My first cousin and her husband were married 9 months ago and have always expressed a fervent desire to have children. My cousin and her husband are in their mid 40’s so they have decided not to try to get pregnant but instead would like to adopt. My cousin is of normal intelligence but a bit socially awkward. Her husband is in the lower range of normal intelligence, has learning disabilities and likely has Asperger’s Syndrome. He also has Obsessive-compulsive disorder which can at times be interfering in their lives. However, he does have a job and is able to function in society reasonable well. My cousin’s friend has advised her not to have children at all (including adopting them) because of her perceived inability to take care of them properly but I feel that they do have the right to adopt and should not necessarily be deprived of the right to be parents. What do people think about this situation - I’d appreciate some feedback and would like to know if the Catholic church has any definitive views or teaching in this area.
I’m not sure if anything has changed or not, but I think being in their mid-40s might be a obstacle for them in adopting unless they’d be interested in adopting a non-white or older child. Even then, the other issues might be an obstacle to adoption agencies.
I agree that having children is not a right, but a gift. It is also a large responsibility not to be taken lightly. We never know for sure if we are up to it (I sometimes worry that I am not up to it and I have three children
), but the Church teaches that being married means being open to life or to being parents through adoption. So, I would think the Church would encourage it. At the same time, is it the right thing to do for all involved in this case? I assume this couple was married in the Church and had required marriage prep before being married? If so, then I would think the Church feels they should have children or they likely would not have proceeded with the marriage, right? Or maybe their ages were considered, and with the reduced probability of having children, maybe this consideration removed the obstacle to having a Catholic Sacrament of Marriage? Since you asked about the Catholic perspective, I assume they are Catholics in a sacramental marriage?
They should likely begin by seeking the counsel of their priest. They should also pray a lot to try to discern how they should proceed. But, bottom line, I think if they were married in the Church, then the Church feels children should be a part of their marriage. Again, it is possible that their ages were considered, and since a woman in her mid-40s has a greatly reduced chance of conceiving and carrying a child to term, maybe the marriage prep priest didn’t consider children as a factor in going forward with the marriage or not?
I am not expressing this very well and I’m sorry. Anybody chime in, please.
