and didn’t know anyone yet lol. I ended up buying some clothes for this year… some of it I actually needed, like clothes for my career, but other stuff I didn’t really need, just want. Today I started thinking how I don’t have a very convenient bag to carry my books around in… and I decided to go to the mall and get this bag that is big enough for everything and also trendy and not that expensive. I bought it, simply for that practical reason, but now I feel guilty about this. The reason is that several days ago, I told God in prayer that I don’t want to be so materialistic and want to really limit shopping, and it was on my mind that I’d “eventually” buy this bag, so I don’t know if it counts… but for some reason, I just feel really bad. I don’t know if it’s scrupulosity… but what I’m thinking about, is how in my heart, I’m so similar to the rich young man. I’m not actually rich, but because I live in North America and have a way to get money I do have more than many people in other countries in the world. I keep on asking myself… would I leave it all to follow God, if He told me to? Would I leave all my stuff to join a religious order? I think the answer is yes… because I really try to not be attached to my possessions… however, I feel like I made a huge mistake. Instead of buying only the things i NEED, I started buying things I WANT. I feel like that is really imperfect and I also feel the need to repent of this, and start living a different life… even if God isn’t calling me religious life, or not now, - I still want to go shopping only very rarely, and only for the necessities of life.

However here’s my question… I feel so bad about all the stuff I already bought this year. I can’t return it anymore… (they won’t take it back)… but should I return the bag I bought?? I can’t make up my mind… I know it seems like such a silly question (maybe) but to me it’s related to loving God first in our lives and not making idols of riches. Would God want me to return this bag, since - even though I bought it for a practical reason, - I bought it after my decision to limit shopping?

I think I’m beginning to see how having few material possessions is actually very freeing, spiritually… I almost feel trapped by all of this stuff, but I can’t get rid of it now. THe only thing I CAN return is this bag… should I return it, even though it’s so practical to carry all my books in? I want to do what is pleasing to God I feel like I failed Him so much already.

I was watching a movie about St Francis (“Clare and Francis”) and there’s a part in the movie when he realizes that his possessions, and dreams, etc, - are actually making him miserable rather than happy… and I think that’s how I feel right now. I’m not sure what God would want me to do though.

I know this might be a funny question lol… thanks for reading!

 

[catholicfriend1]

The decision is ultimately up to you, but I feel like I should share my own experience.

This summer (as well as the past) my cousins and I have gone to the Minnesota boundary waters for about a canoe trip. I was very excited for the trip and bought a few expensive items which I did not need but wanted–just as you said yourself. The whole time, however, I felt extremely uneasy about my purchases (and all told spent too much time browsing/shopping). At the advice of others who’ve had similar experiences, I managed to return them, and have felt better since.

Sometimes our conscience warns us about potential dangers, even in somewhat trivial matters, because they may ultimately lead us away from God. I think it is important to reflect on whether God is telling you something and to make sure you do not place any distractions in your life between Him and you.

 

[bkayw]

God asks that you give 10% off the top of what you make.

Spend for your needs and save for a house, health insurance, a vehicle, for retirement, and for your old age.

 

[TiggerS]

Rome indeed was not built in a day! Your desires and reasonings are good and you desire to bring them into being (God is very pleased with our good desires we desire to bring into being!)and I think you are probably being a bit scrupulous over the bag. If you have a use for it, them keep it - if you can go without it perhaps donate it to a charity store. To detach ourselves from the things of this world is rarely, short of a miracle, effected overnight. It is a journey rather than an event. There is a line in the Psalms that runs “I have not reached for things beyond me” so take your desire to simplify your life slowly and be understanding and forgiving of yourself for God is always and faithfully so. God understands that we are weak and drawn by the things of this world and that the spiritual path is not easy at all for us and often. He is not standing over you ‘with a big stick’ for your failures, but with loving understanding and compassion, keen insight into human nature. God, in fact, delights in us as weak and wonky as we can sometimes be, stumbling along the path with great desires to Love Him as He deserves to be Loved.

Very often it is not troubles over God forgiving us that causes us problems, it is forgiving oneself and because we find it difficult to forgive ourselves, we project that on to God and instead of owning our own feeling, we start feeling that God is the cause of our guilt ( that He is angry or something with us). and this is just not so We are the cause of our own guilt. Sometimes guilt is quite justified, sometimes it is illogical and not justified. Saints are rarely, short of that jolly miracle again, made overnight. It is a journey and a lifelong one and there will be (short of that jolly miracle yet once again!) falls and failures, and then getting up again and going on. If we reach too high too quickly, the danger can be that we get so frustrated with not being able to reach that height that we give up altogether. So persevere and take things slowly and be patient and kind with yourself, forgiving, and reflect that patience and kindness that The Lord has for us all.

If you are really bothered by the bag, I would be mentioning it to Father in Confession and asking his advice.

Do you have a spiritual director? I think you would really profit with one especially at the point you are at just now.

TS

 

[philipmarie]

Monica, in a kind but rather plain way… stop being so scrupulous! I have similiar problems like that ALOT but the Blessed Virgin showed me that these problems are nothing but illusions of the devil; and so is this ‘stuff’ problem. I know what I’m talking about, I experienced these things alot.

For example, why on earth would God and Mary command you to return this here bag in question (unless it contained some bomb in it!)? Seriously. I mean, what good will returning the bag do? Sure, you won’t possess the bag anymore but what will that solve? Your not being materialistic for buying a trendy bag your just liking the trendiness.

Maybe you fear that your being a tad bit like the world; instead of being like Christ and Mary even more, you fear that with this trendy thing your being more like the world (which likes ‘trendiness’!) In this case, your not being like the world, I assure you.

If you are fixing your affection upon something, (like how alot of crazy teenagers coo over the filthy book series of Twilight or like how everyone’s mad about Batman), then you are beng like the world. But, if you were to see a film or read a novel, enjoying them all the while even thinking baout them for a few minutes or so, you would not sin. But you must avoid basing your life on them or associating them with your life (this does not hold of course, for spiritual books or the lives of the Saints. You can savour them as long as you like!). I got this from Saint Francis de Sale’s Introduction to the devout life.

Even if you don’t use any of your stuff, don’t scruple or worry that maybe God and Mary are displeased. If they are handy, keep them or donate them to a charity store. A word of Waring though: do NOT donate to these stores things which are obviously bad (and by bad, I do not mean things made out of rich materials). Such are bad books and bad magazines, bad T.V show merchandise, bad comics and bad, immodest clothes etc,.

In a very modest and discreet way, if you are in possesion of anything called the modern swimsuit (bikini’s and also one piece/tank suits), throw them away and burn them! Do not fear that Mary will reject you as you will always remain pure through Her!

On top of all that, calm down. Your not giving Jesus and Mary leftovers. Maria Teresita Quevedo’s friend was surprised to see the former dressed beautifully and elegantally… a day before she entered the convent! Teresita said that she liked to dress elegantally (but modestly!) but that, when she entered the convent, she would give it all up and live more for Mary*.

*and no, she did not enter the convent to be more strict or to joke less or to spend more time in prayer. She entered the convent to be rid of the world even more and to serve the Blessed Virgin in an even more perfect way.

 

[Monica4316]

Thanks for the replies! they were very helpful…

Philipmarie, I have the same view of Twilight just wanted to say… those books/movies are everywhere but I feel there’s something really wrong with them. (sorry Twilight fans lol).

I think that one of the advantages of giving back the bag would be that I would be breaking an attachment to possessions by giving up a possession that I like… however on the other hand, I bought it for practicality rather than ‘trendiness’. It just happens to be trendy as well.

I’m still praying about it lol…

Here’s one thing I realized though.

I read in a spiritual book that when God convicts us of something, He does this in such a way that we are able to do what He asks (He gives us this grace), and He also respects our free will… so when repentance is from the Holy Spirit, it doesn’t cause anxiety (at the end… it might be difficult at the beginning, but not afterwards) - and there’s also a trust in God…

but when the devil gives us false repentance, there’s other things involved like distrust in God’s mercy, anger at ourselves, anxiety, etc…

of course, it could be that God is telling us to repent of something and the devil is telling us that God won’t forgive us… that happens quite a lot to people, it seems. But other times, it’s possible to tell the difference, and the source of what is happening to us.

This whole thing has caused me so much anxiety and CONFUSION, that I think the devil might be involved in it somehow, - even by doing something simple like exaggerating my thoughts and encouraging scrupulosity. A priest has told me in the past that I am scrupulous sometimes.

I think what I’m going to do is probably bring this up with a priest… and see what he says… then I can just follow that in obedience because I’m really bad at making my own decisions lol.

God bless

 

[Bohm_Bawerk]

God asks that you give 10% off the top of what you make.

Spend for your needs and save for a house, health insurance, a vehicle, for retirement, and for your old age.

I’m no Bible scholar, but I thought that Christians no longer had to follow the rules of tithe.

Thank you,
**Eugen von Böhm-Bawerk **

 

[doughnut]

I’m no Bible scholar, but I thought that Christians no longer had to follow the rules of tithe.

Thank you,
**Eugen von Böhm-Bawerk **

th 10% saying scares me sometimes. imagine if you’re very rich. after scrapping off 10%, you still own so much money that you can indulge yourself as sinfully as you can, still afford major wastages, and you’re still not poor.

sure, some people would be barely meeting ends meet even with 100% of their income, but others could still be leading a luxury beyond imagination with just 10% of their income.

i was constantly disturbed by my ‘spendthrift ways’ ~ im just used to spending; and a friend told me, just keep aside 10% for your thithe and the rest are meant for yourself to enjoy. (i think enjoying items you like is all good, but when the enjoyment becomes pure indulgence ~ to the point that it really makes no difference the reason certain expenditures are made, knowing at the back of your head there are still plenty of people who would have benefited extremely with just that amount you have used to squandle on frivolous matters…thats when things goes really wrong)

doesn’t sound very right to me.